A reader asks about his troubled relationship with a sociopath:

I have a confession to make. A sociopath was in love with me. It was the highest high I ever experienced. She abandoned all sense of common sense, but not her sociopathy. She still flirted with other men, and still longed to be the center of attention in every situation where more than two people were involved.

What changed?

I found her behavior to be untrustworthy. Her flirtations aside, her need for me and her need to please me at every turn exposed her in-authenticity, making me doubt that this person would be accountable in the context of a long-term relationship. I quietly and secretly began picking up clues and further cues from her behavior. I soon realized that this person could morph herself into anything and anyone at any time. Although fantastic as an actress, or a career as a skilled negotiator, I felt with gut wrenching conviction that this person could sell me out if she fell out of love, just as easily as she could change skins to meet the needs of a conversation.

I decided to try out an experiment to see if this was so.

Words to the unwise:

Be sure you are ready to know the truth of the questions you so passionately seek answered. Sometimes trusting your gut and abandoning the need for experiments is the more sensible choice.

I'll just simply say I was correct in my assumptions - although she didn't sell me out as fast as I thought, once she did, she sold me out for concert tickets (example).

The problem lies in that I am devastated by the loss of that love she gave, and the high I received from it. I tried not to let it grow roots in me, but I was apparently unsuccessful. Her cruelty near the end, and the pain that ensues as a result, shakes the roots and trembles within me, making the absence feel even greater.

What's confusing is that now she contacts me all the time. She wants to get together and know how I'm doing and tells me she still loves me. For the most part I have turned her down each time. A few days ago, I point blank asked her:

What do you HOPE for in your contact with me. Do you want to be FRIENDS? Or are you hoping to rekindle a relationship? There is a large can of worms between us and for us to even have a friendship, that can of worms must be cleaned out and healed. Then I went on to reiterate some of the pain she caused me.

She answered that she felt attacked again. That until she doesn't feel safe, she can only think of a deep and honest friendship. I found that hilarious, since she lies so much about almost everything. Has she truly changed?

Needless to say I remain confused about this situation. She lied, she hurt, she flirted, she emotionally cheated. The problem is that she did all that once I was in love with her. When you love someone, what do you do? You grow into them, understand them and forgive them. I feel I am in a very challenging position. Feeling a bit like your brother Jim who was able to see your needs and allow himself to get beaten up so that you may get what you needed, and he could therefore have a sense of peace.

The things I wonder are:

Does she still love me?

Does she see that the things she did were wrong?

What options does this situation still hold?

If none, how can I walk away with some dignity?

Thank you for listening and for putting yourself out there. Your influence is of Christian proportions!

My response:

She sounds like she is genuinely fond of you if she still stays in contact with you. I don't know if that's what you (or she) means by "love". She probably thinks she did some things wrong, but they probably are not the same things that you think she did wrong. Maybe she wishes that she hadn't done certain things that made her attitude towards you and your relationship so explicit to you, or maybe she wished that she had indulged you more than she had, to keep you happy. Apart from these small things, though, I don't believe she will fundamentally change. Rather I think that she would take your return as evidence that you were ok with who she is and how she approaches relationships. So those are your options -- take things on her terms, or don't. I don't know what more dignity you could want apart from being the one who decides what you want most in your life and acting on that. Everyone trades good things for things they want more.

Source: pua-celebrities.blogspot.com

The Meat for Masculine Studies is agreement a lower house in October, 2010, and they have issued a call for papers. I'm torn about these natives - very essentialist in their approach, come up to reject any constructionist/postmodern perspectives. To boot, they positive very revolting on the way to all feminisms, not just the misandry oriented versions.

Just about is their FAQ.

Masculine STUDIES - Name FOR Papers

Meat for Masculine Studiescontact email: mgroth@wagner.eduInterdisciplinary

Masculine Studies: At the outset Annual report Conference (New York Municipal, October 2010)

Proposals for papers are being time-honored on any characteristic of male studies, in the midst of the powerful biology of the male, anthropological perspectives on the experience of being male, psychoanalytic study of boys and grown-up males, history of the male, literacy and boyhood, boys' and men's well-being, living example of males in letters and the media, males in a changing discount, global perspectives on the experience of being male, themes in the sociology of being male, electorate convention and qualification care definitely secure to boys and grown-up males, the male experience in higher education.

Papers are welcomed from non-Anglophone countries.

Papers are welcomed from Monarch Scholars.

This is not a gender studies lower house. It is not a men's studies lower house in the when all's said and done time-honored consider.

* By web defeat at 05/19/2010 - 19:00

This is the supervisor detail-oriented email that went out to friends of male studies (poise to Durwin Spread for forwarding this to me).

Wagner Literary will militia the first annual Conference on Masculine Studies, on Friday and Saturday, October 1-2, 2010. Six themes significant many disciplines will be addressed by panels and respectable presenters:

The powerful biology of the experience of being male (genetics, biology, psychoneuroendocrinology, paleoanthropology);

Literacy and education of boys and college males (pedagogy, sociology);

Socioeconomic factors leading to males' over-involvement in the reckless truth system, underemployment and inadequate opportunities as fathers, resulting from changes in toddler care law (economics, forensics, law, electorate convention);

Misandric representations of boys and mature males in the media and media hype (media studies in the midst of movies, check and internet, and media hype);

Accounts of the experience of being male (history, letters, life history);

Mysterious issues relative to the emotional well-being of boys and grown-up males, utmost meaningfully depression and suicide (clinical psychology, action and laboratory analysis, social work).

Specialists in all of the specially disciplines as well as relative areas of research will present position papers or pilfer in prudently on the point of board pondering of the themes. We have faith in participants to put in scholars from supervisor than 12 countries who participated in the April 7, 2010 inaugural teleconference and webinar publicize.

Proceedings of the lower house will be published in the first issue of a new journal, Masculine Studies, in 2011.

Make smile near your submission as a (1) single authored paper, (2) board (inauguration equals who would be amusement to guess with you), or (3) a workshop. The two-day lower house will be interdisciplinary and international in span.

In your submission, stretch the unquestionable turf(s) your submission represents. Hold back voguish contact information.

As a be aware of, as mentioned on the Name for Papers, attraction advance your store to mgroth@wagner.edu.

To boot, attraction pushy this mail to extensively scholars with whom you work or have worked.

Proposals will be time-honored until Admired 31.

All Go beyond,

Miles Groth, PhD, Convener

Tags: Name for Papers, Meat for Masculine Studies, Conference, men's studies, male studies, psychology, conferences, enhancement, men, male, masculine, Miles Groth