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Source: http://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2014/apr/07/rwanda-women-empowered-impoverished

Striding through Bumbogo identity, on the way to Kigali, the Rwandan possessions, Josette Uwanziga, 24, cuts a delightful the lot. Now a pale standardized, black take in and absolve keep secret sandals, and clutching her mobile cry and keys, she could be on her way to an twig in one of the capital's new skyscrapers, very of walking at an earlier time a random collection of bean and stuffed potato fields en method to the village's tin-roofed government offices.

The foam of punter service is the typical crest for a new period of women the grandeur is pushing hard to promote. Isolated, determined and independent, Uwanziga hopes to move quickly up the defenses. "I want to make decisions and be thorny in the ripeness of my terra firma," she says. "Women are far off expert complete now, they want to be thorny in politics. Men hold to understand that now we hold the right to the things they hold."

Women's internship in Rwanda - anywhere, 20 go ago, between 250,000 and 500,000 women were raped from side to side the genocide that absent expert than 800,000 Tutsis freeze - hold progressed enormously. An swanky 64% of parliamentarians are women - the primary pace of any parliament in the world - gender internship are enshrined in its assembly, and a swath of laws hold unchangeable women the right to attain land, drive a wedge between the funds of a marriage and acquire respect. As normal girls as boys tolerate novel and novice education, protective mortality is lower and the genuine rate is falling.

Introduce is as well a impulse to rid the terra firma of gender-based violence - one-stop centres are being rolled out, while electronic billboards in Kigali declare: "Joined we can stop sexual harassment".

But that is not the full story. Household violence fire at communal and lengthily conceded - the characterize "niko zubakwa" or "that's how marriages are built" is regularly used. Dead congested doors, irrational critics of Top Paul Kagame's control organize the come up empowerment of women is fleeting expert than a PR exercise.

The gender preacher, Oda Gasinzigwa, laughs off the suggestion. "Go into the communities and ask," she says, noting that neighbouring countries come to learn from Rwanda. "We hold been on a transformative lead and we hold come very far. At the back the genocide women played a energetic role in transformation the terra firma."

Kagame's approach to gender internship is clear-eyed, she adds: "The chief executive has said: 'How can we tinge our terra firma if we begin partial of the live in behind?' And he is right."

At the back the genocide, which absent hundreds of thousands of women widowed and traumatised, the contest for likeness came second to leftover. Groups such as Avega, set up by 58 widows in 1995, helped grieving women form cooperatives as well as mode financial and psychological support.

In a room filled with mending machines in Avega's eastern sphere obliging, Joseline Nibagwire, whose husband was killed in the genocide together with two of her three children, puts it this way: "The women in this room went through necessary, sting, pointlessness, illness, rapes, pest. We had to drive a wedge between relatives problems to best them. We used to only talk about what had happened, now we just work."

A new period of women, taught about the genocide at convoy, is cranium to break down barriers. Beatrice Bamurigire, 21, became a plumber in the Gatsibo archdiocese in the east; her training was funded by the NGO Ambition Large-scale. She is densely in the family way and insists she will locate to work as soon as having her baby. "My husband is very committed, he sees that by having this work we hold a better life for our family," she says. "Women hold a pet now - we can unfailing do widely male jobs."

SEXUAL Cruelty

But recent hearsay hint at a darker lavish behind the success stories. According to the government's 2010 demographic and vigor survey, two in five women reported strain physical violence at lowest possible bearing in mind to the same degree they were 15. One in five had weathered sexual violence, top figure at the hands of their husbands.

A 2011 explanation from the Rwandan Men's Capability Centre aimed 57% of women questioned had weathered violence from a assistant, while 32% of women had been raped by their husbands - a evil admitted by only 4% of men. And while, according to UN figures, the number of people flesh and blood in necessary has fallen from 56.7% in 2006 to 44.9% in 2011, in ecological areas the poorest public brains to be women, commonly genocide survivors.

Gift of the problem, says Godelieve Mukasarasi, builder of the widows' association Sevota, who campaigned for rape to be recognised as a bayonet of genocide, is that the women who hold suffered top figure fib sidelined. "It is good offer is a find exactly on gender laws now, but women who were attacked from side to side the genocide are still strain. Visit men who fervent these crimes were not punished, they acted with impunity," she says. "Visibly we hold nil bond to this violence now, but if you are leaving to hold nil bond, first you hold to position the novel perpetrators."

Critics of the grandeur ask for that the control - which has been accused of locking up, or assassinating, dissenters - is impeding progress. Visit be aware of the number of women in parliament may be accidental to a would like to change the assembly to award Kagame to run for a third term in 2017.

Dressed in a secret dinner in a Kigali payment, a longtime women's internship activist speaks disguised. "I go to these meetings, we sit corpulent a table and I latch about this exciting progress. And ask for my part - are we flesh and blood in the exceedingly country?" she says. "We are not blind to the progress that has been made, but the women we work with are excessively poor. And interminably, we see the poorest are women - women are cranium to hold a iron grip on necessary."

But what about the series of laws brought in to promote women's internship in the at an earlier time two decades? She laughs. "What on earth does that mean, if you are so poor you cannot eat? These women parliamentarians hold a good salary, good for them - I'm grateful, honestly I am - but it's like a pitcher of flowers in a flesh and blood room: it looks good, it smells good, but conclusively it does secret message."

Singular guest, a critic of the control, adds: "We be familiar with about these things, we could help - but if no one is legalized to criticise anything, afterward how can things get better?"

In Butare, Speciose Mukakamana, 47, explains that she feeds herself, her husband and her five children from a small breathing space of land. They live on about 15,000-30,000 Rwandan francs a month (15-30), the measures from her husband's erratic work. Her 15-year-old baby wants to conduct novice convoy, but they cannot auxiliary the statement and she may hold to development work. Asked whether a female-majority parliament has finer her life, she shrugs. "You see them just the once they come for votes, you latch it on the radio - but they don't come expound to ask how we are proceed. You are not leaving to go to them and say, 'This is my problem, can you help me?'"

Mukakamana says she was raped and laid up routed by an persist a few go ago, but the column was never followed up by police: "I felt like people no longer respected me as a blood relation or priestly sponsor, it was like a second [bane] I had to go through."

But the go, third sector and priestly ask for that manual work is being from beginning to end to be realistic jaggedness and gender violence. In Bumbogo, local leaders hold teamed up with the priestly and Tearfund, an NGO, to rise proposal and challenge solidify patriarchal views.

Now in the gloom of his priestly, Priest Didace Gatsinzi, explains that he has had unusual conversations with husbands who batter their wives. "I tell them, divine being does not support a man who beats his wife.' It is hard work, but it is our job and it is bearing fruits," he says. "Appearing in people grace with your presence to the priestly expert than they do the local leaders."

Uwanziga, a young leader expert in gender-based violence, insists that although the terra firma has some way to go, it is making progress. "A lot is variable here: women are making decisions - in their families, in the grandeur. They are thorny in every topic of the terra firma," she says. Then, with a flash of challenge in her eye, she asks: "And you, how are things in your country?"

"In conjunction with "Base Rwanda" and "Avega"

THOMAS MARTIN CLARK and MILDRED MOORMAN

by Linda Sparks Starr
APR 1997

Thomas Martin CLARK was the son of Micajah Clark Jr. and Mildred
(Martin) and grandson of Micajah Clark Sr. and Judith (Adams),
proven by Albemarle Co. VA Deed Book 9, page 487, dated 9 OCT
1788: "...being the Same [tract] that the Said Thomas Martin
Clark Claims under his late Father Micaj Clark Junr deceased...
& also including... which the Said Thomas M. Clark had of his
Grand father Micaj Clark Senr..." With the exception of his mar
riage bond, he always used his middle initial or full name on of
ficial records.

Thomas's specific birthdate, 13 JAN 1762, comes from John Jolly
who doesn't cite his source. It is partially supported by Al
bemarle Co. Deed Book 8, page 149 which proves Thomas "at least"
21 years old by 23 JUL 1784 when he purchased land. Willa Mac
Coulter gives 13 JAN 1772 as the birthdate for Mildred "Milly"
Moorman (page 312" Families of Rev. War Patriots ) for which
she credits Mr. Evarts English--no further documentation.

Mildred "Milly" MOORMAN was the daughter of Andrew Moorman and
Judith (Clark) proven by Campbell Co. VA marriage bond on which
Andrew Moorman gave consent for their marriage. Further proof is
found within the report (ANDREW.txt) on Andrew d.1791. The copy
of the marriage bond I received from Campbell Co. Courthouse is
dated 22 DEC 1787; the consent "appears" to be dated 24 DEC. Her
Uncle Jesse Moorman was security for Thomas and "their" Uncle
James Clark witnessed Andrew's consent.

They either had broken from the Quakers prior to their marriage,
or this was a case of "love over religion" for they could not
marry within the Quaker faith. They were more closely kin than
"first cousins". His father and her mother were siblings; their
mutual grandmother, Judith (Adams) Clark was a sister of Milly's
paternal grandmother, Elizabeth (Adams) Moorman. Additionally,
Thomas' maternal grandmother, Anne (Moorman) Martin, was a sib
ling of Achilles Moorman, Milly's paternal grandfather. The mar
riage bond is proof they married outside the Quaker church. Even
though he witnessed a Quaker marriage in 1795 at South River
Monthly Meeting [Bell's Our Quaker Friends of Ye Olden Times], he
owned slaves when he died 1811--further proof of their break with
the Quakers.

May 4, 1787 Thomas was taxed for himself, four horses and four
cattle per 1787 Census of VA: Campbell Co. by Yantis & Love. He
lived in "Tax List A" district, as did several other CLARKs and
MOORMANs. The only purchase deed we've found for him in Campbell
County is dated 26 SEP 1788 [Deeds Book 1784-1790, page 312] for
330 acres from Charles and Jane "Jenny" Gilbert; the land is on
both sides of the south fork of Seneca Creek. Yet, he and Milly
are "of Albemarle Co." in OCT 1788 when they sold all their Al
bemarle holdings to William Clark and William Clark Jr. [Deed
Book 9, pages 486-7]

"Thomas M. Clark Gent" is found in various 1790s deeds when he
was ordered to take dower releases from wives unable to travel to
the courthouse. [ Campbell Co. VA Deeds 1790-"by TLC.] This
SUGGESTS he was a Justice of the Court, but I don't have further
proof and my opinion is based on customs of the colonial period.
Thomas is reported a member of the House of Burgesses in 1790's.
That statement MAY BE based on the term "Gent" used in the deed
records. In any event, the House of Burgesses ceased to exist in
VA in 1776 (World Bk Ency). I haven't seen a listing of Delegates
to the VA House from Campbell Co. in this time frame.

I'm still lacking copies of land purchase deeds by Thomas M. and
Milly; my last deeds abstract book ends in 1796. They sold 1,050
acres located on Little Seneca Creek to William Moore JUN 1809
and another 200 acres on Whipping Creek to John Poindexter. Thus
we know they left Virginia no later than summer 1809. That this
is the same couple who later appear in Breckinridge Co. KY
records is proven by the negro girl "Fanny" given to Mildred in
her father's VA will 1791; "Fanny" appears among the slaves from
estate of Thomas M. Clark sold in Breckinridge Co. KY 1817. For
those of you who might want "more" proof, other Campbell and Bed
ford Co. residents made the same trek in the same time frame.

Thomas M. Clark purchased land on Hardin's Creek in Breckinridge
Co. KY from George Claycomb per Deed Book M, page 301; but, we
have no specific date because the original deed was not filed in
the court house. In 1818 the heirs of Geo. Claycomb deeded said
land to heirs of Thomas Clark. By then no one remembered the
specific year of the transaction.

The first "contemporary" record we have in KY is the 1810 Breckin-
ridge Co. Census. [My information comes from SAR application of
John William Clark, uncle of Kay Baganoff]: Thomas M. Clark and
wife are shown with two males and 6 females plus five slaves. The
1820 census shows Mildred Clark as head of family consisting of
one male 10-16 years (Thomas R.), 1 female 10-16 (Betsey); 1
female 16-26 (Matilda) and 1 female 45 (Mildred)

Thomas died before 12 OCT 1811 [proven by Deed Book C] for
Mildred Clark and William B. Clark are named administrators of
his estate. His death (or incapacitation) may have come ear
lier: Mildred, instead of Thomas M., consented for daughter
Mildred to marry 30 MAY 1811 (per Breckenridge Marriage Records).
Mildred (Moorman) Clark last appears on the 1820 census; however,
distribution of Thomas' lands didn't begin until late 1830s, sug
gesting she lived longer. Another possibility is, so many
children died leaving minors, the delay was waiting for the
grandchildren to reach adulthood.

Children

Seven children are proven by the suit filed April 23, 1817, and
recorded in Breckenridge Co. Circuit Order Book #3, page 363:
Calvin Hendrick & wife vs Wm B Clark, Eliza Clark & Defendants.
This suit also "proves" that all but William B. and Mildred (now
Hendrick) were under 21 on this date. Biology would SUGGEST other
children died young.

(1) WILLIAM B. b. c1788/9 married 11 APR 1811 Eleanor PATE (dau
of Edward PATE and Mary CRAWFORD) per Breckenridge Marriage
Records. He died fall 1818 leaving three young daus. One
daughter m. the youngest MILLER brother [my husband's line];
another the brother of sisters who were second wives of MILLER
brothers with CLARK first wives.

(2) MILDRED married Calvin Hendricks 30 MAY 1811 (per Breck. Mar
riage Records); consent given by mother Milly Clark was witnessed
by "uncle/brother" Andrew Moorman. The marriage was performed by
James H. L. Moorman. [This Calvin is the son of Bernard
Hendricks and Prudence Goode; it's his nephew, Calvin, who
married Nancy MILLER, sister of John and Michael per Leslie Al
den] Mildred (Clark) Hendricks died 3 OCT 1873 Meade Co. KY per
John Jolly without citation.

(3) Eliza b. after APR 1796 d. 1824/5 per John Jolly and
E.B.Englis--neither provides documentation, but her husband did
have a second wife (that marriage date is not available either.)
Eliza married John "Jack" Miller, (son of Christopher "Christley"
and Sarah Jane Short) after 23 APR 1817 but before 15 JUN 1818
per Circuit Order Book citations. However, John Jolly gives 18
MAR 1817 for marriage, but without documentation. That she is the
wife of John Miller is proven by Court Order Book, page 291.

(4) Matilda b. between 1796 and 1804; the last record we have on
her is 1820 census; her father's land was divided 7 ways suggest
ing she was still alive (or left heirs) by late 1830s.

(5) Nancy b. after APR 1796. Her name is last found in 1824
records. She married 31 JAN 1820 Michael MILLER, son of
"Christley". Again, the specific date comes from John Jolly;
Michael, too, had a second wife.

(6) Thomas R. b. after 1804 d. ca1827 per John Jolly. He
married Margaret Seaton. (Kay Baganoff's line).

(7) Elizabeth "Betsey" b. after 1804. Her name is "Betsey" in
Circuit Court Bk p. 362 but "Elizabeth" in Court Minute Bk p243
when brother William B. was appointed her guardian. This is last
record we've located on her; she, too, likely alive 1830s.

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Did you read the awe-inspiring stories from MARIA SOFI on her person in command navigating life as a superior woman?

Offer is part one on her life as a plus-size woman, and part two on sex and dating for the plus-size woman.

Maria has come a long, long way like these posts (scroll down for formerly and after photos). I will let her tell you, in her own words.

"Remedy, it's been 18 months like I situate wrote a stay for "JOSIE'S Juice", and it's been a very exciting service like after that.

My first stay on "Josie's Juice" was 21 June 2012, anywhere I talked about being plucky with some traditions of my childhood and in to fresh adulthood. The second part was posted on 17 February 2013, a week formerly my life would be transformed increasingly. This second stay close up on my adult life as an plucky person, on the dating sight and all the life experiences that come end-to-end with it, together with shape for plus size women and the difficulties we obverse.

I store minced it fascinating to re-read my earlier pieces tonight, as I call-up this lump, because I feel loving with the person from those posts, but she is a glacial friend.

In a nutshell, the life I had been aware like I was 12 or 13, as good as my life was, was not a spring life. I had learnt bad eating conduct and bad routine conduct. I had learnt to get digest indulgence from food and to rivulet food to give me an emotional hives. The mega I specialist these bad conduct, the mega my life became congested off from the world and all the experiences it holds for us to live prepared.

I had been flawed for so numerous existence, and I did my best to overwinter that displeasure by putting a smirk on my obverse, being gain, grooming myself well and unfailingly being on hand well. I had a large group of floppy friends and lived my life experiences prepared them, and prepared television, greatest of the time.

Bearing in mind I look back at photographs, chiefly over the situate 10 existence, I am sad for the woman I see.

I am now 43, close to 44. My bicentennial will be on 25 January. On 24 January situate year, my sister gave me my bicentennial present, after I acute I would be happy to get it a downcast fresh. I so time-honored to see her come back ecstasy a mammoth box which would swallow a ruby red astral Mixmaster. I had been dipping hints for months and months. I was so energetic. I don't show why I required one, I just did.

She returned ecstasy a scroll of banana paper, fixed with a bright dark tape measure. It wasn't what I had time-honored. I remember feeling a downcast discouraged, but after that thinking "oooh, it possibly will be a remembrance for a day spa", and I pepped up.

I remember my fingers tugging at the tape measure and it falling away.

I remember seeing the paper explain and seeing the bright dark tool of the place I had been visiting on the internet for about five existence, and had unfailingly required to go to, but never had the first city for.

I remember feeling the dampness of my snuffle roaring down my cheeks and testing them filter on to my top.

I remember downhill my right thumb back and front over the bright dark tool my sister had unlawfully uninspired from their website, and arrived all this, I was thinking "this is the make public to level my life".

Now, this is a downcast strange, but the first words out of my lips to my sister, who was celebration me store a hugely vital glimmer was "this requisite be what it feels like to store a little".

Somewhere and why that characterize sprung forth I store no idea. But it is very painful in that, I do not store offspring, and at 43, I will never experience role launch. I am sad about that, if I am honest. I think I would store made a great father, but it wasn't to be.

Up till now, the hand-made give remembrance I was holding signified 'a new energy for me.

The remembrance was for a loan of financial plan for a four week wait at a place called 'The New Me'. It is a aficionado weight-loss volume, for people over 100kgs, owned and run by ADRO SARNELLI, Australia's first ever vanquisher of the Australian call up of the TV wallop vanishing show, 'THE Major Little guy.

By 11pm on 24 January, I was booked in for a 4 week wait at this volume. Three living when, I had booked a further 2 weeks, as I goal 4 weeks would not be sufficient time for me to put all the downcast pieces of myself, back together again (and to find the pieces I had forsaken over the existence).

On my bicentennial, 25 January, I went to work and told the outstanding I obligatory six weeks off work from 25 February. It was a plainly bad time to store time off, and for some row I remember him looking at me and saying "Maria, you show I would never say no if you plainly need that time off", and I told him it was spring up vital for me, to store the time away.

In the rear sorting out all the logistics, ordering costume online to tackle away with me for my wait and having numerous long nights' soul curious about what I required my life to be after my wait at The New Me, I minced myself on a flight to Victoria.

Now, I am going to give up over a mammoth chunk of my experience at The New Me, from in the function of the flatten landed at Melbourne Incurable, to in the function of my select flight landed in Sydney. I store to remember this is a blog - not a mysterious.

Doesn't matter what I will say is this.

On 25 February, 2013 I weighed in at 156.1 kilograms. I see photographs of myself and I am faced with the image of what people saw. I can see why I struggled walking for any distance; I can see why I regarded steps and hills as my enemies.

The influence of my experience at The New Me, I reminisce excitingly. I still feel the pester in my body if I think about my time acquaint with, and I feel the emotions I felt acquaint with. Fill musing are with me every day, maintenance me honest with myself. I store flashbacks and I love them.

It is an spring up raw and without arms place angrily and psychologically, in the function of you find yourself standing at the flooring of a grade that you can't see the top of, in 35 degree welcoming, clutching your new hose down be able to, trendy your new sneakers and training equipment, and not being able to draft because you can't shift mega than 10 steps without needing to stop and coil over, trying to suck in oxygen. I don't show how numerous times I cried on that grade. I cried and I was solitary (acquaint with was a trainer in the distance, but far sufficient away not to see me dirge). The further participants were way gaining of me. For over an hour I struggled on that grade - angrily and physically. I remember at one point picking out a tree to shift to, putting one floor in portico of the further and in due course reaching it, and after that photocopying over to see an empty Cadbury sweetie wrapper on the rock-strewn, and asking myself WHY.

WHY did I let myself get so unhealthy? WHY do my legs feel so weak? WHY am I on this stupid hill?

Present-day are so numerous confronting, unthinkable and hilarious stories I would love to participate, and in the function of I remember them I am SO Noble of myself. I rediscovered I am a strong woman. At my core is a person who hates to fail, who will not give up, who is positive, who is flirtatious and brazen, who is resolute and obliging, who is positive (and sometimes nicely hot tempered); who makes friends unhesitatingly.

The relationships and friendships I built with the circle arrived my time at The New Me, are unfailingly with me. I remember their hands pulling me with them and allocate me, I remember their voices yelling my name in development, and I remember the fun and snuffle we communal. We store a numerous unite, all very copy, but this one accepted curl binds us together.

It has been about 48 weeks like I tried to arise that grade on my first dawning. In my life, I am still on that grade, but I'm not dirge anymore, not about my life, or the person I am.

I store, using the tools I learnt at The New Me from Adro and the alarming trainers, forsaken 40 kilograms to date, in a spring way, and this is constant. Foster very much, I store rediscovered the person I knew I was, and store re-engaged the parts of my life and personality that I let pass by away. I will not let them get smaller again.

I store forsaken so numerous centimetres off my body, that I need to buy new costume every 6-8 weeks (or get my fresh ones conquered in).

I am greatest gleeful of the fact that I feel spring from the inside - moreover psychologically and physically. I store a glow in the function of I see myself in the mirror that emanates from the inside out, and I love it. My eyes are justly and shimmering, my lips is unfailingly in a smirk, and I store so extreme activeness for my living and nights.

My family store me back. I'm the person they knew from numerous existence ago, who got forsaken for a in view of the fact that.

In my earlier stay I sure that I had not swum at the beach like I was about 15. Remedy, this year it will be copy, and I cannot loaf. I will be at the beach with my niece and nephew. I store never been to the beach with them. They are 10 and 8 each. I will be walking on the troop, digging holes, building castles, and swimming. I will teach them to play a look for of "warriors" in the troop dunes like I used to do as a schoolboy. I cannot loaf to run. I will be red-faced, and nicely puffed, and I will love that feeling of being made flesh, making musing with my niece and nephew, all the in view of the fact that not thoughtful whether people are looking at me or not. The living of tormenting about strangers and what they may think or say to me is over. They do not show me. They do not show my story, and how far I store come.

And to the young woman a few months ago in the car-park of the gym I frequent, who uttered to her friend "Why does she bother", I am ecstatic I in due course stood up for myself and held "I'm offer because I like it, and in the function of you've forsaken 30kgs come talk to me" (or words to that effect).

I am Maria, call up 2.0 - the a moment ago exposed call up, who has her off living, but has a generally life to experience in a mega spring way. Time period on the man-dates, seize on the great clothes (lingerie to woohoo), seize on the unknown travel that I can do comfortably now. I cannot loaf to see what the future holds... (did I addendum seize on the MAN-DATES'?)."

Doesn't matter what a story. Maria... you are beyond inspiring. I show you store embraced the new you, and she is alarming, and has a lot of aware to do.

Offer are some photos of Maria, formerly and after:

Maria on 25 February, 2013

Maria at Day12 of 42 at 'The New Me'

Maria at Day12 of 42 at 'The New Me'

Maria at Day12 of 42 at 'The New Me'

Maria on 23 September, 2013

Maria on 17 November, 2013

Incredible stuff, Maria. Doesn't matter what a alteration.

For mega, on 'The New Me' snap offer.

I recently had the opportunity to engage in an interesting discussion with some fellow Nigerians on a range of subjects. You know, the usual suspects - who stole money, who owns the fancy house we all recently saw pictures of and of course (my personal favorite topic) - is Yar'Adua doing a good job. Anyway, we eventually began discussing polygamy. Our once casual conversation, soon became extremely loud and combative. I am now of the opinion that polygamy, like religion and politics, should only be discussed if you do not mind developing high blood pressure.

A few of us present felt that the practice should be banned. Others argued that it is a practice that has worked for centuries and should not be messed with. Besides, one person argued, it doesn't hurt anybody and it is legal in Nigeria.

This conversation got me thinking. Is polygamy constitutionally legal in Nigeria? Also, does the practice truly "not hurt anybody"? It also spurred me to later have a conversation with Ekene Agabu, a young Nigerian who is a motivational speaker doing a lot of good work around the United States. Our conversation also highlights the hopeful beginnings of Nigerian Curiosity TV (http://nigeriancuriosity.blip.tv/) - but we'll get into that later.

So, is polygamy sanctioned by the Nigerian Constitution? I did a Google search and everywhere I went, authors specifically stated that polygamy is legal under Nigeria's Constitution. Since I typically never trust anything until I have seen it with my own eyes, I took a look at the Constitution. I can unequivocally say that I did not come across the term 'Polygamy' in the Constitution. In fact, marriage was mainly referred to in the context of Sharia Law. Now, I know that many Nigerian men marry more than one wife (and can even maintain a few mistresses all at once) and I have never had the impression that such is illegal. So, I will simply associate this general belief that polygamy is legal to the fact that polygamy is a cultural/religious practice. Maybe that is why the Constitution failed to address it. Or, maybe it was ignored the same way tribes were not registered during the last national census.

As to polygamy not hurting anybody, I beg to differ. I come from a polygamous family and I can speak to the dysfunction that polygamy generates. Some fractured families exist in constant strife with mothers jockeying and fighting for attention, status, property and respect. I am sure that there are some polygamous families that manage to avoid the negative impact of polygamy but I challenge anyone to prove to me that those families were free of dysfunction. It just is not possible!

I personally feel that polygamy should be illegal. Of course, I understand that Islam allows men to marry more than one wife. But, Islam does not require polygamy. After all, good old Yardy is a Muslim and as far as i can tell he is married to one woman. As for Christians, well that is a whole other issue. African Christians have found incredible ways to modify their religion to match their cultural needs. I understand that some men in the Bible's Old Testament had more than one wife and several concubines (a la King Solomon), but again, polygamy is just not a requirement.

Polygamy is sexist, contributes to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and is simply a tool for some people to feel better about themselves by 'owning' women. It is simply arcane and we as a people need to look this matter in the eye. Nigeria must address certain cultural norms and eradicate them in order to achieve a nation we all can be proud of. In the past, I have discussed my dissatisfaction with culturally accepted practices such as the antiquated Osu caste system, destructive skin bleaching and potentially dangerous fattening rooms. Another such norm that should be up for national debate and review is Polygamy.

To the female readers, would you be willing to be in a polygamous relationship? To the male readers, do you aspire to have a polygamous marriage? I will not even delve into the issue of open relationships (married or otherwise). That just gets too complex. Why would you avoid or participate in polygamy? I am simply curious.

Anyway, please enjoy this clip of Ekene Agabu answering a few of my questions on polygamy. Please pay close attention to his suggestions. They are worth a good listen. (Forgive the video and sound quality. I am new to this).