Nice Guys Finish Last Especially In Relationships And Marriage Part 2
I was afraid this topic was going to be met with resentment and denial, and I've been pleasantly surprised by how many confessions and turnarounds I've been apprised of today, so we're definitely going to stick with it.
It's pretty easy to spot the needy wuss who constantly sucks up to women trying to gain their favor, that is unless you're one of those poor lost souls who think that love and need are the same thing, in which case you need to download my free "Break-Up Busting 101" report and study the section on "Love, Need, Attraction, and Lust" before continuing or this isn't going to make a bit of sense to you. But what about "covert" or hidden neediness?
Oops! Didn't think about that one, did you? Neediness doesn't have to be that begging, groveling, in-your-face-whining nonsense to get on somebody's nerves. Have you ever expected a woman to know your needs and respond to them without you having to say anything, and then been hurt and pissed off when she didn't?
Since we're guys, I'll use the most obvious guy example, lying in the bed at night wanting se'x and not initiating it because "she should just know that you're a man and need it." If you've done this, and then got angry or hurt when she went to sleep because you didn't act interested enough in her to give her a reason to participate, let alone come on to you, you're guilty of something I've heard called "passive neediness." And you need help.
The same thing goes for finances, planning for the future, time off for a sporting event, or anything else. If you don't make your goals, ambitions, needs and desires known, preferably by somehow stating or demonstrating that you want something instead of asking permission for it, you have no right to expect anybody to know or respond to what's only in your head.
Women are quite good at picking up on signals, body language, etc., but they're far from psychic, at least most of them are! LOL! Seriously, they're no more capable of reading our minds as we are of reading theirs. And besides, your job is to take the lead in anything that she doesn't actively and aggressively take the lead in herself (which most of you will see infrequently if ever once you start leading because women are much more social than we are and generally invite participation and cooperation rather than jumping straight into a commanding role if there is a known leader around, but you'll know it if and when you see it).
The good news is that women are generally more than just comfortable following a leader, they enjoy watching the spectacle of a man being manly. They enjoy seeing a man act like he has a pair of gonads and going after what he wants (as long as it doesn't grossly oppose what they want, of course). And as a sort of corollary to yesterday's rule, "if you can't stand up WITH and TO a woman, you can't stand up FOR her," if you can't go after what you want, you can't support her in getting what she wants, either.
And no, what I'm saying isn't "politically correct," but it's reality, and we have to face it and live with it, no matter how badly you may want it to be different; human biology isn't going to bend to your will any more than it is mine or anybody else's. One of the women in my family is a staunch feminist, even somewhat of an activist, and even she confesses that when she's around a strong male personality it excites her, often to the point of "lubrication" and fantasizing.
So the bottom line is that if you don't expect women to be psychic you won't have to be disappointed and go through that most annoying passive-aggressive bit that "passively needy" men go through when they try to avoid mentioning their needs to keep from appearing "selfish" and get hurt when nobody reads their mind and responds. Communicate, in a way that is proper to a man, and get either what you want or a good reason why you can't get it.
Oops! That takes confidence, huh? And communications skills, too, right? And in a lot of cases it's also going to take knowing a few things about women's needs, too, because they can sometimes be at odds with our own, requiring a little finesse to gain their cooperation. Well, so much for that idea...
I couldn't even type that with a straight face! I'm glad I didn't have to say it aloud or I'd have choked on the laughter. Of course you can gain all those things, in abundance, and take the much easier route to getting what you want, the route proper to a man instead of to an addled schoolboy. The reason you're not doing it now isn't because you can't, it's because you don't know any better!
But ignorance - not knowing - is an easily treatable condition. It just takes knowledge. It's apathy - not caring - and stupidity - the inability to think intelligently - that kills most men's ability to live a good life. And if you were stupid or didn't care, you wouldn't be here, right?
So here's what you do: Go to http://www.makingherhappy.com and download your copy of "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and learn what you need to know to be nice while still being a man that a woman can love, respect, and be excited to be around. Sweeping a woman off her feet doesn't require being abusive or a "bad boy" any more than it requires kissing her behind and groveling before her. It just requires that you know what is truly proper to live as a man and a little more about women than you do now and you're golden.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
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