Tips And Tricks How To Start A Conversation

I found this as a comment on femalepickupatrist.com:

"Just a quick question. I am a guy, and I don't see the point of becoming a PUA when you are a girl. If you are attractive, most guys will be more than happy if you go talk to them. You don't even need to attempt a pick-up with a lot of them, just say "now" and many of them will go wherever you want them to go (some guys really have no self-respect...). And a lot of girls say they like confidence. Would you be able to be attracted to a guy not even able to go talk to you? I am not trying to dismiss female PUAs, it's just that it's the first time I hear about it and I don't really see the point, since the dynamics and the way of thinking between guys and girls are way different."

Well I have a couple things to say to that if you don't mind. First, like I mentioned in the last post, being a PUA is about more than just picking up men at bars. It's about being comfortable and interesting enough to talk to in any social situation. Personally, and I hope I speak for most women, I don't want to end up with the guy that who has no self-respect. I also don't want to end up with the drunkest guy in the bar. The goal for PUAs is the exact same for both sexes: It's about figuring out what you want and making it happen.

One thing that I find really hinges on my success with men is practise. I talk to strangers. A lot. I talk to cab drivers, old men on the street, people beside me on the plane, and even couples. Everyone. Why would I do that? Well, I find that the more people I talk to, the better I get at connecting with people. Basically, if you can be engaging everywhere you go, you will be more prepared when a man walks into your life and makes you forget your name.

Here are some tips for starting conversations.

1. Find common ground... anything. The reason why it is so easy to meet people at bars is because you instantly have something in common: booze. If you're in the grocery store, you have food; if you're at the park, you have sunshine. Small talk is all about relating to another person on superficial terms. I also never say hello. What a boring opener.

2. Ask questions and do not do all the talking. Women are pretty big culprits when it comes to talking non-stop when they're nervous. Silence does not have to be awkward, and asking questions ensures the conversation doesn't stall. Besides, this is basically a mini-interview. You want to know if he's actually worth your time.

3. Pay attention to body language. There are always two channels of communication happening between people: verbal and non-verbal. If you are completely unsure of how to act, the best way to make him feel comfortable is to mimic his body language. If there is a definite message you want to convey, try using your body instead of your words. Look him in the eye, lean in when he says something interesting, and mind your posture ladies.

An example from the other day:

Re: Really Cute Hipster Coffee Dude (CHCD) waiting for his tall Americano.

Me: You wouldn't happen to live around here would you?

CHCD: yeah, actually

Me:... great. Do you know a good brunch place? I'm new to the area.

CHCD: (reaches for coffee, exposing a cool wrist tattoo) yeah there's one two doors down. It looks rundown but has good service.

Me: Great I'm meeting a girlfriend in a bit. We'll check it out.

CHCD: Cool (silence... seeing if he would pick up the conversation)

Me: Couldn't help notice your tattoo. It's sweet. Is there a story?

CHCD: Yeah actually it's...

Me: (grabs coffee and interrupts) sorry, do you want to sit? I have a bit before my girlfriend gets here.

CHCD: Sure. Anyways...

Finding common ground is key. Try it out and let me know how it goes.

btw. Got his number, went to some cool art shows, drank some coffee then graciously backed away.

One key thing I always do when I chat with men is allow them to initiate. We're still women here, and you never want to come off too aggressive or forceful. You just never know how men will take it. Once you really start to learn how to read body language, you'll know when you can push it a little.

Till Next Time!