While many people choose to learn NLP due to its awesome persuasion skills, often people miss the point in being a certified NLP practitioner.

The idea behind NLP is the ability to get you to become a massive modeling machine. You learn, adapt and enhance your skill and knowledge further. Most people simply deem the NLP practitioner certificate as a qualification alone. In fact many people are touting NLP as the way to success.

While I don't dispute it can help people with success, it has gotten sickening to see that there are people who use it like a magic silver bullet. Most of these people don't even know what the entire system of NLP is in the first place. Hence, their methodology is skewed to one direction, causing students to be unable to use NLP beyond a narrow set of skills.

Becoming an NLP practitioner is about hunting down useful skill to improve one's abilities and become more powerful in achieving results. But that's half the story. You can also maximize the use of such tools to make a difference in the world.

I've seen highly inflexible and intolerant so-called NLP practitioners. Even at a crossroads of choices, some choose the safe path while being critical, nasty or even rude. I think the job of an NLP practitioner is to elevate the standard of flexibility in working with self first. If you can't get yourself under control and check your own ability to open up, consider new possibilities and achieve new goals, then what's the point of learning NLP?

Key point is this: keep within a learning group that is diverse and celebrates changes and improvements. Often, without this kind of culture, learning ceases while people think more of themselves than they really are. There is social myopia.

Expose yourself to more opportunities to manage yourself and your experiences. If this means getting yourself to do something uncomfortable, then do it. It will merely be a matter of time before it becomes the new norm and you can look back realizing you have learned and grown.

If all that NLP does is to do this, I think you would have added a lot of value to the world, starting from the people closest to you.

Reference: womanizer-psychology.blogspot.com

Neuro Linguistic Programming - a commonsense system of everyday psychology

That is a statement right off the back cover of Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies, which is a pretty good beginner NLP book.

Oh, and if you don't know already, NLP is short for Neuro Linguistic Programming. And, if you are new to Neuro Linguistic Programming, then good for you, you're about to discover a whole new and exciting world for yourself.

So, getting back to my "Neuro Linguistic Programming - commonsense system of everyday psychology" title, you see, that's the problem I think. It's all in the word - commonsense.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM

Common sense, as my Mac dictionary states is "good sense and sound judgment in practical matters", and from Wikipedia defined by Merriam-Webster as, "sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts."

And when you hear the term common sense, don't you immediately think that it's a sensible thing that's common, common enough that we all do it?

Well, allow me to enlighten you with a term straight from my first economics class at St. Mary's University, and that is All Things Being Equal...

THEY AREN'T!

Here's the thing, again taking it straight from the Merriam-Webster quote - "sound and prudent judgment" - well, according to who? You see, your judgment is based on your personal years of experience and is not identical to anyone else.

Using the last statement as a good example, I should have said, "according to whom", but my years of personal experience using NLP says it's more effective to use "who" rather than whom.

If judgment were a simple thing we would all agree with each other about everything, but we don't, do we? And you can probably recall a recent disagreement to prove that, can't you?

But let's not stop there, the rest of the Merriam-Webster meaning is just as important and misleading. They say, "Based on a simple perception of the situation or facts". Well, the world would be a more agreeable place if we all had the same perception of a situation or facts, would you agree?

Wouldn't that mean no more endangered species, the end of global warming, the end of war. Heck, we wouldn't even have any arguments at home or work anymore, would we?

YOU MUST AGREE WITH "ME!"

But then again, what if we all agreed with the other person's thinking? Hmmm...

Well, rather than wish for the impossible, why don't we try to understand why people think as they do? What causes them to think in a way so different from us, and, when we know that, then we can start to be effective in changing how they - or we - think.

Because, Neuro Linguistic Programming - NLP - is all about transformation. Transforming your thinking so you, and others, can lead a healthier, wealthier, happier life.

The post Neuro Linguistic Programming - a commonsense system of everyday psychology appeared first on Life Potential Developments.

Origin: datingforaverageguys.blogspot.com

In an age when most individuals do their socializing on the internet, it is comprehensible how it can be nerve wracking to chat to girls or even to try and get a date. If you are nervous about speaking to women, or perhaps just need 1 or 2 tips to get a conversation going, then these are some laws you can follow which will definitely be of service to you.

The first thing you must do is change your mind-set. More frequently than not the toughest problem men have with chatting to ladies is putting them on a unrealistic pedestal and thinking of them as judgmental. The truth is that ladies are equally as human as you are, and they are not searching for you to goof up a chat. Put simply, talk to ladies like you would talk with anyone else. Otherwise you will come off as either ungainly, or it will be obvious you are looking out for a date (and not in a great way).

You need to also remember the most cliche piece of guidance that anybody can give you: Be yourself. This is going to be the most contrived or overused asserting in history, but when you break it down its the best advice you can use. If you talk to a lady under false pretenses and find a way to get a date, then you essentially lied to her. And if she picks up on the proven fact that you lied in the middle of the date, it's game over. You will get a lot further in the conversation by being the best of yourself.

The most important thing for you to do when beginning a chat with a lady is just that: Beginning the conversation. Breaking the ice is the hardest step, essentially because everything depends on the introduction. The most effective way to destroy the ice is to be subtle. Just throwing out a greeting and then your name out of nowhere can be clumsy. Instead find something to comment on, ideally something that you actually have an interest in. For instance, if you see the girl is carrying a book on a subject you know a little about, ask her about it. Keep it casual.

One move thats overused these days is leaping into a chat the woman is having with someone else. It is one thing if youre invited into the conversation, but if you hop into the conversation, particularly if you dont know any person else thats talking, it wont only come off as clumsy but also rude. And being rude will never get you a date. Instead, try and initiate a conversation with her on your own.

It is important to keep under consideration that getting a date may take more than one conversation. Laying a pleasant foundation will usually get you better results, and it also gives you time to test the waters on whether or not you legitimately like the woman's company. But always keep in mind that making a solid impression is vital.

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Why do men suffer more after breakups?

A new poll conducted by Matchmaker.com, Amor.com and Date.com found that 85% of men get depressed and upset after a breakup and don't date for a long time thereafter. Only 8% of women felt the same way.

I could've told you that. For some reason, men are once bitten, twice shy, while women pick themselves up, dust themselves on, and get on with it.

Of course, online daters don't represent all daters in general; but men who gravitate towards online dating sites usually do so because they are more rejection sensitive than ever and their egos are frail after being dumped.

Dr. Keith Ablow says that men and women suffer equally when it comes to feeling alone, but women vent their frustrations and move on whilst men bottle up their emotions and harbor resentment and hurt.

This in no way suggests that women want men to start crying and talking about their feelings; what it might suggest is that perhaps men need to suck it up and move on. Have your moment, perhaps even start an anonymous blog to vent your feelings, but for Pete's sake, get on with it.

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It can be tough raising a little one all on your own. Even if the other parent is involved in the child's life, you are still handling your end completely by your lonesome. Now, this is certainly a common feat that's tackled daily in our modern day world. The whole single parent raising a child has been done and done over again. However, what about dating for single parents? This is an issue that often goes unaddressed. Are you a single parent who dates? Or are you one that completely avoids the dating game, and always has since you and your spouse split? One thing is for certain; dating for single parents is nothing like it was back when I was a kid. So much has changed regarding the notion of communication.

Back when i was around five years of age, my parents split up. It's the same old story we've all heard time and time again. It's so cliche in fact, that it almost makes me shake my head and snicker. Basically my father was unhappy, and decided to pursue another woman who shared his marital dissatisfaction. In no time at all, my father was telling my mother that he was leaving her for another woman. Does this sound cliche yet? Why didn't the dude just buy a sports car like many men do when they hit the age of 40? Anyway, my mother did the thing that many disgruntled mothers do; she took us three kids and ran.

There was no way in hell that she was going to let my father have us. The funny thing was that this was back in the 80s; therefore the courts agreed with her having custody. Many years later my mother had still not dated a single man.

The world of dating for single parents was unknown to her. She told me once when I was in college that it was difficult to find a man when you already have three children. This made me sad to say the least. On some level my father ruined her life. Regardless, not every single parent has to endure a life of solitude. There is such a thing as dating for single parents. You just have to get out there and take a gander at what's available. Actually you don't have to go anywhere at first. You see, it all begins online.

Isn't it time you explored the world of dating for single parents? Hop on your laptop and check out the many sites that offer online dating. In no time at all you could be chatting it up with other singles just like yourself. Dating for single parents does exist, and all you need is a computer to get started.

Reference: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com

You've recently met someone special. You 'clicked' from the very first moment you met and there seemed to be a terrific soul connection between you. Since then you've been spending almost every spare moment together. Perhaps they've already told you they love you and have even mentioned plans for the future on a couple of occasions. Everything seemed to be unfolding beautifully but now, six to eight weeks along something's changed. Perhaps they're not returning your texts or calls like they used to - or you're just not spending as much time together and they seem a little distant when you do. Or maybe they've told you they feel you need to 'cool' it for a bit even though they care about you. What's going on and what should you do?

First of all, let go of the idea you've done something wrong. Psychologists now know that the six to eight week mark in a new relationship is a crucial period for the relationship's evolution. It's the time when serious soul ties are made - the relationship now has to evolve to a deeper level - or not. The other aspect to consider is that if you've just been dating for a couple of months and things have moved very fast there is a tendency to 'future project'. After all, if you've been spending every spare moment in each other's company during the past few weeks where will you be in another six weeks' time? Living together? Married with a mortgage? Sometimes one or both partners can panic and pull back because things just seem to be moving too fast.

If this all sounds familiar what can you do?

DON'T - panic. And above all, if your new partner is acting a little distant don't bombard them with emails, texts or phone calls asking if they are okay or worse, gifts to 'win' back their interest. You'll come over as needy or desperate - not a good look.

DO - get busy. And if you partner suggests you see each other a little less, agree. Tell them that you love being with them but that your family and friends must think you've been kidnapped! If your partner sees that you acknowledge the situation this takes the pressure off both of you. Now call your friends and get back to your interests. Relationships need variety and balance in which to thrive ad chances are when your partner realises they have space within your relationship they will get closer again.

DON'T - agree to being just 'friends' or 'friends with benefits' if you're looking for a long-term relationship.

DO - explain calmly that just 'friends' did not appear to be what you were and that as you are looking for something more serious and long-term, it appears you both want different things. This is a hard one especially if you've developed serious feelings for someone. But you have to understand that if they are suggesting you radically change the deal that appears to be on the table, they will not change their minds later. They could be emotionally unavailable on some level. By stating what you want and being firm on this you stand a better chance of getting what you need - and you emerge with your self-respect intact. If your partner doesn't agree then chances are they would never be able to give you what you needed in the long term anyway - so better to find out sooner rather than later.

So what is the soul-growth opportunity here? When we enter into a relationship with another we are not only getting to know them but discovering a new facet of ourselves. We are changed as we discover this. If your new love wants some space, see this as an opportunity to integrate what you've learned about how you are in relationships - and that includes the ones you may have been neglecting! It also serves to remind you how you are in the one relationship that lasts a lifetime - the one you have with yourself. The people we fall in love with are just reflections of the love we have inside ourselves all the time. So be the lover you want to be in love with and chances are, your outer love will reflect just that back at you.

Origin: mark-rayan-pua.blogspot.com

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Lately, it seems that a few friends of mine are going through some rough breakups or having a hard time dealing with a past relationship. My motto has always been to weed your garden before jumping into a new bed of flowers -I even wrote that in my book, however as I go through life and see what other people are going through, as well as what I've gone through myself, I'm learning that the other side of the spectrum isn't so shabby. While it's true that most people need distractions while they are mourning over a broken relationship, they also need their hearts distracted too, in my opinion. I think casual dating is a great way to distract the mind and heart from getting too torn up over one person who is no longer in their life. There are possibilities of rebound dating, however overall, I don't see 'casual dating' so bad, if taken slowly. The negative side effects of casual dating after broken relationships are: comparing the new person to your former love, bringing old baggage into the new one - possibly accusing them of things your ex has done in the past, or even picking someone that reminds you of the ex. That one is a killer. In this case, it almost seems impossible to heal completely. But, do we ever heal completely?

While it's healthy to 'talk it all out', and confide in a friend about your feelings, it also can be unhealthy too, perhaps even borderline obsessing over the ex, and I'll even go as far to say that it may be leaving your friend in an 'awkward therapist' type of feeling. God bless my close friends when I was going through my own breakups in the past. They put up with a lot, however, hindsight 20/20, I now see how much I overdid it, over-obsessed and had beaten the dead horse with a stick a million times. I also think that the person can't help themselves due to the overwhelming feelings going on inside them. There is no other feeling like a broken heart. It hurts like nothing else. Again, as I've said so many times before, it's comparable to a death of a loved one, with the only difference that your loved one who you had broken up with "chooses" not to be with you. (And of course depending on the situation.) The constant feeling of getting no closure, or receiving any forgiveness can be detrimental to the recovery, however not impossible if looked at in a different perspective. But, that's hard to do when you're in it. You can't see outside the box sometimes.

I'm a big believer in writing out all the pros and cons about the relationship, whether salvable or not. Sometimes it can reveal much more than you once realized. Most of the times, in my own personal experiences, I wondered why I settled so much in my past. You'll have days where all your thoughts about your ex are all positive. Take the list out. Read it again. Put your entire relationship into perspective. Why did it end? However, I do have one exception to the rule: if you were best friends with your ex, and the intimate relationship had come to an end, but you still wanted to maintain a "genuine" friendship, then that's another thing. One or two things may happen: the ex will think you want more and ignore your request, the ex may still not be over you, which sometimes leads into a period of indifference, leaving you feeling ignored at every attempt to make amends, and perhaps under whatever circumstances, forgiveness is just not there yet, or will ever be.

"Acceptance. This is the final and last step toward recovery, and also the hardest if you're trying to get to this point too fast on your own. Sometimes, the two people involved (or not" involved I should say) may have come to different plateaus in life, whether feeling different about one another, or just simply at a different place in life. I'm sure you've either experienced or have seen this scenario before: one person is the pursuer, while the other person seems a bit aloof and casual about the relationship, and then when it comes to the end of their relationship and/or breakup, the roles reverse completely. The pursuer is now the one who is aloof and hard to get. The person who was a bit casual about things seems more persistent on pursuing the relationship, even making attempts to bring it to a whole different level just to get them back: marriage proposals. It's funny how things change and sad when it changes for the worst, but I always remembered what one friend told me in the past. She said, "People come into our lives for a reason, maybe to teach us something, but for the most part, it's all about our life experiences. Let them go. Let them experience what they need to, and if they come back then it was meant to be." Sometimes people need to go through a buncha bullshit in order to get their heads straight, or perhaps they just need to leave and we just need to accept that.

With every relationship that I have been in, I have learned a great deal about many things in life, which I am grateful for. I've created awesome memories, I remember funny moments that still make me laugh, and have kept all the lessons learned if it was a negative experience so I know how to handle them better in the present time. The one thing that I have always left behind was any bitterness. I have always forgiven anyone who had hurt me in the past, which always enables me to be friends with them. That's when I have to say to myself: it's their choice now, the ball is in their court, but I won't hold my breath if they choose not to.

Reference: pualib.blogspot.com

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It isn't all that hard for you to find other people online when you take a look at online dating services. You can use all sorts of free dating services to find someone that will truly love you for who you are.

Online dates are useful in that you can find a number of different kinds of singles through these dating sites. These sites will provide you with access to a large variety of people who will be interested in being with you and appreciating you for who you are.

One advantage of dating services is that you will be more likely to find a variety of people from all walks of life. Many free dating websites will let you take a look at different singles ranging from people within your cultural group to other people who are simply within the area that you live in.

It is easier for you to find someone of interest online than it might be for you to do this at some club or other place where singles often meet each other. The problem with so many public spaces is that people tend to have tough times with finding others due to the tight areas that they are often found in. There's also the concern about how shy so many people might be in some of these places. These are interesting points that show how it might be easier for people to meet each other in different spots.

The next part of free online dating is that it might involve finding people who don't normally meet in the spaces that you traditionally go to. This is an interesting advantage that suggests that you might have a better chance with dating someone if you know where to go for finding that person.

Another part of online dating relates to the ways how you can share information with others. You can share information on your general features and interests as well as pictures of yourself. However, you can always choose to leave a few bits of information out so you can allow interested singles to guess about who you are and what you are interested in. This often works to add to the mystery that might come with dating someone like you.

When you date online singles you are also going to be more likely to find people who are similar to you. The process of finding people of interest on different free dating sites will not be all that hard for you to do things to the large variety of terms that you can search through when finding people of interest.

These are great parts of why you should be taking a look at the ways how singles can be found through different online programs. You can use many websites to find single free men and women based on what you specifically want. You might even have an easier time with finding someone of use for whatever it is you want to get out of it.

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Online dating has taken the internet by storm, becoming the hot spot for single men looking for romance and love from China. If you are one of the men who are looking for their Chinese soul-mate, only to be disappointed in the 'real world' of dating, chances are that you will find the one you have been searching for through online dating.

However, there are drawbacks to online dating, one of which is time, the biggest factor. So why is time the biggest factor? The main reason is because you're communicating by text most of the time. As we all know, there are limitations to how much we can express by text. We can't see the person and therefore we need more time than we would face to face to gain sufficient understanding of the other person. Additionally, if you're using EMF (express mail forwarding service) mail, then this adds to the time as it's not real-time messaging. You have to wait for her to receive your mail, then for her to reply.

Other reasons are because there is much more choice online. There are thousands of beautiful Chinese ladies and you just can't resist them. You start talking to about ten and you divide your attention between them. Then you can't decide which one to choose because they're all so pretty. And this goes both ways - if she's a beautiful Chinese woman it's most likely that she is also talking to about ten men at a time. So how do you solve this problem? You just have to narrow down your search - look for the woman whose personality is most suitable for you instead of starting talking to any beautiful Chinese woman you see. But it is a longer process than in traditional dating, because you're dealing with a great deal more women.

So are you put of by online dating now? You shouldn't be, because these cons can be easily resolved and there are plenty of pros and good reasons to look on the Internet for your Chinese soul-mate.

1) Meet Like-Minded People. If you are actively trying to meet a special lady from China, it can sometimes be difficult to know where best to look. There might be plenty of places you can go out and find Chinese ladies, but single people don't tend to walk around with a sign advertising the fact that they are single. By using a Chinese dating website, you can be sure that the women you meet are looking for the same thing as you.

2) Instant Common Ground. Online dating takes a lot of the guess work out of the dating process. Before you make contact with someone, you have the chance to find out some information about them by looking at their profile. This greatly reduces the chances of going on a date with someone that you have absolutely nothing in common with. If you are particularly in to your sport, then you should be able to find someone who is equally sporty. It may be that you are a film buff and love going to the movies, so you can narrow your search to others who share your passion.

3) You get to know the real person. Once you have talked with or chatted with someone online for a while, you begin to know the person, how they feel, the way they think, what makes them happy or sad. A person often tends to write out how more of they are feeling, whereas in 'real life', one might hold back feelings or thoughts, or be too afraid or embarrassed to talk about some things.

4) Getting to know the real person allows you to know fall in love with who the person really is, and not just fall for outward appearances or how a person looks. While being attracted to the person is great, the true beauty of a person lies within and under the skin. With online dating, you learn who the real person is inside.

5) When you look on the web for that special someone, you are able to be yourself, to relax more, and perhaps not feel so pressured to impress the other person. You are allowed to just be you. If it turns out that this particular date is not for you, you are able to graciously back out, without the awkwardness of a 'real life' date.

6) When the two of you are comfortable enough with each other to meet in person, the first meeting will mostly likely be absolutely wonderful! You are able to talk with the person as though you have known them forever, you feel at ease and comfortable, and chances are you have found the soul-mate you have searched for.

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The post Why Does Online Dating Take Longer to Succeed? appeared first on Chnlove Advisor.

Source: pickup-techniques.blogspot.com

* NOTE: THIS ARTICLE IS WRITTEN BY A FRIEND WHO GOES BY THE PSEUDONYM "PEACE" During a relationship with a psychopath, we are likely to experience a range of emotions that we've never felt before: extreme jealousy, neediness, rage, anxiety, paranoia, etc. After the inevitable devalue and discard, many of us blame ourselves." If only I hadn't been so jealous, then maybe he wouldn't have left me... If only I hadn't been so needy, then maybe he wouldn't have left me... If only I hadn't been so-" Stop. Those were not your emotions. I repeat: those were not your emotions. They were carefully manufactured by the psychopath in order to make you question your good nature. Victims are often of the mentality that they can forgive, understand and absorb all of the problems in a relationship. Essentially, they checkmate themselves by constantly trying to rationalize the abuser's completely irrational behavior. For example, most us probably didn't consider ourselves to be jealous people before we met the psychopath. We might have even taken pride in being exceptionally easy-going and open-minded. The psychopath sees this and knows how to exploit it. During the idealize phase, he draws us in by flattering those traits-he just can't believe how perfect you are. The two of you never fight. There's never any drama. You're so relaxed compared to his crazy, evil ex! But behind the scenes, something else is going on. Psychopaths become bored very easily, and the idealize phase is only fun until he has you hooked. Once that happens, these strengths of yours become vulnerabilities that he uses against you. He begins to inject as much drama into the relationship as he possibly can, throwing us into impossible situations and then judging us for reacting to them. Most people would agree that jealousy is toxic in a relationship. But there's a huge difference between true jealousy and the psychopath's manufactured jealousy. Take the following two conversations: CASE 1: BOYFRIEND: HEY, MY OLD HIGH-SCHOOL FRIEND IS COMING INTO TOWN IF YOU'D LIKE TO MEET HER! GIRLFRIEND: NO! WHY DO YOU NEED OTHER FEMALE FRIENDS? YOU HAVE ME. In this case, the girlfriend truly seems to have some jealousy issues that need to be addressed. Assuming he hasn't abused her in the past, this is an inappropriate display of jealousy. CASE 2: BOYFRIEND: MY EX IS COMING INTO TOWN. YOU KNOW, THE CRAZY ABUSIVE ONE WHO'S STILL COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH ME. GIRLFRIEND: OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT! BOYFRIEND: WE'RE PROBABLY GOING TO MEET UP LATER FOR DRINKS. SHE ALWAYS HITS ON ME WHEN SHE DRINKS. GIRLFRIEND: I'M CONFUSED. COULD WE TALK ABOUT THIS IN PERSON? BOYFRIEND: YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT? GIRLFRIEND: NOPE! NO PROBLEM. I GUESS I WAS JUST A LITTLE CONFUSED SINCE YOU SAID SHE ABUSED YOU. BUT I HOPE THINGS GO WELL! IT'S NICE WHEN EXES ARE ABLE TO BE FRIENDS. BOYFRIEND: JESUS CHRIST, YOU'RE SO JEALOUS SOMETIMES. GIRLFRIEND: I'M SORRY, I'M NOT TRYING TO BE JEALOUS. I WAS JUST CONFUSED AT FIRST. MAYBE WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT IN PERSON? BOYFRIEND: YOUR JEALOUSY IS RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP AND CREATING SO MUCH UNNECESSARY DRAMA. GIRLFRIEND: I'M SORRY! WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT IN PERSON. I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN TO COME ACROSS THAT WAY. BOYFRIEND: IT'S FINE, I FORGIVE YOU. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WORK THROUGH YOUR JEALOUSY ISSUES. In this case, the psychopath did three things: 1) Put the victim in an impossible situation that would make "any "human being jealous, especially after talking about how crazy the ex is. 2) Accused the victim of being jealous, even though the victim tried to respond reasonably. 3) Played "good guy" by offering to forgive her for a problem that he created in the first place. This places him in his favorite role of teacher vs. student. The longer this abuse occurs, the more we begin to wonder if we actually have a jealousy problem. And it's not just limited to jealousy. To offer another example, many of us may begin to feel needy and clingy during the relationships with the psychopath. But again, it's all manufactured. Who was the one who initiated the constant conversation and attention in the first place? It was him. Once he's bored, he will start to lash out at us for trying to continue practices that "he" initiated. Again, most people would agree that neediness is toxic in a relationship. But there's a huge difference between true neediness and the psychopath's manufactured neediness. CASE 1: BOYFRIEND: HEY, I WON'T BE AROUND TONIGHT BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER WANTS TO GET DINNER. SORRY! GIRLFRIEND: OH MY GOD, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN THREE HOURS. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. YOU BETTER TEXT ME THE ENTIRE TIME. In this case, the girlfriend truly seems to have some neediness issues that need to be addressed. Assuming he hasn't abused her in the past, this is an inappropriate display of neediness. CASE 2: GIRLFRIEND: HI, I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU IN THREE DAYS. JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE DOING OKAY. BOYFRIEND: JESUS CHRIST, I HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOU, YOU KNOW. GIRLFRIEND: I KNOW, I WAS JUST SORT OF CONFUSED BECAUSE I'M USED TO HEARING FROM YOU EVERY DAY. BOYFRIEND: YOU'RE SO NEEDY. I HAVE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO AND I CAN'T JUST DROP EVERYTHING TO TEXT YOU. GIRLFRIEND: I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SOUND NEEDY. IT WAS THE FIRST TEXT I'VE SENT IN THREE DAYS. BOYFRIEND: I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS. I'VE NEVER MET SOMEONE SO NEEDY IN MY LIFE. GIRLFRIEND: I'M REALLY SORRY! I WON'T BOTHER YOU AGAIN. BOYFRIEND: IT'S FINE, I FORGIVE YOU. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WORK THROUGH YOUR NEEDINESS ISSUES. Once again... In this case, the psychopath did three things: 1) Put the victim in an impossible situation that would make "any "human being needy, especially after the constant attention in the idealize phase. 2) Accused the victim of being needy, even though the victim tried to respond reasonably. 3) Played "good guy" by offering to forgive her for a problem that he created in the first place. This places him in his favorite role of teacher vs. student. The longer this abuse occurs, the more we begin to wonder if we are actually needy people. We must understand that in loving, healthy relationships, no one would ever put us in these situations in the first place. Our boundaries were put to the test, and we did the absolute best we could, given the circumstances. In the future, we should never allow someone to tell us who we are or what we feel. Happy Healing to all!

We all start out as females in the womb and later those babies whom biology has determined are to have male physical characteristics develop into males. Those designated to have female physical characteristics continue to develop into females.

As soon as a boy child and a girl child are born, society treats them differently. Blue is the colour for boys and although their mother can get away to some extent with adding frills and lace to their baby costumes, society dictates that their maleness is acknowledged and respected. Girls, on the other hand, are treated with less respect and are immediately put into pink, ultra feminine, over the top costumes, dripping with lace and frills, and silks and satins.

Once out of babyhood, the paths of the boy and girl diverge significantly. For the boy, he is "breeched", allowed the privilege of wearing trousers and his clothing is plain and practical. Even on formal occasions, a boy will not be made to wear feminine frills and lace. For the girl, her path is effectively an extended period of babyhood. She has to wear frilly underwear, pantyhose or frilly anklets, mary janes, dainty frocks and has to wear her hair long so that ribbons can be put into it. On formal occasions, when the girl has to be a bridesmaid for example, her clothes will be even more feminine and restrictive.

The differences are not only in clothing. Boys and girls are treated differently. A boy has more freedom and fewer rules and is indulged. A girl is kept on a tight lease, made to be demure, submissive and ladylike and has chores to do and gets little thanks or notice. The message conveyed is that boys are there to be indulged and girls are there to serve them.

At school and for the rest of her life, the girl generally has to wear a dress or skirt and frilly underwear and long hair. The boy continues in trousers, pants and short hair. Women not only have to wear skirts and dresses, but dainty lingerie, stockings and high heels.

The assumption is that males are the stronger, more logical and more practical sex and that females are weaker, more emotionally unstable and frivilous and the ultra feminine clothes that they are made to wear serve to reinforce that impression.

Which though is the stronger sex? Biologically, females have greater endurance and on average live longer and have the ability to conceive, carry and bear children, which makes the female indispensible. Girls and women also mature earlier than boys and men, which gives them a big advantage at school, and is one reason why girls are doing so well academically whilst boys are falling further and further behind. Females are intellectually and emotionally stronger than males, better at focusing on goals, better organised, better team players, better at multi-tasking and better at using technology. Even physically, although the male has a head start in terms of muscle development, if girls and women put their minds to it and work out they can equal and then surpass males physically. The scope for males to develop much more muscle than they already have is limited so females can at least equal them in this area.

Women were forced to be feminine and were forcibly feminised in the past because males deluded society (and themselves) that they were superior and kept women in their place in the home. Women in the past and even to this day unwittingly support the myth of male superiority by continuing to feminise their daughters. Clever, talented girls are held back because they are forced to be feminine whilst their less clever brothers are pushed towards being masculine and to hold leadership roles they are not qualified for.

This is changing though, as it is increasingly becoming evident that it is the female who is superior and that she is rising to leadership of society, in spite of their being feminised and pressured to be beautiful rather than assertive. Males are aware of this and whilst a small minority welcome this development, most are at best confused and some are terrified at the prospect of the inevitability of female domination.

Girls are aware of their superiority over boys and that most of them are more masculine than boys are. All but the most girliest of girls must resent the frills and lace they have to wear and the urge to be pretty rather than smart whilst the boys have the privilege of trousers and not being required to be pretty and being assumed to be smart.

For the last hundred years or so, woman has managed to become more masculine in order to succeed in gaining equality and superiority over man and she is becoming more masculine as time moves on. Males, aware of their inferiority and confused and demotivated by their rapidly disappearing status, are becoming more feminine in nature.

Woman will one day gain control of society and reason that it is for the inferior male to wear the clothes that show and reinforce his femininity, the dress, skirt, high heels and the pretty, dainty, frilly underwear that symbolises pure femininity, whilst the female assumes masculine dress as the superior, more masculine sex. In the new order, a boy baby will be put into a pink, lacy baby frock, bonnet and frilly rhumba pants whilst his sister will be put into a plain blue romper suit.

Once out of babyhood, the girl will graduate to trousers and allowed the freedom to realise her full potential and natural masculinity. Her brother will have the extended period of babyhood in gingham frocks, frilled knickers and anklets, wearing mary janes, perhaps with hosiery, with his hair long or perhaps in ringlets with ribbons and other hair accessories added. He will be encouraged to be pretty and kept under strict rules. He will be made to play with dolls to reinforce his femininity and role as a nurterer and live in a sedate, feminine enviroment. The effect of wearing feminine clothes will induce passivity and submissive behaviour in the boy and bring out his natural femininity.

At school, the girl will score high academically in trousers, the boy will attend in a skirt, blouse, pretty panties and pantyhouse, with his hair still long and maybe still in ribbons and and be encouraged towards homemaking and beauty rather than serious academic study. The girl will go on to university and a career whilst the boy will leave school and become a waitress, maid or secretary, wearing the short skirts, make up, high heels and dainty underwear such a role demands until an assertive, successful and more masculine girl takes him for her husband. The feminine husband will be the homemaker, attired in a dress or skirt during the day, in an elegant gown with his hair styled in a feminine fashion when he has to play his role as trophy husband, and in bed, wearing a basque, lace thong or silky french knickers, sexy stilettos, stockings and suspenders to please a demanding wife.

Femininity is a construct of society and can be imposed on anyone, regardless of their genetic sex. Males imposed it upon females and soon it will be in the power of females to take revenge and impose it upon the male. I hope that day comes soon for the world will be a better place when women and men are in their rightful roles and dress.

Credit: aisha-vip.blogspot.com

By Willie E. Vazquez

The Law of Attraction is such a powerful law, yet I find that most people aren't taking full advantage of it. Just like the law of gravity, when you drop something you know it will fall, the same goes for Law of Attraction. What you focus on expands - like attracts like. For example if you're focusing on how much you want more money and feeling how good it will feel to get it, you are attracting it to happen. However, the same goes for the opposite.

This struggle mentality validates the assumptions that life is hard and you have to work hard to get make ends meet or to get ahead. It places the under-achiever in declivity while setting the high performance achiever up for burnout. This struggle mentality is a sickness that is perpetuated by both the unsuccessful and the successful. There is a high price attached to success that is adrenaline-based; there is this unending pressure to go faster, work harder, jump higher, sleep less, and do more. This model of success is very unattractive, very expensive, and is simply a more glamorous form of failure.

The high performance achiever may be relentless at first, but eventually as the burn intensifies, they begin to ask themselves, "Is this all there is?" There is a better way that leads to success that can be achieved and sustained without amputating other important aspects of yourself and your life. Steven Lane Taylor, author of the book Row, Row, Row Your Boat; A Guide for Living Life in the Divine Flow", suggests that we can intentionally tap into the flow of life's benevolent energy. When we do, we begin to move gently toward our goals instead of racing past them like an Olympic runner being chased by a herd of frightened elephants. The high performance achiever is often the one who is most at risk in becoming trapped in the work harder, faster, longer paradigm.

A successful program is where someone doesn't need to write down notes to learn. I believe that's the most effective way to be a quality leader; when you can have student's or individuals learn through the mind, not their notes. The best lessons are taught about life are through communication. No one remembers a test that took where they learned something. Either though some might not think this, but a test would be harder if the student had to verbally say the answer to you. Putting answers on a paper does not solidify a student's learning capabilities. Whenever would someone ask a question during a conversation and have someone write down the answer to them. Knowledge is based on verbal communication and interaction with someone. That's makes a successful program.

Have you ever been introduced to somebody and immediately picked up a "bad vibe", this is because the frequencies and energy you're both radiating aren't in alignment, therefore there's conflicting energy on a subconscious level.Although we are unaware of the influence our subconscious mind has on us, it is directly influencing our conscious mind so when your vibes aren't in alignment with the other person you'll immediately get the signal of bad vibes from your conscious mind.You certainly don't need any psychic abilities or such like in order to pick up on the vibes that others are radiating, everyone is picking up these vibes on a subconscious level whether they are aware of it or not. We are always being influenced and stimulated by these vibes.

WHO DO STUDENTS REMEMBER THE MOST? Answer: Physical Educators. Unfortunately in schools, physical education is last on the list as importance but first on the list of fun things to do in school. Even though boys and girls might not enjoy doing yoga as a lesson, at the end of the day they know that it's better than sitting in a class and learning about General Robert E Lee's plan about the battle of irrelevant. They remember physical educators because Student's actually get to converse with their teacher during the lesson instead of sitting there and listening (interaction).Students receive praise based on the ability of a motor skill (rewards).There active and play sports (fun).They stay awake in school (heart rate), and last

Physical Educators are the most approachable because they can't communicate by a textbook or a power point. The only teachers a student is going to remember from grades K-12 outside of physical education are teachers that coached you or another sport, or gave you a recommendation, or gave you life advice, good-looking, or was the worst teacher of all time. If someone asked me to name my physical educators from K-12, I could tell you all of them or at least 10 of them in one breathe. Point is I find it amazing that physical education is low of totem pole when they are remembered the most and looked at the most by students. Fun is magic. When you are happy, people will smile. When you are nice, people gravitate. When fun, people are will follow you anywhere.

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There I was, poised to go to the gym, and I got a call from my South African friend Shaun, who is in London on business. Shaun is married to my oldest friend Caroline, and I have known both of them since I was five-years-old. I think I had a pretty fortunate upbringing in that we lived in a safe kind of neighborhood, and all my friends were within walking distance, enabling us to traffic between eachother's homes at all hours. Most of us experienced our first kiss, drink, and cigarettes together, among other more deviant teenage activities.

But what makes my relationship with both Caroline and Shaun so special to me, is that we can go through long periods (years even) of not talking while we get on with the business of life, and then pick up a phone and talk as though we saw each other just yesterday. Solid, low-maintenance friendships. These are people I can be completely honest with without fear of looking like an eejit. Aside from the fact that they know pretty much all of my historical dirty laundry, they also chose to hang out with me despite some embarrassing home-made haircuts. That in itself deserves some credit.

Shaun supplies clothes to some big retailers in the USA and South Africa, and after lunch we popped into some stores on Oxford Street so he could get a feel for trends here. I trotted alongside, blabbering about how women like Kate Moss and Sienna Miller set the fashion scene for younger women in the UK, and how popular designer knock-offs are etc. In another life I would have loved to be a fashion buyer.

After we parted ways, I visited a few shoe shops. No matter how blue I'm feeling, shoe shopping, even shoe window shopping, seldom fails to lift me out of my funk. Even if I have no plans on buying, just walking around, picking up shoes and admiring the different materials, cuts, and accessories, makes me feel kind of calm and happy. Also, I'm very pleased to see that wedges have made a comeback again this year, and I already have two pairs. Wedges are great for giving you height, without the teetering effect. And at 5.3 I can use all the extra height I can get.

I popped in on Marianne Keyes's website yesterday. She is the only women I know that is as cosmetic-mad as me. OK, perhaps aside from my future sis-in-law Cayt. Marianne's make-up diary is a treasure trove of cosmetic info, and she regularly reviews new ranges in her typically direct and humorous way. I often purchase things at her recommendation.

Since starting the Patrick Holford way of eating, and taking supplements, my skin is a lot less dry then it used to be, which is a relief. I was spending a fortune on different cleansers trying to find one which didn't leave my skin feeling like an elephants backside, but now think there was clearly something lacking in my diet. I also went for a Dermalogica facial last week, because I think as with the dental hygenist (which it just so happens I saw on the same day), things like teeth and skin need to have a deep cleaning from time to time, despite the risk of great pain. Ingalena, my hygenist, suggested that a visit with her before our wedding might be nice, as though my clean gums would somehow be a key feature for our big day. But, as it turns out, she is away for the entire month of August. "What a real pity", I said, trying my very best not to show how pleased I was.

Photo: Gold wedges c/o shoes.com

I've never had a home birth and I'm not sure I ever will. I thought I should get that out at the beginning, just in the interest of complete honesty, because what I want to address is the topic of out of hospital births and I think it's important for others to know that I don't have personal experience with out of hospital births. What I do have personal experience with is the anxiety a mother feels while making her birth decisions and I think every woman should have the right to choose the birth environment that makes sense to her.

I have known at least four smart, well-researched women who have had births at home or free standing birth center births and I fully supported them in those births and would support anyone else who also chose to birth outside of a hospital and here's why: Home birth does not equal a nineteenth century birth that eschews all modern medicine. Home birth just means a birth that occurs at home. (If any interventions had seemed necessary or if complications such as infection, bleeding, or anything else had arisen, I know that each of them would have been at the hospital in a minute! In fact, one of my friends did have some hemorrhaging and she did not hesitate to go to the hospital because that is what hospitals are for--helping people who "need" modern medicine or interventions before, during, or after birth!) People who choose to home birth are not necessarily anti-interventions and anti-medicine, they are just anti-interventions unless they are "necessary and appropriate. "

A person who home births is no less anti-necessary medicine than a person who tries safe, effective home remedies for a cold or an injury before going to the hospital. The truth is that for most healthy women who are at low risk for complications and whose baby is at low risk for complications, the hospital with all of its bells and whistles is not necessary and being in the hospital (many argue) puts that low risk woman in danger of interventions that might be unnecessary in a lower stress, more familiar environment like the home. Home is also usually within a comfortable driving distance of a hospital. After all, we trust our home to be safe enough that if any kind of dangerous accident happens there (like a tree falling, or a poisoning, or a fall down the stairs, or a knife/chainsaw/lawn mower incident--all of which, by the way, are more common than a catastrophic birth experience), we will get to the hospital in time or we wouldn't buy that home to begin with.

I get why people are nervous about home births. The thought of anything happening to a newborn baby is too awful to contemplate. If you are that afraid that something will happen in your birth or with your newborn that it will need immediate attention and cannot wait the ten or fifteen minute car ride to a hospital (or whatever distance the nearest birth center or your home is from the hospital), than you are absolutely correct to birth in a hospital. You have decided that you are fine with a twenty percent increased risk of getting a c-section and a much higher risk of having some other kind of intervention, and I don't think anyone will judge you for it. You weighed your risks and your options and you made a choice that the ability to have interventions if you need them is more important to you than the risk of having interventions you don't need. That's fine. Conversely, if you have researched it and you are willing to take the risk that the distance your house is from the nearest emergency room might be too much if something catastrophic happens in your birth, than I think you should have the right to take that risk without judgment as well. A mother who chooses home birth or an out of hospital birth has probably weighed her risk options and used the same kind of reasoning, love, and care to come to her own decision. No one should assume she hasn't. She isn't being selfish. She just chose to take a slight risk of something happening without immediate intervention, over a much higher risk of an intervention happening without it being necessary.

I also understand why many doctors and nurses are anti-home birth and don't understand why anyone would choose it. I have known a couple of nurses who work in NICUs or labor units in hospitals and they cringe to think about babies born outside of hospitals because in their line of work they have only ever seen home birth babies and mothers with complications. However, that's because the only time out of hospital birthing babies or mothers come to the hospital is when there is a complication. Nurses and doctors know very little about healthy home births because they have never been involved in them. Because only about.67 percent of women in the US had home births in 2011, I have to believe that most hospital interventions and NICU resources are used for hospital births. In fact, elective inductions (choosing to have your labor induced when it is past your due date or for another non-medical reason--a trend that has grown to nearly 30% of all births in some hospitals) result in more babies being placed in the NICU than home births.

However, what I don't understand is people who get angry with women and try to take their right to choose their place of birth away from them simply because they would not make that same choice themselves. It is not as if most of these women are denying medical help when they need it; they are simply denying medical help unless or until they need it. There is a world of difference between those two statements. I respect women's rights to make their own, educated medical decisions no matter if their choices agree with mine or not. Other people should do the same; it's not like they are trying to take away the right to choose birth in hospitals.

Thanks for reading,

Shawna

I'll be honest here. Our relationship started as a one night stand when I met her in a bar. Not the greatest of starts. But I really liked her and thought she was so beautiful and charming. I convinced her to grab a cup of coffee with me - sober. During the date we agreed that since we already have rushed it we should slow it down. She suggested that I wasn't allowed to touch her or try and kiss her until she did it to me first.

And now it's been 2 weeks and we've seen each other every night. There has been a few "moments" where a kiss would be perfect but no luck. She is just teasing me and sometimes leaning in to kiss me but then backs away. I think she is enjoying teasing me too much. How do I make her kiss me? Cause if she doesn't I'm going to grab her and just press her against the wall....

Reference: quickpua.blogspot.com

Let's face it and face it now. At times, you are going to find planning your wedding abroad a complete and utter nightmare! You'll have countless conversations with yourself over whether or not you have made the right decision to wed away and will be sick and tired of the whole thing, but guess what - it will all pass, and even better? There is a practical way to deal with it if it gets too much.

Image via Elizabeth Anne Designs

At Fly Away Bride, we believe everyone can plan a wedding but some people can just do it better and easier than others. For these people, it's their profession and they do it everyday of the week. Here are 5 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER.

1. TIME

Planning a wedding, let alone a destination wedding is a time consuming task, and time is something that so many people are simply short of. Whether you are having a wedding abroad or one at home, it's a wise idea to evaluate your current lifestyle. Have you hours in the evening to spare? What about the weekend? If not, can you alter your lifestyle to find these hours? A wedding planner will offer services that can greatly reduce the time and effort you have to put in. From drawing up a shortlist of venues that are in line with your vision to coordinating, even attending meetings on your behalf.

The other time factor to be considered is your timezone difference. How big is it? Planning a Rome wedding from San Francisco means you are trying to communicate with vendors who are 9 hours ahead of you. Their work day is over before you have even begun yours, slowing the planning process down. A local planner can do all the leg-work for you during the day and get faster results.

Lastly, hiring a wedding planner will mean that you will have more time to relax, chill out and explore your new surroundings with family and friends. When guests are travelling so far to be with you on your big day, it's important that you get to spend quality time with them. Allowing a planner to draft up schedules that maximise your free time once you arrive, means you can enjoy your own wedding and have confidence that the day itself will run like clockwork.

Image via Desire, Design Delight

2. LANGUAGE BARRIER

You want to get married in France but your vocabulary is limited to "Oui" and "Baguette". You have a few options here. Set Google Translate as your homepage, take a course or hire a local wedding planner. You will not appreciate the value of hiring a local planner until you have had too many awkward conversations with French speaking florists and no email responses from vendors who didn't understand your inquiry in the first place.

Hiring a wedding planner that speaks your language means that you have a far better chance of ensuring your flower centrepieces are beautifully asymmetrical, your mother's meal is gluten free and that your aunt's room has air conditioning. This is because your wedding planner will be able to manage the relationship between your suppliers because they can translate your vision and communicate your specific requirements to them, and all on your behalf.

Image via Iowa State Daily

3. LEGALITIES

Perhaps one of the biggest challenges a couple will face when planning their wedding abroad is understanding the legal obligations they are going to have to fulfill. Where it is possible for you to have a legal ceremony, the paperwork and timescales can be quite confusing and even though we have made an effort to educate you on the legalities of getting married in certain countries around Europe, a local wedding planner can actually walk you through the process, step by step. They will let you know exactly what documents you require and the dates you need them by. They will be able to communicate easily with the town halls and powers that be to book in your actual wedding day and work directly with you to make sure you know the process to follow in order to receive your marriage certificate after your wedding.

Image via Wedding Chicks

4. LOCAL VENDOR KNOWLEDGE

Most planners will offer separate services to their full wedding planning packages. Maybe you can't find a venue that has enough bedrooms, or a baker that can make you a three tiered, red velvet cake. A local wedding planner will have a list of contacts and for a smaller fee than their full wedding package, will be able to send you on referrals. Of course, using a planner from start to finish will also offer you this luxury, saving you time, effort and worry. Reputable planners will only work with the best in the industry, suppliers that they can trust themselves. They should be able to give you plenty of vendor options so that you can choose a style that resonates with you. They will also be able to communicate more effectively with these suppliers once you have selected them.

Image via City Journal

5. MONEY MATTERS

Hiring a wedding planner, believe it or not, can actually save you money. Many planners have developed good relationships with suppliers and are comfortable negotiating rates with them. A good wedding planner will also help you set and STICK TO your budget, finding you alternative solutions when and where necessary.

We will also be giving some tips on choosing a wedding planner in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for that.

The post FAB Guide 5 Reasons Why You Should Hire a Wedding Planner appeared first on Fly Away Bride.

Source: young-pickup-artist.blogspot.com

Basically when i was younger, i was badly abused by a man for a few years of which this still impacts upon my life today. After a few years ive finally got myself back on my own two feet and i now go to uni, have a part time job etc. Its been really hard to trust people however over a year ago now i met a guy who iv been with ever since. Dont get me wrong i do really love him however due to the previous events in my life of which i feel i lost many of my teenage years, i want to in a way be able to live my life in the greatest way i can now. So as a result i really dont know what to do. I love this guy however i feel that if i was to stay with him for the rest of my life,i could start to resent him later on in life due to settling down too soon and not truly experiencing life. On the other hand i could loose a amazing guy forever. Im 21 and i know some people are content with settling down at this age but i feel like i have so much more i need to do alone but i also dont want to completely loose him. So what do i do?

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