Overcoming The Fear Of Being Single Forever

I've got a fascinating story for you. Tell me if it sounds familiar You're hanging out talking with some friends, when all of a sudden the conversation turns to a common topic - love and relationships. And each woman at the table starts talking about the situation she's in and all the amazing things about it. At first you're enjoying the stories and you're happy for your friends. But then it hits you You are the only person there who ISN'T in an ongoing positive relationship. Everyone else at the table has someone in their life who they're excited and optimistic about. Everyone else has something "real". Everyone except you. You're ALONE and that guy who you "date", without the relationship going anywhere, well he doesn't cut it. So you stop for a second and think "Maybe it's me". "Maybe it's not all because of the way men are, but how I am. That explains why I don't have real love in my life." As you think about this for a second, you can't help but feel a little lonely all of a sudden, and a small twinge of sadness wells up inside. But as these feelings start to grow, you know inside that you deserve better, and you wish the feeling would just go away. But it doesn't and the last thing you want to do is "go there" in front of your friends. Especially since they just got through telling all of their great stories. You don't want them to know how you really feel right now and you wish this feeling and problem would just go away. You think to yourself: "Why does love and a relationship with a man have to be so difficult?" "If only men weren't so difficult to be with." But then your "protective" side kicks in, and you start fighting these feelings and tell yourself: "I don't need a man." "I'm happy with my life as it is." "I'm happy to be single and focus on myself right now, instead of wasting my time and energy in a dead-end situation with a man." "Men are all screwed up and trouble anyways, and I don't need that in my life right now." Ahhhh it starts to work and you calm down and regain your "cool". But somewhere deep down inside, you know why you felt sad. Seeing all your friends happy in their love lives reminded you of something For all the reasons you have to be happy, and all the ways you can convince other people (and yourself) that you're fulfilled, you REALLY DO want something much, much better. You want a REAL CONNECTION. You want to share REAL LOVE and BE LOVED. And you wonder how long you can avoid the reality that these things are MISSING from your life by staying busy and taking care of other areas of life. You know you can't go on this way forever. Something has to change. There HAS to be something better out there for you. Or else what's it all for? But then you remember It's been months, maybe even years, since you've actually made the time and space in your life to meet and connect with the kind of man who could bring great things back into your love life. And in fact, the idea of "dating" sounds like a complete and utter NIGHTMARE. Sitting through a date listening to some bozo, who has no idea how to really connect with you, ramble on about himself, would just make you feel even more hopeless and alone. So you've basically shut out of your life, the idea of dating and going out with men, for more than friendship. But then how are you supposed to meet and connect with a great guy? And how did EVERYONE ELSE around you manage to become CLOSE and COMMITTED with a good guy, while you're having an impossible time finding a guy who isn't totally clueless? Do they know something you don't? Are you just UNLUCKY in love and not meant to have a great relationship for yourself? Are they somehow more attractive than you are? Why does it have to be so difficult? And why does it have to be such a "game"?
End of story** Ok, I know I got a little "heavy" on you there, but it's for your own good. This story is basically a myth a collection of common situations, fears, beliefs, etc. that women experience. And in case you didn't notice, a lot of what was going on here in the story had to do with a woman's own limiting thoughts, frustrations and negative beliefs about men, dating and relationships. If you identified with a few of these thoughts, fears, etc. then I want you to recognize something Some women have VERY FEW of these negative and limiting thoughts. While other women have TONS. I'm talking 10, 20, 30 and 50 times a day here. And what do you think that does for a woman? Or for you? Let's try something new today - an exercise. Take a second and imagine something for me Picture in your mind a woman you know who's either single or in a "troubled" relationship. Make sure you have a clear picture of her in your mind. Now I want you to imagine her having negative thoughts and fears like the ones we've been talking about here. In fact, I also want you to give her some of the fears and negative thoughts that you have. And now concentrate on how these thoughts make her FEEL and ACT. See how they affect her emotions, her attitude and even her body language. I'll give you a second to picture this clearly in your mind Ok, now imagine a situation comes up for her uncertain situation with the man in her life. Picture her emotions, her thoughts and how she communicates to the man in her life in your head. I'll give you a second to think about this and imagine it happening in your mind. I'll give you another minute. Ok, come on back. Now, I want you answer a question for me - How did all of her negative thoughts affect how she interacted with her guy? Did they help guide her to positive and constructive communication that brought them CLOSER together? Or did it tend to make communication with him MORE DIFFICULT and create DISTANCE? I'm sure you came up with all kinds of fascinating insights and realizations, but here's what I want you to see here Communicating from a place of fear and insecurity with a man will more often create DISTANCE than it will bring you and a man together. Unless the guy you're with is ALREADY an expert at communicating and dealing with these things himself, and who keeps your fears from coming between you both. If only men were experts when it came to having open, lasting relationships and communicating in ways that would bring you closer, right? Wouldn't that be nice. Well, the truth is men are RARELY experts in these areas. And sure a man COULD come along and be such a wonderful and amazing guy that he would help make relationships and communicating easier. But if that doesn't happen, or the great guy you do find doesn't happen to have these natural skills and abilities (and by the way, most men don't) Then guess what? It's up to YOU. He's not going to make it work FOR YOU. In fact, the reality is that as you are first becoming close with a man, he's more likely to trigger your own fears than to help resolve them. I'm not telling you about this right now just because I'm trying to teach you some "mumbo jumbo" about how thoughts, energy and intention work together (Which they do.) But for another simple reason - There's something you can do right now to DRAMATICALLY improve the level of connection and intimacy you have in your love life. It all starts in one place. Paying attention to HOW YOU THINK. On a basic level, your own patterns of THINKING and FEELING lead to the ACTIONS you take and the BEHAVIOR you display. And guess what can create a "negative filter" on your THINKING and FEELINGS? FEAR. And if you're finding that your actions and behaviors aren't "naturally" attracting good men and creating healthy long term relationships then you've got something to look at right now - Your own thoughts and emotions, and your own fears. And, of course, you could worry about HIS ISSUES too, but let's save working on him for later when you're up to speed on all this for yourself. GETTING PAST FEAR, "CONNECTING" ON A DEEP LEVEL, AND MAKING MEN ADDICTED TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP Ok, let's get to some real ANSWERS here. What do you DO when you have negative, fearful, limiting thoughts and situations going on in your mind that are affecting your love life? Well, I'm not going to tell you that all women who are single or in "dead-end" relationships are in that place in their life JUST BECAUSE they think and feel in "fear-based" and "self-limiting" ways. But do the math. What kind of women do you think men "naturally" gravitate towards? What kind of women do you think men "instinctively" feel good when they're around, even if they don't know why? What kind of women do you think men understand, on a subconscious level and make great long term partners? Right again. Women who are in CONTROL of their own fears and emotions when it comes to men, dating and relationships. Why? It's NOT because feelings and emotions are themselves bad Feelings and emotions are probably the most beautiful part of what makes us human and allows us to experience the world in a deep and meaningful way. But, what I'm talking about here is NEGATIVE feelings. Because negative feelings, more often than not, lead to NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES. And women who are in CONTROL of their EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES and who have a handle on their own emotional state, know how to do something that other women can't and will never be able to fake They know how to consistently create more POSITIVE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES with men. On one level, it really is that simple. In practice, it's much harder. The truth is that men are attracted to one woman and not another largely because of the way that one woman makes them FEEL. And NOT because of what logically sound qualities each person and the relationship has. ATTRACTION and CONNECTION have their own "logic". I'll say it again so you can really hear it this time - A man is attracted to a woman and wants to be with her, and only her, because of the way he FEELS when he's around her. And not for any other reason. Not even if the women is the most loving, caring, sweet, generous, and intelligent woman in the world. I'm even going to "translate" this for you so you're sure to start seeing it more clearly - Translation: The emotional experiences that a man has when he's around a woman are the single most powerful reasons why he either wants a long term relationship, or doesn't. And to make this even more clear, let me tell you what this DOESN'T mean It DOESN'T mean that a man wants to be with a woman because he VALUES a relationship and having true love in his life. Or that a woman can be so good to a man and do so many loving and generous things for him that he recognizes the LOGICAL value of staying with her and makes the "right" decision. Feelings and emotions have their own logic, which has NOTHING to do with what makes "sense" or what is "fair". And the sooner you accept this as true about men, the easier EVERYTHING in your love life and relationship will become. CREATING A DEEP LEVEL OF "EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION" THAT WILL LEAD TO A LASTING RELATIONSHIP So how do you make a man FEEL when he's around you? What are the conscious and subconscious emotional reactions and responses he's likely to be having with you, based on your emotions and your behavior? Take a minute and think about it. .. .. Here's the bottom line A woman who can communicate to a man on a deeper level that she's AWARE and IN CONTROL of her own experience and "emotional" state will make a man feel INTENSE ATTRACTION for her on that same emotional level. She's an "emotionally attractive" woman, which can tell a man all kinds of things about her BEYOND the PHYSICAL ATTRACTION and interest he might have. On the other hand Women who DON'T have a handle on these things have quite a different affect on men - These women can still usually make men feel PHYSICAL ATTRACTION but they often set off all kinds of conscious and subconscious "warning signs" in a man's mind. Signals that then become FEELINGS and EMOTIONS inside the man that tells him to RUN. And under no circumstance commit himself and attach his emotional experience to hers. Here's the strangest part about women who send off these "warning signals" to men Most women do this largely ON ACCIDENT. That's right. Lots of women actually trigger negative responses inside a man's mind while doing things they think are FOR THE GOOD of the relationship. How's that for COUNTERPRODUCTIVE? And hey I know it might bother you to hear some of what I'm saying. And that you probably have been more caring and generous with your thoughts and emotions in your past situations with men than they were with you. I get that. But someone needs to tell you how men really and truly think when it comes to women and relationships. And of course men have their own specialized set of "baggage" and fears too. But let me ask you What do you know, FROM EXPERIENCE, will happen if a man doesn't deal with his own fears about women and relationships? DISASTER. I'm talking withdrawal, break-ups, cheating, lying, etc. The list goes on. But if a guy takes the time and develops the "emotional maturity" to think about the negative and limiting fears HE HAS about women and relationships And finds a healthy level of AWARENESS and CONTROL around these Then this is the kind of guy that women will "naturally" be drawn to and enjoy being with. Your first step to creating a situation with a man where you BOTH feel the level of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION that will create and support a LASTING RELATIONSHIP is to accept that MEN DON'T MAKE SENSE. Why? Because remember, our EMOTIONS don't follow a logical or "rational" path. And best of luck in life and love! Your Friend, Christian Carter

Origin: datingforaverageguys.blogspot.com