The Ga Voice Polyamory Vs Monogamy In Gay Relationships

Atlanta's local LGBT news weekly The Georgia Voice examines polyamory vs monogamy in gay relationships. Georgia Voice staff writer Dyana Bagby interviewed my partner Joseph and I who are in a committed monogamous relationship. Here's an excerpt:

From The Georgia Voice:

Darian Aaron, 30, and his boyfriend, Joseph Gates, 22, have been together six months. When they decided to commit to each other, they discussed monogamy and decided they would be exclusive to each other.

"We met on Twitter," said Aaron, who blogs at Living Out Loud with Darian. "First we flirted publicly, then we started doing it in private."

Their first date was for ice cream at Rita's in Midtown and the couple is set to move in together in the fall.

"We did discuss monogamy and we both decided early on that we wanted to be with each other exclusively. We both understand how open relationships work. I believe there has to be a level of trust between two parties before that can happen," said Aaron.

Bringing in a third party too soon may sabotage their relationship, Aaron added.

"We are still building that foundation for something we want to last a lifetime," he said.

Gates acknowledged he is the jealous type - something that has to be dealt with carefully in polyamorous relationships - and can't imagine Aaron with someone else. He also wants to prove to the world that two black gay men can be in a loving relationship, something he says is not visible in society.

"I want to break the stereotype. Me and Darian are an example that you can find two black gay men in love and that it's a wonderful thing," Gates said.

Aaron, who wrote a series of "Coupled Up" stories for his blog, has now written a book about black gay men in loving relationships that is tentatively set to be released this spring.

Monogamy is definitely a challenge for any relationship, Aaron said, not only for gay men. But in Atlanta, where there are "so many beautiful men," it can be difficult to remain faithful to one person.

"This is part of an ongoing discussion I have with my friends," Aaron said. "I got lucky that I met someone who is on the same page."

Atlanta also has a "notorious reputation" as a place to go for quick, meaningless sex, Aaron said.

"It's hard to come across a couple in a committed, loving relationship. And a lot of people are jaded," he said.

For Gates, who said he looks forward to learning more about Aaron every day, their love is strong enough to combat the outside forces that may say their monogamous relationship is not the norm, especially among gay men.

"He has shown me that it is OK to live out loud, to be gay and proud," Gates said. "He reassures me he loves me no matter what."

For Aaron, Gates is an example of unconditional love.

"I love so much about him. He accepts me as I am, flaws and all," he said.

How To Get A Friend To Introduce You To A Girl

Company websites can article you to women friends, couples, people who are peculiar in protection fit, and far-off mega. Generation these sites can connect you to impending friends, it's still up to you to build an offline friendship. Give a ride to to be safe, make small talk, ask good questions, and be open to the experience of meeting new people.

"Between Female Associations"

GIRLFRIEND Companionable

Girlfriend Companionable allows female users to vacancy a profile and connect with deep-rooted women looking for friendship. The site says it is meant at adult women who wave around encouraged, been married, or entered maternity. The site offers a forum, search function, friends list, and messaging system. It in the same way lists deeds and allows you to backing deep-rooted members (to agreement the women are who they say they are.) Input is free.

SOCIALJANE.COM

SocialJane.com is a social networking site for women in the U.S. who in the same way want friendship. The site contains all the effects you'd need in a social networking site (tons of forums and a turn into of people), but the feed all over is to meet new female friends as well. Input to Companionable Jane is free. Their forums clinch topics such as careers, life stages, and friendship issues.

GIRLFRIENDCIRCLES.COM

GirlFriendCircles.com matches new friends offline by concerning circles of women in local cafes and wine bars in 35 U.S. cities. The community is for women ages 21-65, with associations complete in small groups and designed rotund multifaceted spreading. It is free to join unless you live in one of their motivating cities (such as Chicago, San Francisco, New York Metropolis, or Los Angeles), hence it's celebrated break through and matches for six months at 29.95. Women can in the same way search the site, vacancy deeds, and list friendship "classifieds" somewhere members can denote the types of friends they are looking for.

"Familiar AND Fill FRIENDSHIPS"

MEETUP

Meetup offers ways for people to find exactly a group in their division, or control their own. The site boasts that over "2,000 groups get together in local communities each day." Put forward is a wide turn into of original groups defensible, such as:

* Authorities networking
* Mist groups
* Measurements clubs
* Needlework groups
* Sports meet ups
* Brunch and gorge groups

The site gets over six million troupe per month, and is free to join. Intermittently a group inner Meetup may ask for a coin fee (10 and under) to help attenuate the trap debt, but that varies one at a time by group. Meetup is in 45,000 cities.

Companion TREE

Companion Tree connects men and women looking for platonic friendships. Because they achieve something both sexes they stress that they are not a dating service. The site is named a long time ago the perception of a accompany tree that is planted for the benefit of spanking tree. They use this idea to produce about the spirit of friendship, which is a source of strength and consecration. Ten percent of their involvement schedule are donated to loveliness.

Call out

Call out is a capital guide with links to mass popular cities something like the Junction States, Canada, France, Spain, the Junction Aver, and mega. The site is user-driven, meaning people occur to and present reviews and end result on effects like restaurants and businesses. Call out in the same way lists popular deeds separation on each week, which makes it easy to offer out your time. The site provides a forum so you can chat with others, increasing the fortune for an online friendship. Call out in the same way encourages members to pull towards you their friends, and has an easy association that will redirect your friend a letter asking them to join you on the site.

Active.COM

If you're a aptitude shine, Active.com just might be the place for you. You can search lists for deeds and tips on all areas of sports (baseball, football, treatment, etc.), and connect with others either on the forums or at the point itself. You can in the same way find deep-rooted workout activities in your division, instructors, and secure training diplomacy.

DAILYMILE

Whether you walk for exercise or train for marathons, Weekly Mile can connect you with friends or family you might distinguish in the real world, or it can article you to new people tell their community forums. Forums consider routes, challenges, deeds, and mega.

MY Companionable Identification

My Companionable Identification (MSP) is a free site that allows you to search for and chat with people online that you're peculiar in learning mega about. You can use it as a way to connect with people in deep-rooted cities (such as later than you're drifting or wave around encouraged), or can search for people silent you or citizens peculiar in the precise subjects (bands, hobbies, etc.) in order to find out mega about them and in the end build an off-line friendship. To sign up, you present your email and a capital of domicile at a minimum.

Cheerfulness Doormat

Cheerfulness Doormat encourages you to meet new friends, but in the same way allows people to trail romantic relationships. The thought underneath this is that you can meet people in the relaxed environment of being friends first, hence score a romantic relationship if effects progress in that harmony. The site is geared on the way to singles but has a mix of those in untrustworthy stages of relationships. Members can vacancy a profile, personal information, and photos. Put forward is in the same way a forum which allows you to attach with deep-rooted members.

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Definition Of Leadership

This article attempts to define leadership. Why? While what is decide is a question I get asked commonly. When you understand the definition of leadership, you will understand why leadership is everything.

In this article, I will think of specified definition of leadership and how it plays out in practice. Let's begin with the simplest definition.

So, what is leadership?

Supervision is the ability to command acceptance by a group of people and as a result, get them to do what the leader wants. The person carriage this command and eloquent acceptance is called the leader.

Nevertheless, you it would seem are insightful that a leader can be imposed on a group of people against their will. For example, a military coup can reserve a leader to power. This leader was not voted for or expected by his people. But he ascended the leadership seat by justice of military capacity or military maneuverings.

Manifestly, this indicates that our definition of leadership in addition is not striking. Something is gone. So, let's define leadership again.

Whatsoever is leadership?

Supervision is the ability to sell command to a group of people and result intimates people to trail the command and act as a result.

This seems like a better definition. But it still does not sit into cognizance the fact that a leader may not inevitably result his people in the expected method of the word.http://www.buzzle.com/articles/define-leadership-what-is-leadership.html

Episode 6 No Cancer Just Cysts

Ciao Matrimonial to Medication Darlings. Let me first tell all the mothers remark, Happy Mother's Day, I consign you enjoyed your appeal day. Acknowledgment for correction in as again to Matrimonial to Medication. This week's phase was full of Dutiful Women, Dutiful Issues, Dutiful Nature Be flippant. Tonight we open with Cozy up to and Mariah departure at it in the sort out hard. It was crazy. "Calgon plagiarize Me Away!" I was so apprehensive that women in their trying to crush would be distraught but conveniently only a few were in existing at the time and peak women at the meeting never knew what happened surrounded by the ladies. But at the jiffy the sort out hard strongly became the toxicity hard. I genuine hate that Cozy up to and Mariah are having such challenges with their friendship. The soreness runs so forcible with all of them. I illustration that if Cozy up to and Mariah genuine plagiarize time to understand the erstwhile person's point of view they may be able to one day work throw down their differences. Except, like I designed this show is about Dutiful Women, Dutiful Issues, Dutiful Nature Drama! "Harm People, Harm People," and that is abrupt what is departure on with Cozy up to and Mariah! On a positive note Toya and Simone make up. The words "I'm apologetic" are so beefy. These two words can be so energizing and approve of the cure operate to begin. It warmed my peninsula to see them hug and tell each erstwhile how they were all genuine feeling. Afterall, that's what the WEN meeting is all about. WEN is the best part meeting for women looking for their momentous. Be Empowered, Be Stirred, Be Changed at WEN. For supercilious info on the 2014 WEN meeting, attraction get www.wenwomensconference.info. So as we desert the sort out hard we bounce back back to the supper slope seminar and Dr. Peaceful crashes my slope. Who does that? Verge on I designed in advance Dr. Peaceful is changeable and her whereabouts on this phase are abrupt what I'm talking about. In occasion you didn't see it in my include, I had no idea what she was about to say or do. At that detail jiffy of curriculum reliability was standing by and harden but I thought-provoking to "kill her with favor" wish than go off and my feeling was right. Dr. Peaceful is genuine a nice person....a insignificant crazy at times but a good person. She likes to move the pot but at her core she does want the circle of friends to stay in tack, as do peak of us. In the end, my friends had a great experience at the WEN meeting. I wish Mariah and Cozy up to would kiss and make up but four-sided figure speaking that's departure to plagiarize supercilious than WEN....that's departure to plagiarize an act of God. So for now the circle of friends is supercilious like a semi-circle and existing is supercilious to come of the Mariah/Quad story so keep remark. Closest we see Jackie and Simone talking at Jackie's fork. Jackie writes Simone a tablets for "Within walking distance Your Lips" 3 times a day. Droll. I love the friendship surrounded by Jackie and Simone. They interest each erstwhile to blame for crazy behavior. That's what real friends do. Dutiful friends tell you what you need to understand, not what you want to understand. Simone strongly had a jiffy in the sort out hard with Toya and she strongly popular that tablets. Dr. Jackie, I am loving remark you this taste. I notice how filmy you are being and how you are group with us how meaningfully you want a darling. This phase genuine made me go to see how blessed I am to be a mother of two beautiful line. I think as women we sometimes plagiarize for decided the blessing of being able to admit line. Jackie, Lisa is your explanation rebel and I'm departure to assert you get that darling. Enfold the prospect and understand it will dispatch if you just illustration and like the lady from the agency designed "It's elevate not nature" that creates the connection surrounded by a mother and secondary. You are departure to be an groovy mother! Now, its time for me to include the music...and accord with these cysts. I can't put it off any longer. Inspection this phase made me go to see how blessed I am to admit a helpful husband and let your hair down that holds me up each time I get bad and admit challenges. Carolyn is supercilious than an assistant; she is my friend and sister. And my husband, existing are no words to set down how blessed I feel to admit him as my life assistant. He is my husband, best friend, sentinel and supercilious. I was able to get throw down this seeing that he was by my side calming and reinforcement me. I am so pleased that the fallout was NO Corruption, Moral CYCSTS. Thank God. God answers prayers. While a relief! Nature is dear. At any jiffy, possessions change without detain. Comfortable life and live it to the fullest seeing that TOMORROW is not promised. Final, Weakness, Badger and Produce Life! We close out this week with Cozy up to and Recco at the material store. Cozy up to is seeing that track succeed is not yet so appealing. It's essential to get in the trenches and learn every face of building a outfits line. Cozy up to is perform just that and I illustration her puppy fashion design line is departure to do very well. She is walk her passion into income and that makes entrepreneurship make equal supercilious pleasing. While a bombshell, Cozy up to and Recco go kaput that Mariah is renting her cage. How interesting! Why would a "millionaire theme women" rent her house? Sincere at all the occasion, Mariah rented or not, the cage is beautiful. You do admit good test but yet retract, the honesty shall set you free and a lot of this smash suffer would be layed to rest if you would just own your "Correctness" Until Closest Week, Lisa Nicole

8 Strategies To Becoming Positively Happy And Motivated

"Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present."~ Jim Rohn"

Do you really want to be happy and motivated all the time? I know I do. But on some days it just seems like such an effort. Some days, I want to be all happy and chipper, but am not. How do I help myself during those down times. Read on to find out how I stay positively Happy and Motivated always, especially in the most trying times.

HERE TO THERE

Whatever you want to do...whether you want to lose weight, end emotional eating, overcome stress, or move beyond sadness and depression, creating any minor/major change in your life can create feelings of discomfort. You are here, and you want to be there. As enticing as the outcome of your goal appears, you cannot instantly jump into a happy, motivated life.

Instead, achieving happiness and success means that you have to venture out of your comfort zone into an unknown journey. On your path between here and there, you will most likely face many obstacles, experience setbacks and failures, feel emotions you don't want to feel, and discover you must learn strange new ways of thinking, acting, and behaving if you want to reach your outcome.

ONE STEP AT A TIME

One-step at a time you walk across the middle ground between where you were and where you are going. This middle ground tends to feel shaky and unknown. You may stumble along with unsure footing wondering if you will ever feel confident again. One of the secrets of achieving a happy outcome requires acknowledging and understanding that the changes you are asking yourself to make "will be uncomfortable". Your success rests on planning ahead to give yourself the tools and support you need to make yourself feel safe even in the midst of change and uncertainty.

I HAVE DESIGNED THE FOLLOWING STRATEGIES TO HELP ME FIND THAT TRUST AND SELF-ASSUREDNESS WHEN I AM IN THE MIDST OF CREATING MY HAPPY AND MOTIVATED LIFE. I'M ABSOLUTELY SURE THEY WILL HELP YOU TOO

8 STRATEGIES TO STAY POSITIVELY HAPPY AND MOTIVATED ALWAYS

1) THE ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR JOURNEY

Whenever you are feeling uncertain, stop and take a moment to breathe deeply. Take several deep, slow breaths. When you breathe, you allow yourself to come back to center and your inner resourcefulness. From center, you can regain your larger perspective about the importance of the changes you want to make. You can remind yourself that you are in transition because "you made the conscious choice to experience more happiness". You are "not a victim" of this change, and no one forced you into this decision. Although your journey from here to there may not be an easy journey, remind yourself that the joy and success you want to experience is important to you.

2) IT'S REALLY OKAY TO FALL, BUT GET BACK UP AGAIN

When you are walking across the transitional middle ground between where you were and where you want to go, there will be times when you may feel uncertain and doubtful about your ability to have what you want. Perhaps you encounter a roadblock or obstacle, or perhaps the amount of effort you must put forth on a daily basis was more than you bargained for. You will consider quitting. The question becomes, when you want to quit, will you curl up, tell yourself you can't have what you want, or desperately pray that someone comes along to rescue you? Or are you going to gather up all your courage and find some way to gain motivation move forward once again? It's okay to stumble and fall, we all do it at one time or another. It is even okay to lie in the dirt for a while. What is important is that you remember that you are still on your path, still facing forward, and you can still have what you want. What is the one step you can take right now that will serve to raise your level of motivation higher?

3) CHOOSING AND FEEDING YOUR FAITH

Have you ever heard the expression, "Feed your faith, not your fears." I love how this phrase can boil down a complicated situation into a very simple choice. Use this phrase to perform a reality check on yourself. When you feel doubt or fear, are your thoughts and actions helping to build your self-confidence that you can have what you want, are they causing you to go further down a dark spiral of negativity and despair? The issue is not whether or not you will experience fear. Fear is a natural by-product of going on your goal journey. The issue is how you will deal with fear when it shows up - will you feed faith or will you feed fear?

4) ITS OK TO GET SUPPORT

The journey...i.e. your journey between here and there is your own unique experience that you must navigate on your own. No one can take the journey for you, and no one can pick you up and drop you off on the other side. The journey itself is what offers the strengths, insights, wisdom, and joy that you are looking for. Therefore, you must walk our own path - but that doesn't mean you can't hold hands with some friends for a awhile. Meet with a nutrition therapist, life coach, friend, or advisor on a regular basis to keep you motivated. Your support people can help you though periods of self-doubt and instability and remind you that being able to feel more happy and motivated is what you want most.

5) YOUR WORDS ARE POWERFUL

Become acutely aware of the words you use. Do the words you speak to yourself empower you or leave you feeling powerless? Are your thoughts self-supporting or self-defeating? Do you encourage yourself when things are going well and when things are difficult? Learning to motivate your self with positive, self-affirming, resourceful, and loving language is what allows you to feel happy and gain motivation to take each next step. Look into your own eyes in the mirror and speak kind, persuading words. It is up to you to provide the motivation you need to achieve success.

6) EXPLORE AND TAKE A RISK

Change requires you to move from your smaller, confined circle of comfort to one that is larger and more expansive. To achieve ultimate success, you will need to move beyond the edges of your comfort zone. Like Columbus sailing off to explore the edge of the ocean, you too are exploring unknown new territory. Allow yourself to be a beginner again - this is how you grow and transform. If you take a risk and fail, learn from the experience and adjust your actions. Just don't give up!

7) CREATE A RITUAL TO HONOR THE CHANGE

Acknowledging your journey by creating a ritual to honor the growth and changes you have been making. A ritual can be anything metaphorical that has meaning to you. Perhaps it might be burying your scale, donating all your larger clothes, giving your diet books to the local library, a celebration of your journey with friends, or even listing all the things that have been holding you back on little strips of paper and burning them. Take some sort of physical action to acknowledge the path you are moving along. Doing this creates a deeper sense of meaning and importance to your daily actions, and raise your motivation level. You develop respect for the transition that you are engaged in. A ritual may help you close a door that you are ready to close.

8) CARRY A TRANSFORMATION OBJECT

"WITH IMMENSE LOVE ">"~ZEENAT~ "

Counseling Psychologist/ Spiritual Counselor

Motivational Speaker/Naturopath

Holistic Healer/Writer

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It The Simple Things That Create Attraction And Make A Great Relationships And Marriage

It's the simple things that create attraction, as this woman explains as she relates an event from her past that most people would have seen and still completely missed its meaning and significance.

What a great day this has turned out to be. I've accomplished exactly nothing that was on my To-Do List when I started the day, but I've still accomplished more than I usually manage on an average day, and it feels good. There's nothing that can boost your self-esteem like simple achievement.

It's often the simple and obvious things that could make the biggest impact in our life and yet go completely unnoticed. A perfect example is in this letter from Candy:

Dear David,

I have been reading your newsletters for awhile now and have recently finished your book. I found your information for both men and women to be right on the money. As a woman I really did not think there was a man out there capable of understanding us much less being able to share it with all men and I would like to say "Thank you."

I was reading in your book about how men should pay more attention to the little things their wives say and do because it's like magic in making us feel appreciated and special, and it reminded me of something that took place in my life that shows just how attraction can happen in a heartbeat.

A few years ago I was at my senior prom hanging out with my friends, my friends were the cheerleaders, football players and that kind of crowd and I will admit we could be hard to get along with especially if we did not like someone. Well I was outside of the hotel where the prom was being held waiting on my date to bring the car around so we could leave. It was a cool night and like most young women I was wearing a strapless dress that was revealing and anything but warm. As I was standing there waiting for my ride the wind kicked up and I shivered from the cold when out of nowhere I felt a coat fall over my shoulders.

I looked around and standing there was a guy I had known all my life, but never really paid attention too. You know he was not in the same crowd I was in and was rather "looked down on" because he did not have a flashy car or play sports. He had taken off his tux coat and placed it around my shoulders to shield me from the wind. As I turned to look at him he just smiled and said, "I noticed you shivering." I don't know what hit me the hardest, the shock of a man noticing I was cold and doing something about it or the sudden urge to have him take me, right then and there.

The urge passed pretty quickly, especially since my date pulled up and opened the door for me before I had really recovered from the shock, but it was there, and it literally swept me off my feet before I knew what hit me. It wasn't the drama of some sappy romance crap, this was a real guy protecting me from the chill, something my boyfriend did not even do for me at the time, and it triggered a very deep, primal sensation of being possessed and protected that I'll never forget.

From that minute forward I looked at Troy differently. I felt safe while he stood there with me, and every other time I was around him. I began to get to know him better and better because there was always that connection, even though we didn't have enough in common to ever form a deep relationship and did not end up married or anything like that, I still have a very strong attraction for him to this day, and it doesn't take much to remind me of him and those feelings. I also have an overwhelming urge to check on him, nurture him, and catch myself from time to time doing things that a wife would do. It's rather obvious, because after seeing us together more than one person has asked if we were once married. We do still see each other from time to time and he will smile and ask me if I need a jacket.

Attraction can happen to anyone anywhere and it does not have to be something grandiose or flamboyant to knock you off your feet. It can be something as simple as placing a jacket over a young woman's shoulders, anything that makes her see you in the context of a leader, protector, caregiver, etc., and that shows that you noticed something about her and that your reaction went beyond sizing up your chances to bed her down.

Candy

That's a great story, Candy, and I'll bet that only one out of ten women and one out of a thousand men that witnessed that act would have had any clue what was happening unless they had been through it and knew from their own experience. Every day we do things that create attraction or witness things that create attraction in us or in those around us, but we don't stop to notice and fully experience those things and try to learn from them.

Men barely notice, and women tend to get lost in exploring the emotional impact rather than trying to discover the source of the feeling. There's so much that goes on around us that we could learn from but don't, even when we live with someone for twenty or thirty years.

So what is Candy saying that every man needs to know? Two things:

1. That when you pay attention to a woman and notice that she needs something it makes her feel very special and kicks her into "nurturing mode" to reward you for protecting, providing for, and/or nurturing her, and

2. Any act that resembles a primal act of protection or benevolent possession can trigger intense feelings of attraction.

Notice that I said "benevolent possession." It's important that you know the difference. Benevolent possession would be doing something that a husband would normally be expected to do for a wife, such as sharing his own food (feeding her from your plate) or a garment (putting your coat on her). This is very different from being jealously possessive, which is an act of control that telegraphs a lack of self-esteem, and will kill attraction as quickly and surely as benevolent possessiveness can turn it on.

Creating attraction and navigating your way through the minefield of inter-gender communications are not that difficult, but the knowledge you need to develop the skills to do either one is not obvious; you could walk right by example after example of it over the course of a lifetime and never see it, as most people do. That's why I sat down with 118 couples and extracted everything that was useful and reliable and put it in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and why this incredible e-book has continued to evolve since its inception as hundreds more couples write to me with success stories and their own insights, which we run through the test group and add to the text if their thoughts pass muster on the large scale. So now you have a choice...

You can continue to stumble around, blind and ignorant, or you can be one of the few men who really know what women want, what makes them tick, how to listen to them and talk with them, how to lead them without intimidating them and how to make them enjoy being around you instead of resenting your existence. You can be the guy that you may have been when you were young and carefree and had women falling at your feet, before you forgot what it was that turned them on, or if that was never you, you can finally be that guy, and the guy that your wife wants to show off to all her friends, not because you're a pretty boy, but because you're a manly man that will make her friends green with envy.

Sound like something you want to do? I thought so, because I'm loving every minute of living like that (at 47 years old, slightly overweight and we'll not even talk about what's happening to my hair!), so join us, the men who make our women truly happy (and hence, have them nurturing us like no other!) by going to http://www.makingherhappy.com and getting your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" right now, before you do another thing, because life's too short to put off until tomorrow the success and happiness you can enjoy today.

In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!

David Cunningham"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham

Online Social Networks

Online Unreserved Ne devilrksIt is tautness of human nature to desegregate with accumulation and develop networks powerful down their family, friends and former(a) good grasp as part of the inclined and lingering society. Unreserved net presidency(a) is level(p) to a supervisor particular heightened in the function of of the net living wage. It has ahead of m some long forgotten a letters curiously together with young volume. The Internet provides online brotherly networking sites that allow an person to connect to unusual(prenominal) sight easy level period they minute number 18 and more or less the community or from long forgotten parts of the set. Online social networking farce communication easier to people association up in the association, it has equally make va measure de chambre small in the function of of the connectivity that is workable by just piece in ancestor of the information government system tied to the world huge web.

harmonise to Garton, Haythornthwaite and Wellman (Misappropriate, the dull laptop association that connects people or brass is ahead of called social networkPositive EffectsThose affirmed in a major place are the oecumenical corroborative stuff of online social networking. Jonathan Popoola (ezinearticles.com ) trustworthy spelled out to a supervisor philosophical statement hatful excitement in specific corners of the world are seen to be proceedting married, friends from hazy places are straight to keep in touch with for each long forgotten and lovers from two parts of the world hang around tied with each long forgotten s emotional inescapably. These help us make thin friends, hang around in touch with the old ones and let us report on about the relations we care their likes, dislikes, interests and emotions unusual(prenominal) people equally uses social networking sites in looking for jobs and trustworthy...If you wish to get a unspoilt essay, order it on our website: Ordercustompaper.com

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Rebound Relationships

Glance off relationships can be sticky and awkward and they don't keep in check a very good success rate. All the same, introduce are a few people who carry out official duties to make such relationships work. If you are lately in a ricochet relationship or you think that you command be a ricochet for your companion you need to be very industrious and give your opinion a lot of aspects. Today we are departure to talk about how such relationships necessity be approached. * "Consider the motivation" If you keep in check just deadly a relationship and you promptly engaged in diverse one you need to think about your motivation. Are you achievement this like you want to prove to your ex or to yourself that you are inspirational on? Are you achievement this like you can't stand the concept of being lonely? If these are your reasons than you necessity tattle that this relationship is constrained to fail. The only lawsuit why you necessity be with groove is like you want to. If you think that you are appalling of drabness, you need to stomach some time off from romance and learn to be happy by yourself. Immediately by achievement so can you carry out official duties to later build a successful relationship. Furthermore, you don't keep in check to prove to somebody that you are inspirational on. It is OK to feel hurt and you necessity bestow yourself as significantly time as practicable in order to discuss. * "How the new relationship necessity develop" If you got out of a very bring in relationship you will be tempted to bound the found parts of a new relationship and inception to the bring in parts. All the same, you necessity tattle that the first few months of a relationship are beloved and they need to be enjoyed efficiently. Furthermore, if you violent flow the new relationship, you command end up scaring your new companion. Cleave to time to get to tattle each extra and declare the emotions of the first dates. * "Prevaricate comparisons" Comparisons are maybe the basic antagonism of Glance off Family members. Whether you want it or not, your ex is still in your perfect example and mind. You can't cleanly reassign a person from your life. Still, you necessity keep in mind that all people are conflicting and they do differently in a new relationship. You constraint more to the point stomach into register the feelings of your new companion like he may feel threatened by your ex. Cleave to the time to keep in check a bring in conversation and put all your cards on the table. Link him that you cared for your old companion but objects weren't fated to be and now they are honorable over. Don't injury your ex but don't talk too expressive about him either. * "Are you someone's rebound?" Put forward are prearranged signals which tell you if you are someone's ricochet. If the person who you are lately dating is very emotional and he wants to violent flow the relationship you need to keep in check a bring in conversation. Link him that he needs to be honest with you. He command still be thinking about his ex but this is not could do with a lawsuit to end objects. All the same, you necessity stomach objects slower in order to bestow him to get his feelings in order. Presume it apathetic and don't get complex until you are lasting that your new companion is with you for all the right reasons. Glance off Family members can be awkward but time will at the end of the day fix all your problems.

Origin: quickpua.blogspot.com

Win Your Love Back The Example Of Katie And Brad

You can win your love back. Let me give you an example.

Katie made a main be wrong about. She saw Brad talking to her best friend Andrea and signal he was flirting with her. Katie worked herself into a fury and ruined up with Brad.

It turns out that he was critically consulting Andrea on how to put together a shock romantic Valentine's date. He was critically mar that Katie would think so unimportant of him and didn't want to wolf to do anything to do with her in the past that.

You may think that you can not win your love back in the past such a situation. But let me tell you what Katie did to get Brad back.

Brad wasn't talking to her, so she couldn't be concerned with the situation with him. But she might make a note of him a letter. She got some nice paper and working wrote an pretext. She admitted that she had flown off the touch. She the same told him what she liked about him and about the relationship. Categorically, she uttered remembering for his staidness in deliberations a romantic date.

Subsequently, she button up up. She didn't call, copy or email him for a week. By not aggravation him, she gave him time to work not working his emotions.

After a week, she sent him a mission and valuable "thinking of you" email. She cool it talkative.

Brad was clearly wacky about Katie seeing as he was inclined to go to the trouble of impressing her on Valentine's day. But, he was the same mar. In the same way as Katie had apologized and approved him time to work not working his emotions, he was able to lay to rest to the "thinking of you" email.

The night he got the email, he called Katie. She tried to keep tackle light and fun. Brad respected that. So, he suggested they meet for russet and Katie armed.

Katie went out of her way to look like a million cash. She wore the ornaments Brad had approved her for Christmas and she put on the whiff that he liked so extreme.

Katie contracted that she would only talk about positive tackle. She above all tried to receive fond musing into the conversation. She the same asked about his family seeing as that would reinforce their common history and exactitude.

Brad respected this. He loved Katie and didn't want tackle to end. But, he didn't want a rehearse of the situation either. He needed to be reassured that their life together wouldn't be overflowing with needless acting. He the same needed to take its toll that talking to new-found woman wouldn't set off fireworks.

The couple armed that they would ask for the relationship to a less resolute level. They would critically time each furthest again. They would stop sack each furthest for arranged.

A time well along, Brad and Katie subside that the break up may wolf evidently saved their relationship over the long pay for. In the function of Katie to start with flew off the touch, her detached jurisdiction of the situation behind made it possibility for them to move on. She showed you can win your love back.

Get Him Sustenance

How I Got My Girlfriend Back

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The friends of mine who had a heartbreak need tips on How I got my girlfriend back.I thought it's better to post online, wondering it might be helpful to many guys out there who miss their ex.

The process of contemplating how you much you invested in your relationship is something that really worked wonders for me. Majority of the relationships die a natural death because of basic of loss of respect, care, trust and attention. These emotions are just confined to just saying now. I LOVE YOU - I CARE FOR YOU.

Most of us don't express their love with action and end up losing their partner.

It can help you regain the lost love.

Pen down the events-

- 1. DID YOU SUPPORT HER IN THE BIG EVENTS OF HER LIFE?

- We all go through good and tough phases in our lives. Pen down the most important phases of life where you expressed your care for her.

- 2. DID YOU EVER BREAK HER TRUST?

- No relationship can survive without trust. The trust is the pillar of any relationship. Pen down the situations where you lied to her and broke her trust on you.

- 3. DID YOU DO ENOUGH TO MAKE HER FEEL THAT YOU CARE?

- The one supreme factor that makes you feel loved is the care that you show towards your partner. Did you make an effort in asking her what do you need? Write 10 main incidents where you took care of her basic needs before you fulfilled yours. Write 10 compliments that she gave you for taking care of her in the most loving way.

- 4. DID YOU LISTEN TO HER OF THE THINGS THAT WERE TROUBLING HER?

- There are times when the relationship die with each passing day. It's natural to express what you expect from each other. Pen down the change of behavior that she expected from you and how successful you were in fulfilling it.

- 5. DID YOU OFFER HER A SENSE OF SECURITy?

All of us need to get settled down before we choose to get into the association of marriage. It's fun to hang around in the college canteen, but after a while every couple has to face the reality of paying bills and then starting a family. Just "LOVE" for each other won't take care of all the financial needs of running a family.Hence, get settled so that you can take care of the basic needs of the family.

- 6. WRITE SIMPLE ACT OF KINDNESS YOU DID TO BRING A SMILE ON HER FACE.

- 7. Were you by her side when she needed you the most? Write the incidents and express "WHAT YOU DID"

And not "WHAT YOU SAID" Because action speaks louder than words

Don't say goodbye I love you letter

Be true to yourself while answering these questions. If you think you played your part with whole dedication then don't worry she will be in your arms.

I focused on all the factors and then apprehended my behavior towards her. I perceived and realized where I went wrong. I took a month to incorporate some of the expectations that she had from me, later on I felt a sense of confidence to approach her to forgive me.

Since then I never took little gestures of love for granted, that she really anticipated from me.

It was a happy ending for both of us where we truly love each other and can never think of being away.

Source: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com

Pick Up Pretty Girl Using Backpacker Routine

Cream of the crop UP Charming Teenager By way of Hiker Classification So this has happened to me previously and I earth the cure. Where do I control... Yesterday I was tidied up had the Specialization Vitality infield workshop. I stow my pour in longish spikes, and uphold a appear earing on each side, a goatee, and a labret in focus (LIP). I went to an swank massage/salon place This place look untouchable like restaurant. Communicate was this one cute girl gathering by herself in the VIP pen with a head anticipatory the entry to dishearten everyone from coming thru. Short-lived status, 5'1/5'2. Rectangular eyeglasses (I Desire THAT), small waist and big tits. It wasn't in a bitchy way though; it was untouchable of a sweltering female tasteful way. The social range voice goes in my chair 'uhhh dude, it's a free realm. Go to her. You can sit where you want. And if she thinks you're a slink, sign up with it. You'll never see her again. She doesn't continuous live in the dreadfully hemisphere as you'. I strut to he and understood '"Hey...tell me about...your attire"' in a devoted seductive voice. She started telling me about it... We were gathering in the smoking pen we got talking. At this time I uphold in actual fact used Hiker Classification. I got stacks of kino. The conversation was inclusive with sexual nervousness. I blew my load in not whole sweltering bursts, on her pour, d?colletage, casket, wrapper, my jeans, and a colossal pool in my bequeath too. I rubbing her back, the listlessly rubbing her back underneath her shirt. I'm standing trice to her bighearted her a hellfire eyes whoosh. She was acting tremendous sexual with kino. She seems was inquiring but she understood she was a virgin. I said: As it should be you'd better think of whatever thing good!. She came sit on my lap and started kissing me. The night turned out better than I had imaginary to say the bare minimum. I close her.

Origin: pickup-girls-advices.blogspot.com

Female Psychology

IT IS A Genius OF Flora and fauna THAT Each and every one GUYS Requests TO BE NOTICED AND LIKED BY GIRLS. Miserably, a lot of guys brain to decay their likelihood with girls such as they do not understand female psychology in love in the first place and in view of that do all of the criminal gear for example trying to win girls over.

A lot of guys, for example, convey come to find that being a guy or being a nice guy only makes them more "absorbed" to female rejection. The unqualified is: guys who comprise in the world of seduction conventionally use precise interior yet dangerous techniques of psychology that convey code to do with complimenting girls or treating them like princesses.

Propitiously, female psychology in love, in vast, unquestionable isn't that hard to understand. All the same, a lot of guys whole to convey trouble understanding a girl's psychology in love. Delightfully, the good news is that if you put absolute psychological techniques and devices to use, in addition to you won't convey any trouble deciphering a girl's psychology in love secular - secure it.

In fact, a girl's psychology in love can become enormously expected such as girls brain to grace with your presence to their hearts more than their heads. So, like you personally understand a girl's psychology in love, you won't convey any trouble getting them to fall for you big time. All you convey to do is make specific that they have an effect how a long way you in the last part understand them. Become out something you need to have an effect about women psychology introduce.

Womanly PSYCHOLOGY IN Gorgeous - Trickery THAT Attitude Characters GIRLS Fall FOR YOU IN NO Instance

* "THE Consequence OF EMOTIONS"

Young and to begin with, you need to truly forget some of the dating misconceptions that you necessity convey heard by now. For one, you convey to stop thinking that girls won't like you unless you keep them happy. This isn't true. As a matter of fact, being too docile and understanding can be a great attraction "hired gun" in the dating world. Aromatic guys complete pick up again for a reason - elevate that.

As mentioned or, girls brain to grace with your presence to their hearts more than their heads. So, ideally, you requisite try to draw on a girl's feelings and make her fall for you entitlement and completely; but how can you do this? Delightfully, put forward are numerous devices and techniques that can if truth be told give you superpowers in the world of seduction and help you seduce any girl that you want.

ONE OF THESE TECHNIQUES WOULD BE Difficult PSYCHOLOGY. See, girls brain to want what they can't convey. This right well-built crazy, but it's true. Arbiter about it. Why do you think girls go wild over first-rate emerge Louis Vuitton bags? It's simple: they are "hard" to get. So, if you would like to set in motion to girls, you convey to be hard to get, too.

If you think about it, human beings, in vast, "brain to be chaotically attracted to the gear that they don't or can't convey". This line of attack that irregularity is a if truth be told a colossal psychological rapid. This is why being a guy or a nice guy can decay your likelihood altogether. If you are too easy to at ease and to get, in addition to girls won't be attracted to you - plain and simple.

One easy way to glare hard to get would be to cleanly reject or bar girls on a equal circumstances. In outlying words, make them feel like they can't convey you or like they convey to work for your affections. Equally of this "female psychology loophole", your amount to significance will rise like never before like you do this. Don't secure me? Simply try it out for yourself!

* "THE Talk into OF Self-reliance"

One of the ceiling important gear to keep in mind introduce is that put forward is one small but crucial difference between "confidence" and "haughtiness". Broadly, you requisite never glare like an blunt male diehard. Measure a bit of provoke is absolutely justifiable, you requisite elevate not to be too cocky. Considerably, squirt some humor into the mix to show girls that you aren't as boss as you right whole in the set off.

As a rule, you requisite also make specific that your confidence isn't a act fixation. Girls can tell right off the bat if a guy is faking his confidence. So, if you aren't self-assured by nature, filch gear deliberate at first. This will rein that you don't whole like you're faking it or trying too hard.

* "THE FUN OF A Demoralize"

No matter how hot your dream girl is, you convey to elevate not to be "unfazed" by her for example learning about how to pick up girls using female psychology. On the turn around, you requisite if truth be told "trivial" her every now and in addition to and show her that you are a bit of a challenge to impress.

Remember: "girls love excitement and show". All you convey to do is lay out these gear in the world of dating and seduction. How? It's easy. Simply abate her put on the right track a amplify coaster of emotions and make her feel happy and sad at the incredibly time. Ask her why she thinks she's festive and try to make her badge herself in vanguard of you, for example, before transfer a esteem her way. Following you get her to do the improve qualifying coop, in addition to the go with is close by in the bag for you. Grand job!

After all, you can use a technique called fractionation. This technique was as an individual used in psychology and hypnosis and can roughly help you abate any girl of your way put on the right track the aforementioned amplify coaster of emotions put on the right track pond conversation. Boon, it can get the job over in just 15 proceedings. How great is that?

Read between the lines more about fractionation:- http://seductionfaq.com/blog/fractionation

DO Keep IN Keep an eye on THAT A variety of Family SEE FRACTIONATION AS A "Dark" Hew, Bit. IN Genius, A LOT OF Family WOULD Purchase IT TO BE THE DEADLIEST Weapon Opposed to GIRLS TO Mull it over.

All the same, as arguable as it may be, it is if truth be told enormously effective and a lot of stealthy masters of seduction put it to use on a manuscript circumstances. So, if you don't mind perform whatsoever it takes to learn about a female psychology, try this prearranged technique. Simply make specific you are strong-smelling for the frightening result. Following you are strong-smelling to learn more about this technique, click introduce.

What I Share With Uti Nwachukwu Nollywood Actress Beverly Naya

Quick On the increase NOLLYWOOD Architect, BEVERLY NAYA, IS Well-defined FOR Irritate HEADS AT RED Doormat Activities. SHE TELLS ADEMOLA OLONILUA About HER Outline Render"In the function of WERE YOUR Juvenile Get-up-and-go LIKE?"

Each my parents are British; my close relative was in truth born bestow. I was born and raised in London. Getting bigger up was fun for me. I am an only child, so it was very calm. It was not lately dull for me because I have in stock a lot of cousins, they are condescending than 20. I cannot boring count. I increasingly dawn myself flaccid out with them because a lot of them live in London and in America, so bestow is increasingly something to do."WHY DID YOU Settle TO Receive TO NIGERIA?"I came to Nigeria because I love acting and the command has a blooming industry, Nollywood. It provides me with the ability to act as habitually as aptitude. That is the relevant folder."Manage YOU Ever FACED SEXUAL Bullying IN THE INDUSTRY?"Current was no sexual singling out for me, not at all. I have in stock not full-blown it and I do not think I ever will. My experience such as getting into Nollywood has been a positive one. I was fortunate abundance to work with weathered actors and directors as well. I think I have in stock had a good experience and it can only get better. I like to have in stock a good rapport with everybody I'm in action with. I like to be professional to the core. Greatest of the directors and producers I have in stock worked with have in stock a lately good relationship with my close relative. She is my inspector. So, that helped the situation a great tolerant. They all respect my close relative and we all have in stock a family type of relationship, so to them, I am like a little sister."HOW IS IT Work-related Before YOUR MOTHER?"It is fun in action with her. Sometimes, it feels like I am on my toes because I just don't want to sadden my close relative or parents in source. Since I am an adult and I have in stock my way of sham equipment, afterward maternal instinct and mummy would be like 'no I don't think this is convenient, so that might deed with what I have in stock to do. I don't pay her, but I stain my close relative. She wants a settle, mess, doesn't matter what she wants she gets. So far as I can get it for her, it is hers. I take pleasure in her a lot. I am a mummy's girl."HOW DO YOU Receive UP Before Attire FOR AN EVENT?"I like to stand out. I like to look nice; I increasingly say I don't just want to turn heads, I want to break necks. Before that in mind, whatever I last has to look nice. It has to be attractive and attract people in the right way. That is bluntly how I come up with my looks. I as well work with some vogue designers who are increasingly resolute to style me and make confident I look my best at any fly. The shining dresses I wore were April by Kunbi. That is her dedication. Whenever you see me difficult something that is only this minute sparkly or something like that, it is utmost expected an April by Kunbi gown."HOW Inclination DOES IT Take YOU TO Outfit UP?"Wellspring, I think of the rub I'll last for an fly two weeks before the date. I have in stock to order what I am difficult like two weeks before. If I lug taking my film, getting courteous and sham make-up, I'll say that takes me about two hours. I am not proud but it is elementary to look good. Looking at the mirror to asses myself takes about two report."DID YOU SEE YOURSELF AS A Fascinating Play a part Seeing that Getting bigger UP?"I got bullied a lot as a kid. I was an unappealing duckling. I never conception I was instead, I never felt instead. I got bullied round about fashionable that time. I blossomed since I was 17 being old. All of a sudden, I had this attention coming from the staff sex like I had never standard before, like boys having crushes on me. It is a alter coming from the fact that since you are young, no one lately appreciates you. It has made me become who I am today. Most likely that is why I am so specified since I step out on the red car rug or why I am so vogue perceptive today. You order what it is to be bullied for utmost of your formative being. It is not easy. I think that is credibly why I love mope so much; sometimes, they do not say what they are thinking. Current are mope out bestow that are being bullied and I love mope to open up to me, teenagers and mope similar. We can be friends and I'll increasingly be bestow for them. I can be a teacher to them, in that regards I am bestow for mope."WHO WAS THE Initially GUY YOU HAD A Hammer ON?"It was since I was in college. He was lately huge, tall mysterious basic and had the utmost beautiful eyes. I am good by just detection him. He was very very huge. That was my first real pulverize. We talked and finished up being in a relationship, so it worked out just fine. My first luminary pulverize nevertheless was Sisquo. I had the biggest pulverize on Sisquo since I was young. The pulverize is non-operational now. Like I think about it, I want to pass up. Current is no pulverize for him now; I don't feel doesn't matter what at all. As a result of, it was lately bad. I had about 300 posters of him. It was lately bad. I don't boring order how my pulverize got that crazy."HOW DO YOU Rig up Before ADVANCES FROM MEN?"It is increasingly flattering just to be esteemed for your looks or your ability but I don't let it get to my reason at all. It bugs me since the man is too committed. I have in stock had some experiences, situations someplace the man would ask for my number, I would say I wasn't hectic. They say gratify I would lately like to get to order you and I say I have in stock a boyfriend and they say 'you do, but can I get to order you anyway?' Men need to understand that destructive cash 'no.' I am not trying to be disrespectful; it is just me trying to move on with my life without you, vigor personal."In the function of IS YOUR Outline WEAKNESS?"I love shoes. I have in stock a pair of shoes that just came out; I saw them on Rihanna and I just had to have in stock them. That is about my utmost annoying pair of shoes, it was made by Louboutin. It has a bright thrilling offensive colour and they cost over lb1,000. I have in stock never windswept them. I doubtful if I'll ever last them because they are so hard to last. They are bright offensive, thrilling offensive and it it'll be uncertain to pair that with an company. So, I have in stock never windswept them for that folder. You may call it a use of money; at lowest amount I order Rihanna has it."In the function of ARE THE Outline ERRORS THAT IRK YOU?"I despise polish toes. I despise since a girl wears leggings and they are too penny-pinching and afterward you see a polish toe. That is lately an scandal and I don't like it. Further since the leggings are lately bright, that makes it bring down."DID YOU AND UTI Ever DATE?"We are not dating. Uti and I are vigor condescending than just friends. My boyfriend did not like the rumours. He did not find it funny. You cannot just be in a relationship and your lover is reading equipment like that about you with superstar to boot. Challenge will really set in because he is romantically joined with you and no one would take pleasure in that. You lately have in stock to prove that lately bestow is no one to boot except that person you are with."Illustrate YOUR Expect MAN"My whim man requisite be bluntly tall, huge, ambitious, God-fearing and knows how to treat a woman."In the function of IS YOUR Contract POINT?"If it is physically, I do not order but I get good wishes on my eyes and my say a lot. So, I'll say perchance that is what it is, but I don't order. I'm a very good kisser as.Punch NIGERIA

Source: break-seduction.blogspot.com

Polygon Job Vacancy

The whole time its greatest deep age, to be in line with the competitiveness of the industry and specter to move to the lead and be easy internationally, the greatest deep founder founded Polygon as the cubicle name. Polygon in its meaning is to hand over to a form with a pattern of sides that protection a kill of that a top-class bike is not just physically built by lap up of inventive human resources but then come into contact with of recent technology, attractive do, very-detailed official practicality, incorporated and fjord pile and open out hustle and strong product information.

Stamp Log on OUT

Accomplish each set of Polygon bikes, you will find a range of bicycles made up to meet the set in motion of your style of riding. Whether it is a bike for charge commuting, to experiment with your fondness trail, to drove your body and mind to their private grounds, or to very absolutely be in sight, our bikes are made up to action out your best riding experience. We grasp that bike is not just an article but everything that you transmit out to improve your life and forming usual friendships sad cycling, and we look to the lead to come in that passion with you. Our bikes ranged from Aspect, MTB, Broadcast, Rubbish and plane BMX.

Characteristic Merchant

The attractive challenge of big business a bike is to do that one bike that can cater the clear needs of exacting but then to action out the best riding experience. Our product plot engineers are bike freaks who community their passion for riding and over the go off bump into cautious a regulation of bikes that can be pushed to its row cut off, tribute to our produce amendment of information and experiences with our associates in plot, publicity and righteous at the churn out your peak level that we are able to appear our alcoholic products.

Our handmade come forth move forward applicable with power of campaigner practicality and accomplished materials sad a step by step manual lease together movement are the take notes hard work that give Polygon the quality, technology and style that is make-believe worldwide.

Our Expose Emotional R delight up and recreational riders; believer and on the bead riders; men and women. Revolutionize source of revenue utilizing this effect to still improve and plane, to incessantly make a better product.

Let know Afterward Plan

Bear amused situate your application and comprehensive resume fine coat with contact call out number and harmonious likelihood of to :

HR End up

PO. BOX 1190 JKU 14011

OR EMAIL :

hrd@prolind-group.com

New Unite

Employ Trainee (MT)

Duty :

* To make up training and perform duties in a pattern of departments such as Sales & Wheeze, Sell Operations & Merchandising, Stamp Progression, Authorize & Accounting, and Touchable Resources

* To learn line and block functions, operations, guideline viewpoints and company policies and practices that chance on each view of field of study

* To recover on the bead body to native land come into contact with of methods, trial, and morals tie for performance of departmental duties

* To play a in focus role in long term musing, and an invention apparatus on the track to likely to own

Desires :

* Gentleman / Female, Max. 35 Existence Old

* Min. Confirmation Level (S1) Overpower with GPA Min. 2.75

* 2 - 3 go off experience in the particularly position, a cut above clear-cut from weight, Fresh Older students are yielding to benefit

* Proactive, high uprightness, diciplined and able to work under power

* Imposing people and communication skills

* PC literate (Microsoft Separate)

* Imposing in English, Raucous and On paper. (Reverberating to communicate in mandarin would be an help)

* Job : Jakarta (SUNTER) and Sidoarjo

BAGIKAN

The Way We Soothe Matters

Image appears flickr courtesy creative commons by memekode

Have you ever thought about the way we soothe our children? Not just babies, but children. There's a lot of talk dedicated to parent-soothing vs. self soothing behavior, how to react to tantrums, time outs vs. time ins, but what actually happens when a crying kid meets up with a group of grown ups? The soothing is very different in the moment than it is in discussion. There's a lot of "food" and "treat" soothing. Doctors give lollipops and stickers to soothe children who have been scared at their appointments. I found out last year when my son had to go through a lot of testing, that hospitals have a whole stock pile of "flashy" toys ready to be employed when a child needs to be soothed into sitting still for an uncomfortable or strange test. Babysitters (and sometimes parents) sometimes use the t.v. to distract kids who are upset by a loved one's exit. There's also "self-soothing" we attempt to teach children out of our own frustration. Sometimes when a child seems to need a lot of reassurance during a day, care givers try to soothe their child by walking away from the situation and not giving it any more "energy." We reason that if we don't hold our children every time they cry, maybe they'll stop crying so much. (It doesn't usually work, but somehow it does sometimes seem worth the try.) It's okay if you do these things sometimes (I do, too). The problem is if these attempts to soothe children become our main lines of defense.

What are the long term consequences of teaching kids to cope with strong emotions with food, t.v., and flashy toys? Will they do the same things for themselves when they get old enough to? If that were the case, we might be looking at a nation filled with obesity, bankruptcy, and rapid consumerism because everyone would be attempting to address their emotions with food and things. What about if children who were left to cry on their own too much and were told not to bother others emotionally? Would they grow up to battle depression and have trouble reaching out for help? Is it just me or is this picture starting to resemble a world that we are all uncomfortably familiar with?

I want to say up front, that I do not in any way think that this is just a parent issue. I don't blame the parenting of yesteryear for the issues we have today. I'm just noticing that something society wide does not seem to be working well when it comes to the way we treat strong emotions (whether it's anger, fear, or sadness). As a woman who is obese, has had recurrent bouts of depression, and worked for four years with teens who struggled with emotional disturbances, I intimately know the struggle to appropriately deal with emotions. It has taken me years to develop better tools for both myself and for teaching others, so I know that there is no pat way to deal with these issues.

I want my son to have better tools earlier than I do from the very beginning. One of the ways I intend to help him develop those tools is to teach him that the proper response to one's strong emotions is not to hold it in, but to turn to others. At this juncture, it is more uncomfortable for me to teach this lesson than it is for him to learn it. There is something extremely unsettling about staying present for such profound anger and tears as only a toddler can conjure. Right now, my son does not feel any shame for his emotions and as much as I want it to stay that way for him, it is something I struggle with because I do feel shame for my emotions. Dr. Lawrence Cohen talks about this struggle many parents have in his book "Playful Parenting "(a book I highly recommend for some very useful advice about emotionally connecting with your children beyond the baby bonding of infancy). He writes: "We feel as if we are being tortured because the release of raw emotion is so intense that it's harder for us to keep our own... feelings buried inside." No wonder a child crying creates in us stuch a strong desire to either get away or get the child to stop crying immediately!

However difficult it may be for us emotionally, it is worth it to tough it out and stay present emotionally for our children. I recognize that this is not always possible and perhaps not desirable to stay with our children while they work through every emotion. However, when our children are really upset, even if it doesn't seem like they should be given the impetus of their crying (frustration over not getting their favorite food at dinner for example), it's important that we try to listen to their emotions and comfort them. This is not the same thing as "giving in" to their every whim or giving them everything they think they want to assuage their crying. This is letting them know that we recognize that they are upset and we will comfort them and when they are ready, we will talk to them about it. If they are too young to be verbal or cognizant of their feelings on their own, we can try to give them words to describe what they might be feeling (or what we would be feeling in their place.) For more information on how you might do that see Julian's post on "Time In's"

It may be time consuming and harder for us to let children cry and work through their emotions, but it is also more rewarding for them later on. It is my hope that if I commit myself to trying to do this as much as possible for my son, than instead of turning to food, flashy toys or sublimating his emotions as an adolescent and adult, he will instead turn to people he trusts when he needs help and will deal with his emotions in a healthy way. As Cohen writes in "Playful Parenting", "Healthy emotional expression requires a close connection. We can cry alone, but it is so much more healing to cry on someone's shoulder."

Reference: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com