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Origin: pickup-for-girls.blogspot.com

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Reference: dating-coach-anita.blogspot.com

This weekend's session was on modelling. In NLP this is quite the opposite of strutting your stuff!

This is all about learning something from someone else by getting inside their way of thinking about it. I found the most revelatory aspect of this to be the way we assume that everyone does things the same way we do. An example we played with to practice our modelling techniques was "How I get out of bed in the morning". What I found particularly interesting is that I remember when I was studying psychology, the same example was used as a stable representation of human behaviour!

In psychology, everyone wakes up because their cortisol levels start to rise about an hour before they wake up. This gets the brain active after sleep and sends signals to the rest of the body that it can start working on breakfast, or moving, or putting on clothes etc.

In psychology the system for getting out of bed is a cause-effect process: I am awake, therefore I get out of bed.

Now I know I'm oversimplifying. And I'm not suggesting that eminent psychologists are not aware that there are thought processes in between the "I am awake" and the "I get out of bed" stages. But I thought it was a nice comparison between the subject matters of psychology and NLP: Where psychology is the relationship, NLP is the gaps in between the letters of the word "relationship".

So back to modelling: I'm excited by this. John Seymour's analogy for it is about the pieces of the puzzle and how they fit together to form the overall picture. I suppose this is why I like this bit of NLP the most so far: it's tangible. I can actually write a list of codes that correspond to what type of thought a person has and copy that code to end up with the same behaviour.

Is it really that simple?

Well I'm not sure yet. Every behaviour that we do is loaded with our own preconceptions and judgements about that behaviour. I'm not sure to what extent we can overcome ourselves in order to feel comfortable doing something another way. I'm told that we can, and I have seen a number of examples where people have done just that. So I'm embarking on a modelling project where I need to go away and model someone on a behaviour of my choosing. Let's see if I can be my own proof!



Source: mark-rayan-pua.blogspot.com

* 17 Things Thrilled Culture Say Each and every one Day Inc.com

http://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/17-things-happy-people-say-every-day.html

17 Things Thrilled Culture SAY Each and every one DAY

There's an easy-to-articulate, hard-to-implement best practice previously it comes to how to teach yourself to be happy. It stems from the grasp that the positive items you do for far-off people on a regular basis rebound back to convey positivity in your own life. In effect, take action squat items to make far-off people happy can favorably improve "your" happiness.

Induce sense? Dowry are two theories at work. The first is that focusing on others creates joy of its own submission. The second is that as you prepare in educational others' happiness, you'll meander up with happier, director in somebody's debt people expression you. They'll find you attractive and desirable, which in turn can lead them to treat you in a brand that produces alike director happiness.

It's easier understood than extreme, but promisingly, there's a dedicated shortcut. Your words are in the middle of your greatest tools, so you can put up with an outsize effect on others bluntly by thinking about what you say every day and making an relocate to be every one "positive" and "aim". Dowry are perceptible inspiring items that "absolutely" happy people find themselves saying to others all the time. Try making an relocate to say a few of these every day for a week. You'll be taken aback at how the positivity you convey improves your happiness.

1. "I'M Thrilled TO SEE YOU."

This is the best basic and attractive affection you can healthy to another human being--that bluntly being in the person's presence creates a positive feeling. Whether you're telling an administer that you need his skills, that you plus point his opinions, or just that you think he's good company, you've begun an interaction on a very high note. How can that not dream up some level of happiness in the far-off person?

2. "I'M "Habitually" Thrilled TO SEE YOU."

Inducement the former away a step enhancement. This is the limit of best relationship advice--that you requirement never take a personal stern action and aim that it's important of someone's excellent way of acting. Vastly, turn that on its originally, by expressing that it's not just this interaction that has produced positive feelings but minimally all road and rail network with this person. It's an splendidly agreeable venture to grasp.

3. "Get better Seeing that YOU..."

Astonish a person by bringing up a positive venture that she did in the departed, and you're as good as spring to start off a positive fulfil. Doubtless it's a banter the person told that you're still pleased about; possibly it's a small act of bravery she performed. Regardless, if it's whatever thing she care was long ancient history, learning that whatever thing she did made a positive, substantial impression on a person overly is an sensationalist experience.

4. "YOU Clout NOT Catch on THIS, BUT..."

This an alike director burly style of the former hint, provided you come together the term with a classification of how the person's events led to a positive newborn. It's one venture to learn that far-off people mark the enthusiastic items you've done; it's another venture decent to learn that you're having a positive effect on far-off people without alike realizing it.

5. "YOU Really Disturb ME."

This is ending to "I'm happy to see you" and "I'm ad infinitum happy to see you," except that it focuses on items that the person "does", somewhat than his or her existential being. Outlying variations bear "You are unaffected great at..." or "Culture love that you..." Simply be aim and personal. "You're unaffected great at soothing traumatic situations" or "Culture love that you ad infinitum put up with the best music." It can be whatever, as long as it's utter and absolutely positive, and it's spring to augment positive reactions.

6. "YOU Really Stamped ME "Seeing that"..."

Focusing on personal events or endeavors can be alike director troublesome. It resources that you're not only thinking abstractly but put forward cooperation that items the far-off person does heighten positive reactions. It's the difference amongst saying that a comedian was unaffected funny and quoting one of his or her best jokes. (Outlying versions: "You handled that well previously you turned that client's complain into an fall foul of" or "It was unaffected far-flung to see how you parallel-parked that car into that concise defect.")

7. "I Hope IN YOU."

Culture put up with self-doubts. You do, I do, we all do. (Heck, every time I sketch a espousal here--and this is number 167, by the way--I miracle how people will reply.) Seeing that others bluntly say they believe in you, nevertheless, it becomes easier to believe in yourself.

Here's an resemblance. Control you ever gotten into bracing weights, or bluntly watched people do it? It's sensationalist how the smallest amount bit of stanchion from a spotter--with browbeat flush to the pressure of a pencil--can help a person unplanned far director pressure than he possibly will on his own. It's the extraordinarily theory here--just that small remark of confidence can core people to score more--and then to be appreciative for the help.

8. "View HOW FAR YOU'VE COME!"

It is so important to smear achievements. This doesn't mean you put up with to convey a party, but alike acknowledging that someone's pains put up with achieved have a spat can be very agreeable for the person.

Of well up, heck, if you want to take items to the farthest, convey a party. Four-sided figure be regular that you're the one retail the first heat up and lyrics the loudest.

9. "I Encounter YOU'RE Useful OF Above."

Anyone needs to be pushed at times, extraordinarily previously we fall brief. If you care about people, you're departure to be called on sometimes to be a bit of a coach, or possibly to assistance a bit of hard love. Horizontal the best vigorous and bold in the middle of us sometimes need a friend to guide them to a better way of acting.

The late, great NFL coach Vince Lombardi put this best: "Decree is getting a person to do what they don't want to do, to score what they want to score." Secret message does whatever great originally, so be the one standing by to help, and you'll create positivity and appreciation.

10. "I'D Dear TO Entertain YOUR Viewpoint A propos..."

Anyone likes to think that his or her opinions matter, and of well up they do--sometimes. On the other hand, this manner of invitation to team what a person thinks can't help making the person feel just a concise bit director self-worth, which in turns creates every one happiness and positive feelings headed for you. Four-sided figure be regular to be sincere; don't just say this for the sake of saying it. Induce regular that you are absolutely probing in at all dominated you're asking about and concentrate tirelessly.

11. "Make out ME Above."

This is the best action to the go on with introduce. It tells the far-off person that you're listening, and that you find plus point in what he or she is saying. The musician and author Peter Ustinov as soon as understood that the greatest toll he ever acknowledged took place previously he was uneasy he had helpless on too long in a conversation with Fundamental Preacher Margaret Thatcher, only to put up with her tell him, "Allure complete."

12. "I TOOK YOUR Notion."

OK, it's as good as too easy at this point. Companion asking someone's opinion and indicating that the person has had weight on your life and you've provided him with two of the best agreeable, basic experiences of the human property.

It doesn't matter unaffected whether you tried a new canteen on the far-off person's advice, followed his hint on how to begin an important conversation, or started getting up 15 report earlier for a week when he understood it was a good idea. Simply being listened to and having weight makes people feel better. Beyond points if his hint bent a positive corollary, but you'll get respect regardless. (Related: "You were right.")

13. "I'M Unmanageable."

Say this previously you mean it--when you've extreme whatever thing sense expressing regret for or the far-off person deserves contract. On the other hand, don't wash it down by using it previously you don't mean it. In fact, one author made a dedicated have words emphatically that the word is so overused that it neediness to be retired. That would be a discredit, but it underscores how people enjoy this word previously it's aim, and how it annoys them previously it isn't.

14. "I'D Dear TO BE Above Dear YOU."

Now you've got it--you're expressing positivity headed for far-off people as good as naturally, pointing out not only items that they do well but possibly alike items they do better than you do.

If you want to see a affection ending to this work very highly, watch the 1997 see "As Vigorous As It Gets". Or overly, just read this brief bit of talk in which Jack Nicholson's character offers Helen Hunt's character the last compliment: "You make me want to be a better man."

15. "THANK YOU."

It's not that distant of a make wider to aim that every far-off introduce on this list is in fact a form of "thank you." This is absolutely one of the best troublesome, underrated phrases in the English language. It packs a heck of a whack, in a circle positivity and weight in two squat syllables. (By the way, confidence for reading this far into this espousal. Doubtless if you team it with others, they'll thank you, too.)

16. "YOU'RE Treatment."

Not "yep." Not "no problem" or "no reservations." Say "You're realize."

More accurately of deflecting another person's confidence, as some of these far-off phrases do, saying "you're realize" dignifies the person's appreciation. It acknowledges that yes, you did do whatever thing worthy, or nice, or positive for someone--because you believe that she's sense it.

17. "NO."

There's one small woo in this excellent mode of remark, and this word is your definite. The danger is that sometimes people who make far-off grassroots happiness their position can meander up take action so at the law of their own happiness. We all rally some people who take manage, or who bluntly aren't departure to be happy no matter what your pains turn to.

Two squat letters, and yet they can be so troublesome. Peak important, they evince that you care for yourself, which is a key necessity to affectionate absolutely for far-off people. Obtain this one in your back pocket; use it previously simple. You'll find that the best positive and happy people you blend together with respect you for take action so--and that can make you happy, too.

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Cattle farm adjoining time,

Michael Stalk

Interracial, Biracial, mixed relationships are all words describing a partnership of two persons with different skin color.

WHO AM I?

Well I am a white British male married to a black African woman. We have been married for five years and we have a beautiful 12 month old daughter.

WHY WRITE ABOUT INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS?

Simply put because I think many of us are missing out on what could be perfect partnerships with those of another race from ourselves. What I'm going to do is explain the in's and out's of dating between white Caucasian and black African backgrounds, although the same can be applied to dating other races too. For those not sure about this idea hopefully I can encourage you to give it ago and look for love with some amazing people you would never have thought about dating before.

STUMBLING BLOCKS

Firstly some people think they are just not into the appearance of another race but I urge you to think what difference is there really? Are you sure the features are unattractive or is there something going on at a deeper level telling you it's not right?

Once in a mixed race relationship, it's not all plan sailing there are difficulties with dating another race. Fact is, you are going against the grain of our ancestors. The history of slavery is still ripe within many people and they will meet you with adversary.

What I'm talking about is usually small subtle things, frowns, a strange look in the street, laughing, whispering to friends, without sounding paranoid it's common for myself and my wife to pick up on strangers doing these things.

This happens in shops, restaurants any public place really, and what do we do? The best thing we can do ignore them and show em we are having a good time.

POSITIVES

Your social network enlarges. I know this happens with any relationship. But you are more likely to have relatives in other countries and so you now have new places to visit, go on holiday and explore!

And not only sample but experience the culture first hand. For example, I've fallen in love with traditional African food.

Also you will find your being invited to new events, parties, cultural festivals or other family gatherings.

Your enlarging you cultural perspective and identity and you will learn new things about yourself.

Fact is, interracial relationships fly's in the face of racism and the idea of separation and superiority between races. Why do you think people frown or laugh at my relationship with a black African woman or vice-versa?

Maybe we need to realize that being in a stable, loving and prosperous relationship is what matters and put attitudes of skin color aside.

IN SUMMARY

In summary, dating interracially is a wonderful opportunity to immerse yourself in another culture, meet people you would never normally get the chance to meet and I truly believe play a role in creating a better world.

Source: pickup-and-love.blogspot.com

People who say they like honesty in a friend are lying or misguided, because although it's one thing to hear a friend's opinion on a skirt or pair of shoes, it's quite another when they have a quiet word about your behavior at the office party, or hairy upper lip. Erica Jong says we ask for advice when we know the answer and wish we didn't, and I think we often ask for opinions when we want to hear what we want to hear.

Just how honest do you get with friends? It is true that more often then not, it's best to just keep your mouth shut, especially when someone is going to get hurt, and most especially if you've had too much to drink. More often the not things are not as simple as they seem, and a lot of things need to be weighed up before you go rushing in head-first to play rescuer. Fact: most people don't need to be rescued.

But where exactly do you draw the line? If you overhear a group of people you work with being bitchy about a colleague and friend, which may affect their position, do you tell them? Or worse, what if you hear someone's job is in danger? I'm not talking about idle gossip around the coffee machine either, but hard and fast facts. Or what about the age-old one; what if you are out one night and see a friend of yours boyfriend (whom she's madly in love with) kissing another girl. Do you tell her?

When I was a teenager, I found out through my best friends that my sister's fianc'e was in fact having an affair with not one but two of my girlfriends. My friends had clearly deliberated about whether or not to tell me, as I later learnt they had known for some time. The fianc'e in question was not my friend and I could very well have gone straight to my sister and told her what a lying so and so she was involved with. More so, I was furious that he had had the audacity to cheat on her with two of my friends, and I was equally devastated that they could do that to her, and by association me.

It was an awful mess made up of a lot of intricate lies which extended into all sorts of other areas. I thought it through, taking into account the huge atom bomb I was about to set off, and how devastated my sister would be, and decided to confront him. He didn't deny anything, and I asked him if he would like to tell her, because if he didn't I most certainly would. He replied with a shocking display of indifference, by merely shrugging his shoulders and saying, "I guess not." It really made my decision that much easier, and I broke the news to my sister as gently as I could. She moved out that day and naturally called off the engagement.

In this case I think I did the right thing, in as much as I gave him the opportunity to tell her himself. Also, his lack of any visible remorse for his actions or her feelings, revealed that I had in fact made the right decision, though it was by no means an easy one. I'm not sure what a valid excuse might have been in this instance (not one, but two girls!), but he offered none, and throughout the whole exchange wore a rather annoying grin on his face.

I'm glad to say my sister moved on to better things (and boyfriends), and her lovely heart was mended that much quicker, after an extensive web of deceit was uncovered in the wreckage of that relationship. Her ex turned out not only to be unfaithful, but a thoroughly unpleasant sort, and certainly not someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Years later, a friend of mine was dating someone who completely used her, and treated her as a personal maid, and retirement option. He was unpleasant to her children, her friends, and increasingly unpleasant to her. One day she asked me what I thought of him, and I told her. We had a big fight about it, and I left feeling terrible thinking, "Why didn't I just keep my big mouth shut?!?" Some time later she ended the relationship and booted him out. She told me that what I had said, she had known for some time, but wasn't quite ready to hear, and admit to herself. I also think her reasons for asking me in the first place were based on an unconscious desire to hear what she herself already knew, and wanted confirmed.

She said (in retrospect) she appreciated my honesty, as a lot of her other friends had said nothing, and had let her continue with this chap, no doubt looking rather foolish. I don't think anyone thought she looked foolish, only that she was far too good for him and could do better. Ah, but how can you say this to someone, even when the guy/girl they are with is so terrible in everyone's eyes but their own?

And in the case of abusive relationships this can be even more difficult. When you see a sibling or friend making hypothetical excuses for their bruises (physical and or mental) with an embarrassed and somewhat terrified smile on their face, what do you do? Some people would say to leave well enough alone, and that your friend or sibling will eventually come to their senses and do the right thing. But how many more slaps and punches before they do, and what if a beating goes too far, and it's too late? It all sounds terribly dramatic, but these things happen, and in some cases, it is only because of a friend's honesty that people are able to leave these abusive relationships.

My own experience was less dramatic, but no less terrifying. After a particularly unpleasant and frightening incident, I called my sister. She returned the favour of honesty, and ordered me to pack my things and leave my partner pronto - she spared me any pleasantries or pop psychology. It was the best thing I ever did, and I am eternally grateful to her for her strong no-bullshit approach in that situation, which is exactly what I needed in my confused and fragile state. Had she not been so blunt, I would have lingered on in what was fast becoming an abusive relationship, and god knows where that would have led.

When it comes to honesty, I think there are a few things that need to be considered. Firstly, and most importantly, check your reasons for telling someone something. A lot of the time people may be honest to make themselves feel better about something, rather then wanting to help or be straight with others.

Also, make sure that what you are about to say is in fact going to be a benefit to someone. Sometimes, some things are best left unsaid as the alternative is serious damage. An example of this may be a mistake someone made, which is not necessarily a pattern of behavior. I heard of a woman who while on business got horribly drunk and slept with someone she met in a bar. She had a strong marriage and loved her husband and family, and was devastated and wracked with guilt. The advice columnist she wrote to told her that provided this was a once-off drunken mistake, why completely disrupt her family? Whether or not you agree with this I don't know, but I saw the logic in the columnists' advice. I do hope she had an Aids/STD check before retuning to the maternal bed however.

Always, check your facts, and make sure you are not acting on gossip and rumor. Do a lot of groundwork to find out as much about a situation as possible before diving in. Some things can be complicated and a lot more involved then what we might think. At a stork party I once attended, a woman started giving another party-goer diet tips, only to discover she had quite a severe glandular problem.

Be tactful, be gentle, and be kind. From telling a friend that she may want to choose a dress that has a better cut (read: makes her butt look less big), to letting him know that his girlfriend actually fancies girls. In fact most recently I was trying on an underthing at Victoria's Secret and came out of the changing room to get a full view of how it made my dress look. An older American lady complimented me on the dress, and in the nicest possible way said to me, "But that underwear really doesn't do anything for it, I hope you don't mind me saying so." I didn't and I agreed with her, and it helped me make up my mind that much quicker. Had she said something like, "You are far too fat for the beautiful dress my dear, I hope you don't mind, " I think things might have turned out a bit differently.

And finally, above all else, unless absolutely necessary, never give an opinion unless asked for one. As hard as it may be to believe, someone may not care for your opinion on a particular subject (this one I have learnt the hard way and am still learning it), and also, when you have that inevitable fight, it's that much easier to be able to yell back, "But you asked me!"

Credit: umad-dating-advices.blogspot.com

You are in luck my friend. When it comes to how to attract women, looks don't really matter to girls. Most people have the common misconception that looks might actually be a factor, though that is so far from the truth. If you are living into that idea, than it's most likely the biggest reason, as to why you aren't attracting women into your life in the first place.

Let's break down exactly why looks aren't what women find attractive in men. What do you think men are attracted to in women?

You may just think that it's looks that men find to be what generates attraction from men to women. Some of it may actually be visual. Though, it's not. From an evolutionary psychology stand point, we are led to believe that men are attracted to woman not exactly for their looks. What men are actually attracted to in women, are signs of youth and fertility. She doesn't necessarily have to be young and or fertile, though if she demonstrates the energy and optimism of someone who does possess these traits, than she will be highly attractive to men.

This is because, as men we know that if we were to find someone who had youthful energy and was able to have a child, the child will be beautiful and healthy as well. Beautiful and healthy people, have an advantage in life, typically being given privileges in life, like higher pay, and self-assurance. To have kids that knew how to make themselves be happy, would make your life as a father, a success.

Now, what do women find to be attractive in men? What are women attracted to in men? They are attracted to personal value and social status. Social status, meaning having the potential to provide and protect with ease. This doesn't mean the guy has to have a lot of money, though it does mean he has to possess the traits of someone who could have financial stability. Someone who is well-off financially tends to be confident and happy. If you are a man who is confident and happy well then you possess the traits of someone who has social status.

What you have to understand that, is that however you first portray yourself to people is how they will believe you to actually be. The same goes for yourself. If you are wanting to have a lot of money, instead of worrying so much about what you want to have, it would be better to identify how someone who has a lot of money acts in the world. How does that person, make people around him feel? How do people receive him. If you can play into being a person who has money, then it will be a lot easier for you to actually take the actions into what will make you the money.

Now, not only is social status what is attractive, also is personal value. Personal value essentially is, how much you believe you deserve. People that feel as if they deserve the best, tend to get the best. Most men, work backwards and believe they need social status before getting personal value. This is completely invalid. It would be better to go about getting personal value in order to gain social status.

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This article was originally written by our awesome friend, Kevin Salas.