The Six Types Of Bad Kisses

Matthew Inman, the creator of the popular web comic The Oatmeal, started out his professional career as a web designer. He worked for a number of very boring companies until finally starting his own dating website, Mingle2.com. Mingle2 is a 100% free online dating site that markets itself as fun, flirty and entertaining, as well as being a good place to meet local singles. Matthew found an outlet for his wacky creative side in making comics and quizzes to market the website. The cartoons went viral, and soon Matt was able to work on them full time. One of his earliest works, the Six Types of Bad Kissers, still rings true with most of us. Here they are: 1) THE TOO MUCH TONGUE Nobody likes too much tongue, and yet some people think the point of kissing really is to see how far down the other person's throat they can put it. While that's a fun game, rather wait and see how much tongue the other person is comfortable with before you start checking out their wisdom teeth. 2) THE POSSUM Nothing you do seems to elicit any kind of reaction, and they're barely moving their mouth at all. Maybe they're just not that into you, or maybe they're too drunk to do anything besides imbibe fluids. Maybe it's your breath - who knows? Chances are though, they're just a lousy kisser. 3) THE 13 HOUR UNCUT EXTENDED EDITION This seems to happen with inexperienced people more often than not. Sure, it's fun, but after an hour or so your lips are chafed and you want to either start rounding the bases or play Xbox. 4) THE TOO MUCH MOUTH Some people don't seem to notice the size of their own mouth, or the fact that they're opening it wider than your entire lower face. There doesn't seem to be much you can do about this, other than make it unpleasant for them to do so in any way you can. 5) THE HALITOSIS She seems good looking through the haze of eight Coronas, but man something just doesn't taste right. Either it's a massive garlic overdose, or she has a serious halitosis problem. When she pulls away to reveal her green tongue, it's time to decide whether or not it's worth putting up with that to see what else she can do. 6) THE VACUUM Remember when you were all learning how to kiss in school? This is the person who wasn't invited. They'll suck your teeth out of your skull, and give you hickeys so bad you look like you've been in a bar fight. Unfortunately, there's no polite way to make them stop, but if you're both drunk enough you can just walk away and hopefully they won't follow.