While many people choose to learn NLP due to its awesome persuasion skills, often people miss the point in being a certified NLP practitioner.

The idea behind NLP is the ability to get you to become a massive modeling machine. You learn, adapt and enhance your skill and knowledge further. Most people simply deem the NLP practitioner certificate as a qualification alone. In fact many people are touting NLP as the way to success.

While I don't dispute it can help people with success, it has gotten sickening to see that there are people who use it like a magic silver bullet. Most of these people don't even know what the entire system of NLP is in the first place. Hence, their methodology is skewed to one direction, causing students to be unable to use NLP beyond a narrow set of skills.

Becoming an NLP practitioner is about hunting down useful skill to improve one's abilities and become more powerful in achieving results. But that's half the story. You can also maximize the use of such tools to make a difference in the world.

I've seen highly inflexible and intolerant so-called NLP practitioners. Even at a crossroads of choices, some choose the safe path while being critical, nasty or even rude. I think the job of an NLP practitioner is to elevate the standard of flexibility in working with self first. If you can't get yourself under control and check your own ability to open up, consider new possibilities and achieve new goals, then what's the point of learning NLP?

Key point is this: keep within a learning group that is diverse and celebrates changes and improvements. Often, without this kind of culture, learning ceases while people think more of themselves than they really are. There is social myopia.

Expose yourself to more opportunities to manage yourself and your experiences. If this means getting yourself to do something uncomfortable, then do it. It will merely be a matter of time before it becomes the new norm and you can look back realizing you have learned and grown.

If all that NLP does is to do this, I think you would have added a lot of value to the world, starting from the people closest to you.

Reference: womanizer-psychology.blogspot.com

Neuro Linguistic Programming - a commonsense system of everyday psychology

That is a statement right off the back cover of Neuro-linguistic Programming for Dummies, which is a pretty good beginner NLP book.

Oh, and if you don't know already, NLP is short for Neuro Linguistic Programming. And, if you are new to Neuro Linguistic Programming, then good for you, you're about to discover a whole new and exciting world for yourself.

So, getting back to my "Neuro Linguistic Programming - commonsense system of everyday psychology" title, you see, that's the problem I think. It's all in the word - commonsense.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM

Common sense, as my Mac dictionary states is "good sense and sound judgment in practical matters", and from Wikipedia defined by Merriam-Webster as, "sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts."

And when you hear the term common sense, don't you immediately think that it's a sensible thing that's common, common enough that we all do it?

Well, allow me to enlighten you with a term straight from my first economics class at St. Mary's University, and that is All Things Being Equal...

THEY AREN'T!

Here's the thing, again taking it straight from the Merriam-Webster quote - "sound and prudent judgment" - well, according to who? You see, your judgment is based on your personal years of experience and is not identical to anyone else.

Using the last statement as a good example, I should have said, "according to whom", but my years of personal experience using NLP says it's more effective to use "who" rather than whom.

If judgment were a simple thing we would all agree with each other about everything, but we don't, do we? And you can probably recall a recent disagreement to prove that, can't you?

But let's not stop there, the rest of the Merriam-Webster meaning is just as important and misleading. They say, "Based on a simple perception of the situation or facts". Well, the world would be a more agreeable place if we all had the same perception of a situation or facts, would you agree?

Wouldn't that mean no more endangered species, the end of global warming, the end of war. Heck, we wouldn't even have any arguments at home or work anymore, would we?

YOU MUST AGREE WITH "ME!"

But then again, what if we all agreed with the other person's thinking? Hmmm...

Well, rather than wish for the impossible, why don't we try to understand why people think as they do? What causes them to think in a way so different from us, and, when we know that, then we can start to be effective in changing how they - or we - think.

Because, Neuro Linguistic Programming - NLP - is all about transformation. Transforming your thinking so you, and others, can lead a healthier, wealthier, happier life.

The post Neuro Linguistic Programming - a commonsense system of everyday psychology appeared first on Life Potential Developments.

Origin: datingforaverageguys.blogspot.com

In an age when most individuals do their socializing on the internet, it is comprehensible how it can be nerve wracking to chat to girls or even to try and get a date. If you are nervous about speaking to women, or perhaps just need 1 or 2 tips to get a conversation going, then these are some laws you can follow which will definitely be of service to you.

The first thing you must do is change your mind-set. More frequently than not the toughest problem men have with chatting to ladies is putting them on a unrealistic pedestal and thinking of them as judgmental. The truth is that ladies are equally as human as you are, and they are not searching for you to goof up a chat. Put simply, talk to ladies like you would talk with anyone else. Otherwise you will come off as either ungainly, or it will be obvious you are looking out for a date (and not in a great way).

You need to also remember the most cliche piece of guidance that anybody can give you: Be yourself. This is going to be the most contrived or overused asserting in history, but when you break it down its the best advice you can use. If you talk to a lady under false pretenses and find a way to get a date, then you essentially lied to her. And if she picks up on the proven fact that you lied in the middle of the date, it's game over. You will get a lot further in the conversation by being the best of yourself.

The most important thing for you to do when beginning a chat with a lady is just that: Beginning the conversation. Breaking the ice is the hardest step, essentially because everything depends on the introduction. The most effective way to destroy the ice is to be subtle. Just throwing out a greeting and then your name out of nowhere can be clumsy. Instead find something to comment on, ideally something that you actually have an interest in. For instance, if you see the girl is carrying a book on a subject you know a little about, ask her about it. Keep it casual.

One move thats overused these days is leaping into a chat the woman is having with someone else. It is one thing if youre invited into the conversation, but if you hop into the conversation, particularly if you dont know any person else thats talking, it wont only come off as clumsy but also rude. And being rude will never get you a date. Instead, try and initiate a conversation with her on your own.

It is important to keep under consideration that getting a date may take more than one conversation. Laying a pleasant foundation will usually get you better results, and it also gives you time to test the waters on whether or not you legitimately like the woman's company. But always keep in mind that making a solid impression is vital.

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Why do men suffer more after breakups?

A new poll conducted by Matchmaker.com, Amor.com and Date.com found that 85% of men get depressed and upset after a breakup and don't date for a long time thereafter. Only 8% of women felt the same way.

I could've told you that. For some reason, men are once bitten, twice shy, while women pick themselves up, dust themselves on, and get on with it.

Of course, online daters don't represent all daters in general; but men who gravitate towards online dating sites usually do so because they are more rejection sensitive than ever and their egos are frail after being dumped.

Dr. Keith Ablow says that men and women suffer equally when it comes to feeling alone, but women vent their frustrations and move on whilst men bottle up their emotions and harbor resentment and hurt.

This in no way suggests that women want men to start crying and talking about their feelings; what it might suggest is that perhaps men need to suck it up and move on. Have your moment, perhaps even start an anonymous blog to vent your feelings, but for Pete's sake, get on with it.

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It can be tough raising a little one all on your own. Even if the other parent is involved in the child's life, you are still handling your end completely by your lonesome. Now, this is certainly a common feat that's tackled daily in our modern day world. The whole single parent raising a child has been done and done over again. However, what about dating for single parents? This is an issue that often goes unaddressed. Are you a single parent who dates? Or are you one that completely avoids the dating game, and always has since you and your spouse split? One thing is for certain; dating for single parents is nothing like it was back when I was a kid. So much has changed regarding the notion of communication.

Back when i was around five years of age, my parents split up. It's the same old story we've all heard time and time again. It's so cliche in fact, that it almost makes me shake my head and snicker. Basically my father was unhappy, and decided to pursue another woman who shared his marital dissatisfaction. In no time at all, my father was telling my mother that he was leaving her for another woman. Does this sound cliche yet? Why didn't the dude just buy a sports car like many men do when they hit the age of 40? Anyway, my mother did the thing that many disgruntled mothers do; she took us three kids and ran.

There was no way in hell that she was going to let my father have us. The funny thing was that this was back in the 80s; therefore the courts agreed with her having custody. Many years later my mother had still not dated a single man.

The world of dating for single parents was unknown to her. She told me once when I was in college that it was difficult to find a man when you already have three children. This made me sad to say the least. On some level my father ruined her life. Regardless, not every single parent has to endure a life of solitude. There is such a thing as dating for single parents. You just have to get out there and take a gander at what's available. Actually you don't have to go anywhere at first. You see, it all begins online.

Isn't it time you explored the world of dating for single parents? Hop on your laptop and check out the many sites that offer online dating. In no time at all you could be chatting it up with other singles just like yourself. Dating for single parents does exist, and all you need is a computer to get started.

Reference: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com

You've recently met someone special. You 'clicked' from the very first moment you met and there seemed to be a terrific soul connection between you. Since then you've been spending almost every spare moment together. Perhaps they've already told you they love you and have even mentioned plans for the future on a couple of occasions. Everything seemed to be unfolding beautifully but now, six to eight weeks along something's changed. Perhaps they're not returning your texts or calls like they used to - or you're just not spending as much time together and they seem a little distant when you do. Or maybe they've told you they feel you need to 'cool' it for a bit even though they care about you. What's going on and what should you do?

First of all, let go of the idea you've done something wrong. Psychologists now know that the six to eight week mark in a new relationship is a crucial period for the relationship's evolution. It's the time when serious soul ties are made - the relationship now has to evolve to a deeper level - or not. The other aspect to consider is that if you've just been dating for a couple of months and things have moved very fast there is a tendency to 'future project'. After all, if you've been spending every spare moment in each other's company during the past few weeks where will you be in another six weeks' time? Living together? Married with a mortgage? Sometimes one or both partners can panic and pull back because things just seem to be moving too fast.

If this all sounds familiar what can you do?

DON'T - panic. And above all, if your new partner is acting a little distant don't bombard them with emails, texts or phone calls asking if they are okay or worse, gifts to 'win' back their interest. You'll come over as needy or desperate - not a good look.

DO - get busy. And if you partner suggests you see each other a little less, agree. Tell them that you love being with them but that your family and friends must think you've been kidnapped! If your partner sees that you acknowledge the situation this takes the pressure off both of you. Now call your friends and get back to your interests. Relationships need variety and balance in which to thrive ad chances are when your partner realises they have space within your relationship they will get closer again.

DON'T - agree to being just 'friends' or 'friends with benefits' if you're looking for a long-term relationship.

DO - explain calmly that just 'friends' did not appear to be what you were and that as you are looking for something more serious and long-term, it appears you both want different things. This is a hard one especially if you've developed serious feelings for someone. But you have to understand that if they are suggesting you radically change the deal that appears to be on the table, they will not change their minds later. They could be emotionally unavailable on some level. By stating what you want and being firm on this you stand a better chance of getting what you need - and you emerge with your self-respect intact. If your partner doesn't agree then chances are they would never be able to give you what you needed in the long term anyway - so better to find out sooner rather than later.

So what is the soul-growth opportunity here? When we enter into a relationship with another we are not only getting to know them but discovering a new facet of ourselves. We are changed as we discover this. If your new love wants some space, see this as an opportunity to integrate what you've learned about how you are in relationships - and that includes the ones you may have been neglecting! It also serves to remind you how you are in the one relationship that lasts a lifetime - the one you have with yourself. The people we fall in love with are just reflections of the love we have inside ourselves all the time. So be the lover you want to be in love with and chances are, your outer love will reflect just that back at you.

Origin: mark-rayan-pua.blogspot.com

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Lately, it seems that a few friends of mine are going through some rough breakups or having a hard time dealing with a past relationship. My motto has always been to weed your garden before jumping into a new bed of flowers -I even wrote that in my book, however as I go through life and see what other people are going through, as well as what I've gone through myself, I'm learning that the other side of the spectrum isn't so shabby. While it's true that most people need distractions while they are mourning over a broken relationship, they also need their hearts distracted too, in my opinion. I think casual dating is a great way to distract the mind and heart from getting too torn up over one person who is no longer in their life. There are possibilities of rebound dating, however overall, I don't see 'casual dating' so bad, if taken slowly. The negative side effects of casual dating after broken relationships are: comparing the new person to your former love, bringing old baggage into the new one - possibly accusing them of things your ex has done in the past, or even picking someone that reminds you of the ex. That one is a killer. In this case, it almost seems impossible to heal completely. But, do we ever heal completely?

While it's healthy to 'talk it all out', and confide in a friend about your feelings, it also can be unhealthy too, perhaps even borderline obsessing over the ex, and I'll even go as far to say that it may be leaving your friend in an 'awkward therapist' type of feeling. God bless my close friends when I was going through my own breakups in the past. They put up with a lot, however, hindsight 20/20, I now see how much I overdid it, over-obsessed and had beaten the dead horse with a stick a million times. I also think that the person can't help themselves due to the overwhelming feelings going on inside them. There is no other feeling like a broken heart. It hurts like nothing else. Again, as I've said so many times before, it's comparable to a death of a loved one, with the only difference that your loved one who you had broken up with "chooses" not to be with you. (And of course depending on the situation.) The constant feeling of getting no closure, or receiving any forgiveness can be detrimental to the recovery, however not impossible if looked at in a different perspective. But, that's hard to do when you're in it. You can't see outside the box sometimes.

I'm a big believer in writing out all the pros and cons about the relationship, whether salvable or not. Sometimes it can reveal much more than you once realized. Most of the times, in my own personal experiences, I wondered why I settled so much in my past. You'll have days where all your thoughts about your ex are all positive. Take the list out. Read it again. Put your entire relationship into perspective. Why did it end? However, I do have one exception to the rule: if you were best friends with your ex, and the intimate relationship had come to an end, but you still wanted to maintain a "genuine" friendship, then that's another thing. One or two things may happen: the ex will think you want more and ignore your request, the ex may still not be over you, which sometimes leads into a period of indifference, leaving you feeling ignored at every attempt to make amends, and perhaps under whatever circumstances, forgiveness is just not there yet, or will ever be.

"Acceptance. This is the final and last step toward recovery, and also the hardest if you're trying to get to this point too fast on your own. Sometimes, the two people involved (or not" involved I should say) may have come to different plateaus in life, whether feeling different about one another, or just simply at a different place in life. I'm sure you've either experienced or have seen this scenario before: one person is the pursuer, while the other person seems a bit aloof and casual about the relationship, and then when it comes to the end of their relationship and/or breakup, the roles reverse completely. The pursuer is now the one who is aloof and hard to get. The person who was a bit casual about things seems more persistent on pursuing the relationship, even making attempts to bring it to a whole different level just to get them back: marriage proposals. It's funny how things change and sad when it changes for the worst, but I always remembered what one friend told me in the past. She said, "People come into our lives for a reason, maybe to teach us something, but for the most part, it's all about our life experiences. Let them go. Let them experience what they need to, and if they come back then it was meant to be." Sometimes people need to go through a buncha bullshit in order to get their heads straight, or perhaps they just need to leave and we just need to accept that.

With every relationship that I have been in, I have learned a great deal about many things in life, which I am grateful for. I've created awesome memories, I remember funny moments that still make me laugh, and have kept all the lessons learned if it was a negative experience so I know how to handle them better in the present time. The one thing that I have always left behind was any bitterness. I have always forgiven anyone who had hurt me in the past, which always enables me to be friends with them. That's when I have to say to myself: it's their choice now, the ball is in their court, but I won't hold my breath if they choose not to.

Reference: pualib.blogspot.com

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