The Russian Who Refused Her Role Shhh Asks Lovelab

SUBJECT: Russian GF

Hi Lovelab,

I had this very sweet Russian girlfriend and it was very intense at first but I was bothered by her unwillingness to cook or clean. Am I a pig or aren't those the types of things woman tend to do?

Also, she used to sit behind me while I was on the computer and bite her nails obsessively. Is that normal?

LoveLab says:

Dear Shhh,

Yes, some women adhere to their traditional role to cook and clean. However, as the number of women being accepted into graduate school is now exceeding that of men and many women (especially in New York) are putting effort into establishing their own careers, it is hardly reasonable to expect that all women would fall into this stereotype. Women took on these roles since in the past one salary (usually that of the man) was enough to feed the entire family. These days, women often contribute to the family income and even if not at the same rate, the fact that someone brings in less money doesn't make them less tired from a full workweek.

In addition, women contribute to the marriage in their own unique and irreplaceable way - through childbirth. This is a contribution that involves physical and mental investment for 9 months, but also during the early years when a woman breast feeds. Many women, even if they don't cook and clean (let's say they have full time help with a nanny), still take an active role in child rearing and organization of the household chores.

There are also those instances, where women come from money (see The Park Avenue Princess) and are not accustomed to these roles due to their upbringing (nor do they necessarily need to be).

All that matters is that two adults are happy with each others contributions to the partnerships and they value what their partner adds to their life, whether it'd be good companionship, emotional support, financial upward mobility, or the comfort of a meal and a clean home that mama used to give.

And as for the up-in-your-grill nail biting - may be she just wanted to feel involved in what you were doing?



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