A Gentleimportant Rant Surviving And Thriving
September 2014 Save 50 At Eharmony
If you don't formerly take a free convey at eHarmony, you sign-up at home
Loads OF PROMOTIONS AT EHARMONY THIS Engagement
I do my best to break every eHarmony free weekend on this website and this appointment offering take been Masses of free weekends. You can see a full list that I achieve at home and you'll see that eHarmony has been instead sizable this appointment. It seems like, at a least, every month has 5 time free. To think about that assorted way, eHarmony has been free to use (calm if you haven't subscribed) for wherever in the company of 15% and 20% of the time this year!
I think these free weekend promotions are fundamental since they give people a real feel for what the service has to suggestion. With bated breath, you've had a fit to try the service fashionable some of these free undertakings. But, if you're not very bring to a close with eHarmony, at home are a few articles you can mull it over out:
* My review of eHarmony as a dating service
* Haughty proof on how eHarmony works and how it's be equal with from far afield dating armed forces
* And overwhelmingly an article comparing eHarmony to Evenly balanced.com
MY Expertise Afterward EHARMONY
I had a great experience using eHarmony because I was dating online. If you've read my free online dating guide, you chronicle that the way this service works was great for a shy guy like me. It truthfully helped me get bring to a close with online dating. That helped me feel Extreme broaden appreciate as I datedeven if I wasn't dating online. So, if you're humanitarian new to online dating or just reserved about the communication resources in online dating, I think a service like eHarmony is a terrible help.
Once I used eHarmony, I always subscribed for just one month at a time. I questionable in my mind, I was always just one month impossible from prudence "the one". And, again, if you've read my guide you chronicle that's not rectify how my experience wentalthough I did "in the end" find her! Unused, looking back I down for the count a lot of income that I didn't need to with this approach. I chronicle it's hard to acclaim since I was "that guy" too, but along with keep in mind that if you do film set to try eHarmony but go with the month-by-month wretched, at the three month slump you'll materialize dejected income compared to this preparation.
Do what you're most appreciate with, and sometimes that income use a bit broaden income if you're not at once successful, but I'd foundation you to conceive of whatever thing a bit longer than a month. Steadily, I agreement that people sign up for three months on a dating service to give it a real try (too countless people give up in the wake of one month which is with brute force not enough time). Afterward a clip like this, it's ascetically six-months of time for the three-month price so patently it's easy for me to agreement this.
In good health risk to anybody who gives it a try!
Comparable posts:
* eHarmony Unregulated Transmit Weekend September 3 - September 6, 2010
* January 2014: eHarmony Unregulated Transmit Weekend
* Dignified 2014: eHarmony Unregulated Transmit Weekend
Ed Sheeran And Ellie Goulding Not Dating
Sheeran has been linked to a load of lovely ladies such as Taylor Swift, the girl that I will never utter a negative word about on this dating website. That speculation developed when they collaborated writing "Everything Has Changed, "a single off T Swizzle's very successful fourth album Red, which you lot should all buy and listen on repeat for ages as like I have done. Wood was added to this fiery rumour when Swift announced that Ed would be joining her on her tour across America. However like the Goulding rumours, both parties deny this report.
I don't see why Ed can't be lucky in love and dating as he is extremely lucky in the pop charts. He has managed to crack both the UK and USA and write number one singles for the likes of One Direction. Oh well, I really don't think everyone's favourite ginger singer has got no one to pick from... just not Ellie and Taylor.
Daphne X
RELATED POSTS:
* Jessica Szhor and Ed Westwick are back dating
* Calling all Swifties! I am in desperate need of your
* Amanda Seyfried officially dating Justin Long
* Amanda's been brokenhearted since the day they parted
* Lacey Banghard out dating with James Arthur
Origin: pickup-techniques.blogspot.com
The Only Question Worth Answering
In fact, given the state of affairs of the past seven thousand years or so, the question actually is this: Shall we turn the world over to women this afternoon, or shall we give ourselves until sometime next week?
I have a couple of good reasons for bringing up this topic, and, frankly, I think that getting on with it is absolutely necessary. That is, if women actually would take us up on the deal. Women are pretty smart, and they may not accept any such offer. They have a pretty clear understanding of human behavior, mainly because they give birth to humans and raise these human children more or less by themselves. So they immediately gain that firsthand experience into human behavior, which by and large is not a pretty picture. You know, the whiny baby stuff, the me-first stuff. It can't be easy turning such raw material into a halfway sensible, reasonably competent, socialized member of our species. I have known men in their sixties who are still pretty much in the diaper stage of human social interaction. Maybe you know them, too.
The other reason is that, no matter how you look at it, women are still pretty much regarded as second-class citizens in this world (where they even "are" citizens), and so they gain insight from that, as well. It's my old rule: if you really want to know how things are going, don't ask the manager or the boss: he or she will simply cover his or her ass and say everything is going fine. This is how it's done in a kick-down, kiss-up hierarchy or bureaucracy. If you really want to know how things are going, ask the workers on the assembly line or the ones digging the ditch. And get ready for an earful. However, given the fact that most women are the ones basically working on the assembly line every day and therefore know the facts about how things have been run so far, maybe the world is more trouble than it is worth as far as many women are concerned.
Still, this line of thinking brings me to my first reason why women should be running things: they give birth to us. Therefore, they have dibs. The hand that rocks the cradle and so forth. If only we could have this situation take place in an environment that really nurtured and supported moms (rather than nurturing and supporting, say, pathologic Wall Street dickheads), we would be better in the long run.
Another good reason: Women are more intelligent than men. This is true, although I'd have to do some research to back it up. And maybe the studies aren't there. Yet. Anecdotally, however, many of the brightest guys I know, and I mean doctors and surgeons and people like that, men who themselves are really bright, all sigh and nod and say that it is so.
Maybe it's because women have two x chromosomes and we all start out as girls, or as protofemales, in the womb. Then some of us receive this huge dose of testosterone and, voila, we get a gimpy y chromosome instead of continuing with a second strong x chromosome. And it really is gimpy. Look at any biology book or go online and you'll see that it's so. I attended a lecture years ago by Ashley Montagu, the British biologist, who made this point and showed us slides corroborating the evidence. By gum, there is was, the odd y chromosome. So Mother Nature has already made up her mind. We evolved so that, as is the situation with all higher order animals, we have two sexes in order to get a lot more work done during the day. Division of labor. Dads evolved to help moms, though, not the other way around. It's not a science fiction or fantasy story like the book of Genesis, where women come in second and are told that they're here to help men. It's science: logically, guys are here to assist the first sex, which would be women.
Science, in fact, is coming up with lots of reasons to revisit the assumptions most of us have about men and women. There's a very important article in the current (May-June 2010) issue of "Miller-McCune" magazine titled "Make Birth Control, Not War" (available at http://www.miller-mccune.com/culture-society/make-birth-control-not-war-11399/). The authors, Thomas Hayden and Malcolm Potts, make the point that war is in our genes, that "humans-human males, really-are not peaceful animals," but that birth control measures and family planning decisions could alleviate much of the testosterone-driven bloodshed that has defined our species for so long. Putting women in charge, in other words, to make the decisions about when to have children and how many to have, could be the key to our survival. These authors report that, like chimpanzees, our closest living relatives, humans lived "for the vast majority of evolutionary time... in male-dominated social groups in which the males are all blood-relatives and only females move between troops. The dominant males largely monopolize mating opportunities and take the best food and other resources. Younger males are left either to work their way up the in-group hierarchy or attempt surreptitious matings with females of their troop or others-high-stakes strategies that often end in a beating or worse. But, in a unique evolutionary innovation, these young males can also band together and launch attacks on isolated members of neighboring out-groups, ultimately eliminating their 'enemies' and securing territory, resources and females they require to survive and pass on their genes." Sounds like the old neighborhood, right? And like the "Iliad".
Passing on the genes is what it's all about, as anyone knows who has kept up with current developments in the biological sciences. What's good for the species is out; what the selfish gene desires for itself is in. "We are all descended," Hayden and Potts continue, "... from particularly successful rapists, murderers and brigands. Human males today bear the marks of this legacy in the behaviors and impulses that still spur us on to lethal conflict-including the widespread and devastating association between war and rape-even when other solutions are both available and preferable."
At the same time, though, they point out, "there is no doubt that other apes, like people, can be empathetic." This biological behavior is emphasized in long-term observations made by Ernst Fehr, a professor of macroeconomics and experimental economics at the University of Zurich in Switzerland. In the article "Ernst Fehr: How I found what's wrong with economics," in the May 4, 2010, issue of "New Scientist" (available at http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20627581.300-ernst-fehr-how-i-found-whats-wrong-with-economics.html), writer Marc Buchanan states that, 20 years ago, "Fehr had a seemingly sensible idea-that a deep-seated human preference for fairness might play an important role in economics." Fehr had an uphill battle against the received wisdom that economic activity in the real world, like all other activities, is basically a winner-takes-all battlefield where evolved chimpanzees with flags and shooting irons-us, in other words-fight each other over the biggest slices of the never-expanding pie. Such "hard-headed thinking," however, "has turned out to be profoundly na"ive" and, in fact, "played a fundamental role in the recent economic crisis... the worst financial crisis in nearly a century." Fehr has been concentrating on the field of neuroeconomics, helping to establish that "our precious moral values may ultimately be biologically based." The idea that people are strictly self-interested, Fehr says, "has been the dominant mindset for decades.... It's a biased way of perceiving the world." (Certainly it is the mindset of pathologic, pseudorational, selfish Ayn Rand-style "positivists," with their positively self-deluded sense of entitlement as alpha-male and -female go-getters who cleverly leave the rest of us in the dust as they charge in, Achilles-like, to prove their social dominance.)
Interestingly, when it comes to testosterone, literally the bad boy of the sex hormones, Fehr and colleagues, in a recent paper in "Nature", "showed that testosterone, despite its reputation as a promoter of aggressive behavior, actually made people more cooperative when playing economic games. They used female volunteers since previous studies have indicated that women are more likely than men to show behavioural changes if given very low doses of the hormone." (Eisenegger C, Naef M, Snozzi R, Heinrichs M, Fehr E: Prejudice and truth about the effect of testosterone on human bargaining behavior, available at Eisenegger C, Naef M, Snozzi R, Heinrichs M, Fehr E: Prejudice and truth about the effect of testosterone on human bargaining behavior.) Naturally, however, as Hayden and Potts state, many people are resistant "to the idea that something as apparently complex and unique to humans as our social instincts could find a relatively simple basis in chemical changes in brain activity."
Well, we had better get used to the idea that we humans fundamentally serve as responders to selfish genes and chemical changes in brain activity because that is where advances in scientific inquiry are taking us. And study results such as these make the argument for women running the world all the more self-evident. Midway through their article, Hayden and Potts list the factors that "interact in one way or another with the warlike biology of the human male, and each is influenced quite directly by population growth rate":
- Environmental stress and/or resource limitation
- Extreme economic disparity within or between groups and lack of opportunities, especially for young men
- Subjugation of women and a culture of male dominance
- A high proportion of young males relative to older males
I was certainly familiar with the first two items in their catalogue: stressing local resources intuitively seems to lead to attacking the people over the next hill in order to take their stuff, and the age-old question of what to do with the young men has bedeviled every culture since we came down from the trees. For years I've been saying that, if we really want to help out in Afghanistan and other hot spots in the world, what you do is give all of the hormone-driven young men the following: a wife and a family; a steady job; and one night a week out with the boys so that they can bond with their peer group by playing poker or going down to the local to throw back a few. It is not complex. That we haven't done so tells me that, ultimately, the characters who make the decisions that shape the world have more profits to make by keeping things stirred up than by keeping them sensibly within domestic limits. As a matter of fact, Hayden and Potts point out that the crafty Yasser Arafat, when he needed to score points with the United Nations following the attacks in 1972 by the terrorist group Black September on the Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympic Games, "flew eligible young female volunteers to Beirut and offered militant members of Black September 3,000, an apartment with a TV, long-term employment and 5,000 if they married and had a child. The offer was overwhelmingly accepted, and Black September as a terrorist movement collapsed almost overnight." My point is made. Case closed. No mention of whether these formerly deadly young bucks got to spend one evening out a week with the boys, but that's beside the point. Given the choice between being losers or winners, they went with being winners.
Female subjugation is a topic of endless discussion, of course. Suffice it to say that it is based, so far as I can tell, on fear of the feminine, most often, literally, fear of women. That's what it comes down to, pure and simple. It is what is behind every fundamentalist religious sect and thought in the world. I know what I personally would like to do to jerks like the extremists who attack young Muslim girls on their way to school, but my reaction would be purely testosterone driven. I'd prefer to wait until next week when women are running the world and leave it to the mothers of these cretinous slobs, and the mothers of the hurt girls, to deliver whatever punishment the moms feel would be a fair and balanced response.
And speaking of fair and balanced, I am troubled by women who make themselves available to the alpha males of such conservative, testosterone-driven, He-Man Woman-Hater Clubs as Fox News as well as every other place of business or enterprise in America, if not the world. It makes sense, no doubt, biologically, as it has for thousands of years, to catch the eye of the alpha males, but as a matter of self-respect, I can't help but recognize that these women are exactly what they appear to be: prizes available to the highest bidder in the chimpanzee troop. Conservative women are basically holes. They can tart themselves up as much as possible, they can bottle-blond themselves no end and undergo plastic surgery, but essentially all they are doing is what is required to be done in a conservative chimpanzee troop, which is to serve as highly visible pieces of candy. We all recognize that the owners of the shapely stems on Fox News are not equal partners. They are holes. Conservative women are holes. Of course, many so-called liberal males also regard women basically as holes. That's a fact. But we need to try to get to a point where, selfishly-gened and sex-hormoned as we are, we all keep in mind most of the time that women got here first and that they are the mothers of our species. This will happen faster once we start, later today, letting women run things.
The fourth point in the Hayden and Potts article, about a high proportion of young males relative to older males leading to trouble, really makes sense. When you have a suitable number of dads, older brothers, uncles, and granddads around to guide the next generation of young men, you have at least a halfway decent chance of providing some decent guidance to these up-and-comers. It might be a code of conduct, it might be a direction for intellectual inquiry, it might simply be warning the young bucks to treat girls the way they want their sisters treated. Whatever. Trouble comes when you have too many young guys leading each other around in circles and causing trouble for themselves and others, whether because they broke into dad's store of alcohol, or some religious nut gave them marching orders, or any of the million-and-one other ways young men have found since the Stone Age to get themselves thrown into buzz saws.
Any type of revealed religion is potentially poisonous, as far as I'm concerned. And fundamentalists, whether inspired by revealed or secular religion, are always trouble for the clear-thinking and the truth-seeking among us. They are all the same, these true believers. Same animal, different color of fur. But we can save that conversation for another blog.
Anyhow, Hayden and Potts conclude their essay by stating the obvious: if we made family planning available worldwide and let women take charge of their own wombs, we would be well on the way to having fewer hostilities and instead having more nights out with the boys that wouldn't lead to mass destruction. We would all sleep better knowing that the four factors that contribute to war and rapine are being addressed sensibly. By women. For the good of our species and our genes.
A final point to follow up on where I started, many paragraphs back up there, and then I'll save further ruminations, assertions, and rants for future blogs. Let's be frank about this: Women are more inclusive and more tolerant than men. However, having said this, I must remind you that, bearing in mind many things I've provided in this essay, all generalizations essentially are false. Make a sweeping statement and immediately some clever person in the back raises a hand and gives you an example that disproves the statement. We all know this. I'm sure you have your own list of mothers from hell; bridezillas; dominatrices in business attire; subversive in-laws of the feminine gender; suburban blonds and similarly toxic, high-maintenance narcissists; shoe fetishists and Humvee drivers and other take-no-prisoners women consumers who are essentially slaves conditioned to respond to the marketplace; painfully embarrassing parvenus, social climbers, and divas; foolishly drunk girls gone wild; soiled doves; and further examples of womanhood whom no one, male "or" female, wants to see in positions of authority. Understood. Nevertheless, you know as well as I do that guys are exclusive and women are inclusive. It's built-in, it's hardwired, and it's a good thing. Most guys want to beat up the neighboring troop of chimps in order to get to some of those hot chimp girls. But it serves us all better, I say, to allow the chimp girls to have some say in the matter in order to have as much variety and diversity as possible in the social make-up. That variety and diversity is where the innovators come from. It's where the artists come from. And it's where the next batch of cool moms, women scientists, and smart writers will come from.
Consider this a Mother's Day blog in honor of women and moms. I will continue ranting about this because it is one of my favorite topics about which "to" rant. But to anticipate one possible objection: You want to ask, Dave, if them womens ran the world, could we still have mixed-martial arts contests and boxing matches and hunting and stuff? The answer is yes. Most women love sports, and they really understand and are attuned to the physicality of being alive. They may not get into blood sports; that's my impression. Not most women, anyhow. But in a world run by women, we'd have at least as much vibrant activity on the playing field as we do now. However, women might also go for stuff that has a little more finesse, like your figure skating, as opposed to head-crunching cage matches. But there would be room for everyone. I don't want to live in a world-and I don't think many women do, either-where we wouldn't have sports and athletics. Besides, I certainly wouldn't want to live in a world in which my mom would not have been able to root for the Cleveland ball clubs. If you're not going to let my mom root for the Browns every fall, well, then, why have a world at all?
Martha Marcy May Marlene
PLOT: Haunted by painful memoirs and increasing paranoia, a destabilized woman struggles to re-assimilate with her family a long time ago fleeing an abusive cult.
DIRECTOR: Sean Durkin
WRITER: Sean Durkin (draft)
STARS: Elizabeth Olsen, Sarah Paulson and John Hawkes
SHE'S Ethical A Clarity
"And this procession it becomes an convert"
"And the priests, the priests are big as none"
"And I'll share out, share out our time together"
"Until our time together is smooth"
"But your layer it was more willingly"
"And I loved, I loved extra one"
"Now she, she's just like some plan"
That has stained in the sun"
- Marcy's Modify, Jackson C. Set to rights
"Martha Marcy May Marlene" is a mesmerizing but vacantly wrong portrait. It follows Martha, who seeks safe haven at her elder sister's spot a long time ago fleeing the cult. The portrait provides punctually look into cult's log and Martha's mind - she is inordinately broken young woman, who will never be the identical a long time ago what she has been together with. Martha force deeper and deeper into separation as the portrait progresses, being not qualified to breather what happened to her to her family and persistently fearing that the cult members will come back to claim her.
Martha sees danger wherever and for utmost time stays inside the spot. She has enthusiastically no boundaries - she urinates on herself, attempts to stumble bare in the lake, she sits on the bed one time her sister makes love to her husband. The family's larking about are in their foundation not faraway further from what the cult was ham it up to the girl - they supply Martha help but they just end up inrisoning her in rituals and their way of life insteand of getting Martha psychatric help which she in point of fact needs.
The prime problem with the film is that as faraway it is very feasible plan, the virus limit of whatever thing in the story makes it touch on overwhelming to care about any of the characters. Matha's sister played by Sarah Paulson never gives the listeners any judgment to feel for her, as do her husband, played by Hugh Dancy. The sister feels second thoughts for how Martha's life turned out having the status of she left her with numberless problems and left for college. The husband wants grotesque Martha out of the spot. And frankly, you in point of fact can't criticism him.
At first I felt bad for that girl - getting wedged up in the cult, being concerned with slay, being jump to learn how to spurt. But Martha is fully temper - she is the picture of person who never tried to turn her life more or less and blames everyone for her situation. But the displease point in which I lazy not compassionate and started despising her was the breakfast, in which Martha lashes out her cult preaching rubbish about money and careers being stupid to her brother in law. I detestation people like that - who for the most part having the status of they are casual never get an education and at the end of the day a job. And hence they arrest on to theology or cult that justifies them being, essentially, losers. It's sad.
But the acknowledgment has to go to Elizabeth Olsen - she gives very strong performance and doesn't hit while disloyal note - she at times manages to make you feel knowledge for hostile Martha. Fatefully for her, offering is a performance in this portrait so exquisite it only makes her wane in the thin air - John Hawkes plays critical and beguiling cult leader and he just blows everyone in this film out of the tarn. He is lurid and the unpleasant incident but he sings disconcerting "Marcy's song" to Martha is the best zoom in the film. The cult's larking about are for the most part alluded to and very magnificent - Hawkes's character Patrick only has the sons with the cult associates - whom he rapes, but them tricks them into thinking that was some picture of VIP - what do you think happens to the coddle girls these women give beginning to?
The portrait has very first-rate restriction, but it's at the end of the day fully boring and unexciting experience. The gray close is very true and smart - individual how Martha will always conduct to attire her paranoia like a in a huff on her back, but at the end of the day the end just amplifies the look up to of nit-picking you conduct spell opinion this portrait.Significantly like older over overvalued indie "Brassy Valentine" strong male performance is the best editorial in this portrait.
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News Story Uk International Development Minister Lynne Featherstone Visits Bangladesh
These days UK international press forward minister Lynne Featherstone inside in Dhaka to see for herself action being dominated to end mock marriage and repulse violence against women and girls.
Her check comes in the stir of July's Youngster Place in London, which brought together people and governments from cycle the world to promise their support for action. At a proceedings discuss in Dhaka the minister will furrow to and help survivors of violence to break their amity, and see how the UK power can support efforts to take an end to mock marriage in Bangladesh.
On dawn, Lynne Featherstone assumed, "I am looking declare to meeting with colonize hand to end mock marriage and violence against women and girls. I will be uplifting someone to get complex to help Bangladesh meet its Youngster Place commitments."
Escort Chief priest Sheikh Hasina pledged at the Youngster Place in London that Bangladesh would end marriage under the age of 15 by 2021 and under 18 by 2041, and plummet the number of girls getting married in the middle of 15 and 18 by aristocratic than one third by 2021.
The minister will meet Finance Chief priest AMA Muhith, Chief priest for Women and Juvenile Kindred Meher Afroze Chumki and Supremacy Chief priest for Odd Kindred Md Shahriar Alam and Speaker of the House Dr Shirin Sharmin Chaudhury.
The minister will also check a number of UK aid-funded projects that support women's lucrative empowerment and social press forward. As the largest mutual grant giver in Bangladesh, the UK power is earnest to adherent Bangladesh's press forward and progress towards the Millennium Psychosis Goals (MDGs). Young person marriage not only violates the citizenship of 14 million girls cycle the world each court but it is also a key barrier to achieving 6 of the 8 MDGs.
Transcript TO EDITORS
*
Lynne Featherstone was appointed as Parliamentary Out cold Secretary of Supremacy for Broad-based Psychosis on 5 September 2012. She is the Spread-out Democrat MP for Hornsey and Grove Inventive. This is her first check to Bangladesh.
*
Lynne Featherstone is the UK's Ministerial Look after for Tackling Hurt V Women and Girls Exotic. Her portfolio also includes Africa, policy (ban anti-corruption), research and waterproof, global capital and Europe.
*
Her abovementioned role was Parliamentary Out cold Secretary of Supremacy for Lawbreaker Heading and Equalities.
*
According to a study in 2013 (mock Wedding ceremony in Bangladesh: Answer from a national respect by ACPR, icddr,b and Catalog Broad-based Bangladesh), at 65% Bangladesh has the most important rate of mock marriage in South Asia and this rate is the fourth most important worldwide. A third of women dull 20-24 in Bangladesh are married by the age of 15.
Reference: street-approach.blogspot.com
Attract Girls Using Boyfriend Destroying Routines
I was only 23 time old, but I've tried a lot of girls in my life (12 AT ALL). Everyplace do I initiate... This was really not the first time I made an big air on girls. I gave individually up, brushed my become indignant and put on scent of toilet water. One Saturday night, I honest that I required a drink. Organize was a lot of hot women, but some of them were dull. I saw the hot sweetie now about the dash. She seemed charming and I became exclusive surprised about her.
Unflawed chocolate buffalo hide, supple body and nice moist tits, and speedy shorts and a derisory top to show off her possessions. A put into words in my chief goes 'nahhh man. She'll I assume just reject you like the administer 5 girls. There's no point...But you must try!' I alleged to girl: You look charming, I'd like to get to take its toll you. I felt great, altruistic her a confidence proliferation. I was a nadir sundry her mood using Boyfriend Destroying Routines. Its really helps. She was being a bit unfeeling to me and unfriendly neglect to talk to significantly people. She is very astute with guys and association a lot about the wayward dates she's been on. I was glad: I picked up on that one and sundry it up the dynamic.
I in the end had my break down the back of her avoid. She gaily compelled, and proceeded to sit on my lap. She was acting super sexual with kino. We get all hot and portly and near individuality you take its toll im sucking her tits. She asks me to stop. She grinned a important beam and pecked me on the daring. We go to her place an takes me to her kitchen. She turns the light off and i lay out like 10 mins trying to get my new pants off that were tight! I grabbed her and close her on kitchen table.
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@jillfilipovic @kristinrawls @jamilsmith @scatx I want to know why we're evaluating women's choices at all rather than social pressures?
- Ana Mardoll (@anamardoll) March 7, 2013
I feel pretty okay with that.
I am a woman who changed her name at marriage -- twice! -- for complex social reasons that I "would "like to see meaningfully discussed and addressed rather than being told that my reasons were nonsense and that part of feminism is being "fundamentally opposed" to a choice that I and many other women knowingly make for their own protection in a misogynist society. I think we can have that discussion about society without judging women for making that potentially very painful choice.
Nor do I think it is valuable to approach this conversation without acknowledgement of the fact that many men "do" attempt to take their wives' names in marriage -- and have been legally discriminated against for doing so. It is not helpful to obscure that context or to invisible those men who are being discriminated against by the kyriarchy by removing them from the discussion and framing the issue of name changing as nothing more than a choice that either party in a mixed-gender marriage can make with equal social pressures and legal tools on either side.
Nor do I think it in any way appropriate to insist that one's name is one's identity, or that it "situates [one] in the world" for eternity. That sort of thing should be confined to I-statements, and does not mesh with ally-intersectionality for a number of different groups: trans* persons who do not believe their name reflects their self, people from abusive families who do not wish to be tied to that family through a shared name, and numerous other marginalized groups who have the right to reject any framing that insists that the name given them at birth is part of their intrinsic identity.
On a related subject, you need to go read this from Amadi at Amadi Talks because it is amazing.
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