Polygamy And The State Of The Nigerian Union

I recently had the opportunity to engage in an interesting discussion with some fellow Nigerians on a range of subjects. You know, the usual suspects - who stole money, who owns the fancy house we all recently saw pictures of and of course (my personal favorite topic) - is Yar'Adua doing a good job. Anyway, we eventually began discussing polygamy. Our once casual conversation, soon became extremely loud and combative. I am now of the opinion that polygamy, like religion and politics, should only be discussed if you do not mind developing high blood pressure.

A few of us present felt that the practice should be banned. Others argued that it is a practice that has worked for centuries and should not be messed with. Besides, one person argued, it doesn't hurt anybody and it is legal in Nigeria.

This conversation got me thinking. Is polygamy constitutionally legal in Nigeria? Also, does the practice truly "not hurt anybody"? It also spurred me to later have a conversation with Ekene Agabu, a young Nigerian who is a motivational speaker doing a lot of good work around the United States. Our conversation also highlights the hopeful beginnings of Nigerian Curiosity TV (http://nigeriancuriosity.blip.tv/) - but we'll get into that later.

So, is polygamy sanctioned by the Nigerian Constitution? I did a Google search and everywhere I went, authors specifically stated that polygamy is legal under Nigeria's Constitution. Since I typically never trust anything until I have seen it with my own eyes, I took a look at the Constitution. I can unequivocally say that I did not come across the term 'Polygamy' in the Constitution. In fact, marriage was mainly referred to in the context of Sharia Law. Now, I know that many Nigerian men marry more than one wife (and can even maintain a few mistresses all at once) and I have never had the impression that such is illegal. So, I will simply associate this general belief that polygamy is legal to the fact that polygamy is a cultural/religious practice. Maybe that is why the Constitution failed to address it. Or, maybe it was ignored the same way tribes were not registered during the last national census.

As to polygamy not hurting anybody, I beg to differ. I come from a polygamous family and I can speak to the dysfunction that polygamy generates. Some fractured families exist in constant strife with mothers jockeying and fighting for attention, status, property and respect. I am sure that there are some polygamous families that manage to avoid the negative impact of polygamy but I challenge anyone to prove to me that those families were free of dysfunction. It just is not possible!

I personally feel that polygamy should be illegal. Of course, I understand that Islam allows men to marry more than one wife. But, Islam does not require polygamy. After all, good old Yardy is a Muslim and as far as i can tell he is married to one woman. As for Christians, well that is a whole other issue. African Christians have found incredible ways to modify their religion to match their cultural needs. I understand that some men in the Bible's Old Testament had more than one wife and several concubines (a la King Solomon), but again, polygamy is just not a requirement.

Polygamy is sexist, contributes to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and is simply a tool for some people to feel better about themselves by 'owning' women. It is simply arcane and we as a people need to look this matter in the eye. Nigeria must address certain cultural norms and eradicate them in order to achieve a nation we all can be proud of. In the past, I have discussed my dissatisfaction with culturally accepted practices such as the antiquated Osu caste system, destructive skin bleaching and potentially dangerous fattening rooms. Another such norm that should be up for national debate and review is Polygamy.

To the female readers, would you be willing to be in a polygamous relationship? To the male readers, do you aspire to have a polygamous marriage? I will not even delve into the issue of open relationships (married or otherwise). That just gets too complex. Why would you avoid or participate in polygamy? I am simply curious.

Anyway, please enjoy this clip of Ekene Agabu answering a few of my questions on polygamy. Please pay close attention to his suggestions. They are worth a good listen. (Forgive the video and sound quality. I am new to this).